General Time To Take Care Of Myself

[Glara]

I posted the next part in my diary when I woke up last night:

Still can't sleep. I really want to text or email him about why he's limited me from Facebook. A while ago he limited my ability to see his friends. I never thought too much of it because I figured he may have just set his page that way. But now that he did the same with status updates I'm not so sure. It's making me so suspicious that I feel sick. And it's making me question more and more. Could the whole suicide thing be fake? Could this all be fake? I can't take the lack of communication.

This all must be beyond the scope of ptsd. It is really time to end it if I feel this bad. Do I wait for him to text me to end it? And either way how do I end it? Tell him my suspicions which will put him on the defense? Or just tell him it's not healthy for either of us anymore? I guess the second one is the better choice. Do I wait until he gets out? Or do I just do it, believing he really does have his phone.

And this part I'm posting now:

I would have been there for him, but he's shutting me out, without letting me go. I don't have anyway to know what's going on and I don't know if this is ptsd or not. I don't know how to tell. What I do know is that I feel like shit.

It's time for me to end it officially. I'm trying to think of how and when. I thought I'd say something about that he's getting the help he needs and now I need to care of myself. I don't know if I should I unfriend him, and if I do, should I tell him? And should I block his phone but allow him to email.

If this is real and it's ptsd I don't want to completely shut him out....but I need some peace.

 

[emz315]

@Glara i think this may be for someone with a little more knowledge...im only a toddler so far to the forum...but im sending lots of hugs and thinking of you

 

[Glara]

He just texted me this morning that he's signing himself out. His other cat is sick. When the first cat died it triggered this breakdown. I didn't mention it to him, but he obviously had access to his phone all along.

He's very upset about the cat. I'm just going to say supportive things but try to distance myself emotionally. Apparently there will never be a time to discuss anything. Never time for me.

 

[darrenS]

Glara in all honesty , this doesn't sound very healthy - i would strongly suggest you get some support - just because its ptsd behaviour or so he says , it does not make it normal or right , seriously you need to take a step back and gain a healthy perspective. When someone cuts you off like this , its better to move away and look after yourself than descend into what could be very unhealthy responses and behaviour - simply i would cut him off period....you need to see your own value

 

[J_trustno1]

@Glara: How long has this been going on for? If it has been quite some time then it is best you two communicate straight up. I know how you feel about this entire scenario and you can never know what is in someone else's mind unless you guys bring it up.

I had a relationship like this where I was on a hold for a month and was an option for someone who was a priority for me. I tried confronting this guy but he was avoiding this whole thing for a month and coming up with the most ridiculous comments at end. He told me , "You should worry about yourself and I should worry about myself NOT you. You don't know what's in my mind and I don't know what's in yours". Note: This was coming from someone who said that he'll be there for me whenever in need a month ago.

I am not trying to scare you off but it's best that you bring this up. It's only wasting your time, energy and mental power. What is the point of waiting for someone who may not have the guts to say something. It might just turn out to be nothing but your worry. Communication is the solid base for any relationship in life. I hope you find your answers very soon.

 

[digger]

I think it's time to stop treading on eggshells and ask him directly how he actually sees your relationship and what he does and doesn't expect from it.

I haven't commented on your posts up to now as I'm crap at relationship stuff (so do feel free to completely ignore this!), but I have been reading them and it makes me very sad to see the pain it's causing you and all the second guessing you're doing. I think it's time you both got straight with each other.

 

[Glara]

Honestly over this weekend I decided it just isn't a relationship. I wasn't expecting the text this morning, it caught me off guard. I ssaid some supportive things but not my usual "I'm here for you... " toys if stuff that I usually say. If he texts me another suicide plan in the future I will just call 911 and send them to his house.

I'm going on a well needed mini vacation next week. It was planned at the last minute. I can't wait to go, get out of the cold, and not even think about any if this stuff.

I'll be nice to him when he texts, but as a friend I a very one sided friendship.

 

[nic1633]

Letting go of people you care about, even the ones who may treat you terribly, can be difficult. I find the hardest part is the change in routine. What do you do with all the time they used to consume? How do you deal with the loneliness that accompanies new singleness? Things like that.

However, if you are in an unhealthy relationship, there is nothing worse for both of you! Please value yourself and him enough to walk away and make new start. I know I wish I did that in my last relationship. Hugs all around!!

 

[Sighs]

@Glara - I've been following your posts for a while. As hard as it is to accept I think you are right in saying there is never going to be a good time to talk to him. And I don't think talking to him will actually achieve anything. He is either unable or unwilling to give you the basic respect you deserve in a relationship. Why he is unable or unwilling doesn't really matter anymore.

Do whatever you can do or need to do to step back. I left someone once knowing that it may trigger a suicide attempt. What could i do? Stay in case he killed himself? (He didn't. In fact, his only reaction was "well, I want my stuff back".)

Put yourself first. Give yourself a fraction of the love, understanding and support you have given this man.

 

[Glara]

Ha! He busted himself when he texted this morning. He told me he knew about his cat being sick the night before. In other words, had his phone, but gave me the impression he didn't. I guess he really was in there. I really don't know but I think I've truly reached my limit.

As I said before, if he texts I'll respond, but I'm removing myself emotionally. It's not even really a choice, it just kinda happened. I felt very deceived. He used to make me feel special, he's now made me feel... I'm not sure what, but it's not good. I don't know if there'd be a way he could make me feel good again.

 

[Sighs]

Sometimes there is just too much water under the bridge... If nothing he says or does can regain your trust then it really is over.

Hugs!

 

[Wastinglight]

I'm going on a well needed mini vacation next week. It was planned at the last minute. I can't wait to go, get out of the cold, and not even think about any if this stuff.

Yay for you! Enjoy every second of it. You deserve some solid down time.