Therapist "freaked Out" During Session

[Seagreen]

Maybe now that your therapist has had some time to process his feelings, he feels that he handled the situation badly and wants to rectify. I hope that you feel you can rely on your therapist to provide professional service again. I think that is important.

 

[Nikki100]

Thank you so much for your replies! I love how a few thoughtful sentences (in this case there are actually really many of them) can make me feel so much better and help me understand things I was totally confused about!

I had a short conversation with my T via text and we scheduled a session for tomorrow. He told me that he would like us to talk about his reaction and that we should have the conversation, that we had planned on having right after watching the video, as soon as possible.
I'll just see how it goes... I've made great progress with him so if I think he's handling the situation right from here on, I wouldn't want that one mistake to change anything between us long term.

We have talked about him showing emotions. He always tries to keep them to a minimum because I immediately start to feel guilty and worry about him. But that doesn't mean I'm asking him to always have complete control over his emotions. He can feel and show what he needs to, as long as it doesn't mean he can't handle what I'm saying.

 

[scout86]

@Solara, you might (probably do) have a point about anger. Where I come from....... I tend to think of "anger" as a weapon, more than a feeling. You're right, it's a feeling. But it's a feeling often confused with a weapon. :bag:

 

[Casey_03]

I agree with everything that has been said here so far, and believe you do have a right to feel angry in this situation. BUT from another perspective, i also think it's a good thing your T had such a strong reaction, because it means he was shocked and horrified by what he saw, which, in turn, means he now has a much better understanding of what you've gone through and the pain and suffering it caused you. I would almost be more concerned if he didn't have a strong reaction and completely kept his composure. Also, his reaction clearly indicates that he genuinely cares for you as a patient and it probably hurt him on some level to see you suffering.

 

[Nikki100]

Thank you, @Casey_03 ! I haven't thought of it that way yet!

@TreeHugger , @scout86 and @Muse , we had talked about what kind of support I was looking for. He told me he would help me stay grounded and go through my questions (the ones that led me to watch the video) with me.

I'm sorry but I'm not comfortable with really answering all of those bullet-points but here's what I can tell you: I let the person who abused me mess with my memory of what happened so now I can't figure out some things that are important for my recovery.
I'm not planning on watching the video ever again or watching any of the other videos because that would just be re-traumatizing.

@scout86 , I guess saying that I was frustrated because I know that this is going to be a setback would have been more accurate. But I really like @Solara 's view on feelings.

 

[Footie freak]

Your therapist will have ways in which to ground himself, It was a shock to him in many ways watching what happened. He is human and has reacted to the video and to be honest I would rather he had a reaction than not as it shows his human side and now he help you. Meet him earlier than planned to talk about it, as he has offered as he probably feels he let you down and needs to put that's right. Well done for wanting to watch it though and good luck. Keep us updated with how it goes.

 

[Knak]

I am not clear on your first paragraph. Was the video of you being raped and tortured? Your description of fascination and good at his craft was positive vs. the negative purpose being to destroy humanity. What advantage did you anticipate by watching it in session if the therapist chose to not watch?