Therapy or the lack of it

[lynsey]

It’s interesting to me that everyone here seems to be having therapy. This is not the norm in England, so I never have, despite having been depressed and suicidal for 46 years. Yet I don’t feel I’m any better or worse off than anyone whose posts I have been reading, so I wonder about the value of it.

To me it’s a bit like diets. My view is that being on a diet focuses your mind on food and the more you think about it the more you will want to eat. Similarly, the more you pour out your problems to a professional who, despite their training, can never really understand in the same way as people on a forum like this who are experiencing the same thing, just seems like giving yourself more grief.

I hope this doesn’t offend anyone, that’s certainly not my intention, I’m just curious as to how much use you really think all this therapy has done you?

Lynsey

 

[Riot]

As for comparing symptoms and whatnot, it might be a good idea to keep in mind that people generally find and use websites like these when they're at their worst. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[Beans]

Therapy has had a huge positive impact on my life. The problem is, when you've been taught one things since childhood, it's difficult to believe anything else, to see from a different perspective. I tried for years and years on my own without therapy. Some pple have success on their own, however i'm inclined to think since trauma tends to make pple quite a bit stuck, it's far more difficult to work with on your own. Having a validating ear with unconditional positive regard really helped me to blossom. It gave me permission to like myself when i'd only learned since birth that i was hated and unwanted and bad. It gave me perspective that i literally could not fathom on my own because my experience was so very different from the normative one.

So all that to say- give it a go, see if it helps. There are so many different variables as to whether therapy will be helpful that the only thing you can do is try. I've lucked out with excellent therapists. But i'm also so motivated and over this f*cked up life, i'm the ideal therapy client lol. Will do everything they tell me (to the extent it feels right,) will do homework and work on my own and research everything, learn from everyone and push myself. Lol therapy has no option but to work for me.(Not bragging btw, it took me years to get to a place where i felt empowered enough to fight on my own behalf. That was a journey in itself lol!) Anywho good luck with your sessions and I hope it does prove helpful for you!:) Great thread!

 

[lynsey]

It's not an option for me because I now live in Bulgaria and therapy's unheard of here, but it's good to hear a positive story, thanks for posting. Hope things keep going well for you.

Lynsey

 

[UnicornSightings]

I don't know if you get better. I feel like you just get way more aware of things and then you have a choice in how you want to live your life. Plus having someone there for support is amazing. It is all about you in therapy. Nowhere else will that be true.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I went to therapy because my own efforts weren't making anything any better. I tried cbt workbooks on my own, talking to my friend. Websites. Therapy helped me at least gain more perspective on what happened to me. Still newish at it.

 

[lynsey]

It's interesting to hear how different life can be in other countries - you seem to have so many more options there. If I were to tell a Bulgarian that people actually pay money to go and speak to someone they'd write me off as a lunatic. They think I am anyway - I'm the English nutter who keeps collecting streetdogs :) - but I think your culture is way beyond Bulgaria. It's not exactly third world here but there are times when I think it's not far off.

Returning to the thread, I think this forum is probably as close as I'd ever want to get to baring my soul. The idea of sitting in an office telling someone my deepest thoughts just
doesn't work for me.

Sorry, I was rudely interrupted there when the computer crashed, that happens a lot - if you are looking for a new laptop I wouldn't recommend an Acer E15...

But it clearly works for a lot of you so I won't knock it. Therapy, not the computer lol.

Sorry I'm starting to ramble, maybe time for bed. Many thanks for your replies

Lynsey

 

[Missycat]

I went in to therapy as i know i needed help and it was starting to effect my relationship and overall health. I was fortunate to have cover through private insurance.
It has made a massive difference to me and although many people inc some family dont know about the therapy they have seen a positive change in me ... i feel it too.
Im coming to end of therapy soon after approx 15 months and i know i have learned new strategies to help me , part of me is excited and part of me is terrified but i know deep down i will be fine. This forum has also been a good support tool too.

 

[EveHarrington]

I believe that if I could have done it on my own I would have done it on my own.

There is nothing wrong with reaching out and getting help. Cultural differences I suppose?

I was without a therapist and support (other than my psychiatrist) for quite awhile, but now I'm in a day program with a mental health facilitator, and a therapist, in addition to the day program therapists. I most definitely need their support.

I don't bare my soul to anyone. Really, it's not necessary to do so. I am open and honest about my struggles though and receive a lot of feedback and support.

The thing about the forum is that most people post their struggles and not the good things going on in life, so of course we all appear to be a lot worse off than we really are (as a whole). Not to discount anyone's struggles!

 

[Friday]

I didn't do therapy the first time my PTSD got bad. In part because, whilst diagnosed, I didn't really understand that "this" aka "the way I was" was PTSD. I just assumed it was me. It took me -roughly- 5 years to get myself in hand. Over the course of those years I lost my career, family, friends, was homeless, crazy suicidal, and several other things. That I survived was very much a byproduct of luck, not skill. I was very -wild- for a long time. That I got my PTSD in hand was a series of happy accidents. Nothing more.

So when things got bad, again, I knew I could get myself sorted. I also knew exactly how bad things could get, what I stood to lose (and didn't want to), and how long it could take me.

I often consider therapy to be that one amazing friend who understands both exactly what you're going through & the best/fastest ways to deal with it... That you didn't happen to just meet on the street a few years before you needed their expertise! Therapy is NOT a friendship / that's not my point. My point being that if I don't happen to personally know anyone who can advise & mentor me? Damn straight I'll hire someone to.

I come from a culture where "therapy" is a no-go. I often struggle with the western notion of therapy/psychology in part because of that. But there are very formalized / structured relationships which are considered a must & needs must, for anyone who wants to achieve anything. Mentors, advisors, masters/apprenticeships, teachers, seniors/juniors, etc.. Across all avenues of life. No one is expected to figure everything all out on their own! Western culture reeeeeeally lacks in these areas. The individualistic nature of the society really precludes the support & handing down of knowledge inherent in the culture I was raised in, and is made far weaker in many ways. Therapy? IMO Attempts to fill some of those gaps.

 

[provencepearl]

It's not an option for me because I now live in Bulgaria and therapy's unheard of here, but it's good to...

Can you tell me anything about what it is like to live in Bulgaria? I just read an article about places to retire and Bulgaria was one of the listed countries. Will I be safe there as an elderly woman alone? Sorry, I know this is off topic but I just read the article today and it is such a coincidence to read you live in Bulgaria.

My first therapist was very good. She is no longer available. My life went on to be pretty good. But then there was a car accident which caused ptsd and apd. When I went to a therapist, she pretty much ruined my life and traumatized me very badly. I don't think I could ever go to a therapist again. My fears are pretty bad. Panic attacks, hypervigilance. I don't think I could trust anything like emdr. I will never take any kind of meds again. I am glad so many have been able to find good therapists.

 

[lynsey]

I wrote a reply here earlier and it's disappeared - am I persona non grata or doing something wrong?

Just after I posted last time I saw this in a Bulgaria ex pat forum

*****
Just thought I would have a say about all the things that get right up my nose as they say about Bulgaria.
This is by no mean saying Bulgaria is rubbish or that the UK is better, its just me saying what I think. Many members over the years have known that I love the UK, and I still do. I have always been a member that posts as I see it, no rose tinted glasses, so please do not think that I am having a pop at Bulgaria, but this is what gets me big time.
Being ignored and someone pushing in front of me, and even though the person is dealing with me they then go and deal with this persons question.
Having doors just let go in my face, even though I will hold a door open for someone,
Seeing dead dogs and cat etc on the road until they are so squashed that you cant make what they are.
When walking down a street and see someone coming towards you and they wont move and you have to move for them, without any time of acknowledgement or thank you
Bulgarians trying to kill me everytime I go out in the car.
Major traffic problems and the Bulgarian police just scratching there balls and smoking away totally ignoring the problem.
These are just a few things, please feel free to add yours.
No saying this is right and this wrong, its just my whinge for the day, Have a good one folks, only 19 weeks to Christmas lol lol

*****
This was posted by an older single lady who has lived here for many years. It is not my view and I hope it won't put you off. I love it here (apart from the very sad animal situation) But it gives you a different perspective to what I would say. It all depends on the type of person you are, where you live, if you are lucky enough to have good neighbors, etc.

I'm happy to answer specific questions but I wouldn't really know where to start in saying what it's like to live here. But we should probably start a new thread for chatting about that as we are way off topic now :)

Lynsey