Therapy-Feeling Frightened

[luckypink]

Hi Everyone, :hello:
Kind Wishes to you all. I have been to see by therapist seven times. I am finding it really hard to talk about things. We are working on making a safe space and reducing my levels of dissociation, before hopefully doing Emdr. My Therapist is very validating of things that I say, and I know she is trying really hard to help me, but I have been having thoughts of whether to continue going.

She has told that I have Complex trauma and PTSD, and I know this may sound crazy, but when I am at home, I talk aloud to her sometimes and say that I don't have this condition. Maybe I am trying to deny it, which is likely probable (I have been having flashbacks for nine years) I am aged 26, but I am feeling frightened of her saying that I have Complex Trauma. It sounds scary (inside I know the horrors all to well). Sometimes with the things my therapist says, I feel that she is talking about 'certain parts of me' and I feel its making me feel afraid, who am I? I want to feel whole.
I know I need to discuss this with her. The flashbacks and dissociation is so engrained in me, that I feel am I going to really change.

I know it takes hard work, and I have been really trying, and have sometimes part in practise going into a safe space, but I am not able to do it always. I am sorry to sound pessimstic, I just feel quite deflated about how hard work things are, and my mind keeps questioning her diagnosis and I feel quite angry towards her.

I have been keeping a flashback diary and last week when I read back over it, I was in tears and felt that if other people were to read it, they would think I've got some entrenched problems.

I was raped when I was 9 in my family home and was sexually abused for a long time after. I lived in the same house until I was 19. Are these types of experiences likely to cause Complex Trauma? I am working now, but for years wasn't able to work. I have never been able to have a relationship, I feel disorienatated at the moment and feel I want to pretend to be someone unaffected by trauma. My Friend says I present well to others, but I feel its a cover up I feel I need to spend time on one own to have flashbacks and to discociate, because my mind does need to go over it, I know it doesn't get me anywhere though. I am so sorry to have said such silly things in this post, I just feel really weird. (((With kind hugs to you all)))

With Best Wishes,

Lucky Pink

 

[kers]

Being sexually abused and raped can definitely cause complex PTSD. A large part of the disorder is the sense of being broken, unable to connect, and like you are a 'sham' who presents well on the outside but is damaged on the inside. You are describing my own experience with complex PTSD.

I hope this doesn't discourage you, but seven sessions is not very many in terms of processing the traumas and the PTSD. Healing doesn't happen overnight or even over just a few months. The progress is painstakingly slow, so slow that I often don't even notice it happening until I've made great changes.

Cut yourself a break. You are connecting with a therapist and attempting to manage the symptoms. This will be imperfect at first. It is the effort that counts, the effort that makes the change happen. You will get there when you are ready to be there, you know? I think the optimism/pessimism cycle is a natural way of managing the feelings. Your therapist is there to keep encouraging you and reminding you that you can do this!

 

[Tinyflame]

Am I wrong, thought EMDR not recommended for "multiple" (not referencing complex) traumas? :dontknow:

 

[luckypink]

Dear Kers,
Thankyou so much for your reply, I am feeling a bit better today. Yes progress can be very very slow, I know I haven't been going long, sometimes it is hard to feel committed when you feel all over the place. I certainly feel this 'sham feeling' and feel flawed and broken. Thankyou for your kind wishes, I will take some deep breaths and see how it goes.

Junebug, I did not really understand you message, Do you mean that Emdr is not recommended for people with multiple traumas?My Therapist said that it is not guaranteed that Emdr will work. Do you think Emdr is a good idea for me?

With Kind Wishes and hugs,

Lucky Pink.

 

[Jagged Angel]

Hi luckypink, from what I've read, EMDR is not recommended for people with Complex PTSD. As to whether it will be a good idea for you, you will need to discuss this with your therapist.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Hi Lucky,


EMDR is not recommended for people with multiple traumas.......There are exceptions, but it's something that really needs to be thought through thoroughly..... EMDR must also be done by a trained EMDR specialist. Many things can go wrong, if it isn't done properly...

The last therapist I was seeing recommended I see an EMDR trained therapist. I told her that EMDR was not recommended for people with Multiple trauma, but she insisted, that I at least speak to him. I did, and in less than 5 minutes, he agreed with me, after hearing my trauma list.......

Be thoroughly informed, make sure the therapist is trained completely in EMDR techniques, and has done this many many times before. JMO!!!!!

 

[luckypink]

Dear She Cat and Jagged Angel, :hello:

Thankyou so much for both replying to my post.:smile: I am seeing a lady who is trained properly in Emdr and she said iEMDR can help Complex Trauma but that I might need to see her for a year, and that it is more complex and that we need to develop a 'solid base' first. She said it is not guaranteed that it will work though. Thankyou so much for replying, I will discuss with her.

Thankyou. :Hug_emoticon:

With Best Wishes,

Lucky Pink.

 

[tryintobreathe]

Lucky,

Nothing you psted was silly! I have seen my therapist about the same # of times as you and I am finding it very difficult to talk about things. It is very overwhelming. You are such a strong and brave person.

Jen

 

[luckypink]

Dear Trying to Breathe,
:hello:Hi there, thankyou for your post. It is very difficult to talk about trauma, and to feel safe enough to talk about deep things. Well done too and finding a therapist, as long as me are making progress, I think we should praise ourself.

Take good care,

((((((((((Hugs to you)))))))

Lucky Pink.