Tips On How To Provide My Boss Some Answers For My "odd" Behavior Today.

[jphillips90]

I just got this job. Returning to work has been one of the "ultimate" milestones I've worked towards since developing severe PTSD. I've worked really hard and been lucky enough to get to a point where I am going against how I feel and taking actions based on what I know. I know it will result in me living a healthier life, gaining some confidence, and out of isolation and back into society. My PTSD symptoms are intense but until today...it hasn't been apparent to anyone else that I'm having a hard time or dealing with an issue. I struggle with stocking merchandise and learning the stores set up.It requires pretty much no other skill than memorization. Having sever PTSD...you can underst

 

[jphillips90]

understand why this has been a problem. Now that it's not my first couple of days....they are expecting me to have memorized/be efficient at stocking like any other employee at this time....I'm not. Everytime I have to ask them stuff it makes PTSD worse. Today I kept getting "lost" in memories...I would just freeze and go blank lost in trauma then some back too, I was pacing and and fidgety, I couldnt get the upperhand...everytime i was unsuccessful at managing it.. the panic would get worse and my next attempt would come across less and less normal. I have to go into work tomorrow and tell them about my illness. I am so freaked out and scared but if i don't...they will believe i was high. OMG. I tried my hardest to do a great job and be a great employee because I WANT this so much and the equivalent to my best is coming to work high? WTF I can look crazy or on drugs. Boy...way to go Jes, way to go. What should I say? I literally want to write it down so I can read not remember and say the most appropriate words. I go in at 9 in the morning...please help

 

[Intrepid]

I am not as weird at work as I used to be. I never made explanations to my employers because I could never find the right words.

I don't think it would have mattered anyhow. I can be so hard on myself, and imagine so much about what I do that isn't true.

It could be that you don't have to say anything. Some employers understand that all of their employees have quirks. We who have to deal with flashbacks can be quite a bit more quirky, but as long as I haven't really lost it (which I have) everything has been okay. Now I know when I am going to lose it, and get out of there before I cause damage.

But if you really want to say something, keep it simple. Say something like you are having problems with getting distracted. If your employer wants to know more, let it become a conversation, not a confession.

I hate that sort of confession. I don't make them any more.

 

[scout86]

You might just say that you have trouble memorizing. Lots of people do, that doesn't have anything to do with PTSD. And, you could mention that you have some anxiety issues. I'm not sure you need to go into a whole bunch of detail.

Can you draw yourself a map of the store to help you remember your way around and where things go? Just drawing it out might help you remember, but having a reference might help solve the problem.

 

[Chava]

Agree you could mention the memorizing is hard, but seem interesting in getting better...like does your boss know of tips that have helped others? Or something like that. Personally, I wouldn't bring up the PTSD. That's none of his business. But having a hard time with the tasks due to memory, maybe there is a way to address that and he'd appreciate your genuine interest in doing better. Can you keep some kind of notebook with you or list things somehow for yourself in your smartphone? I am very scattered and have a terrible memory in some ways. I have notebooks and sticky-notes everywhere and e-mail myself a lot of reminders. I've found a system that works. Maybe there is something that will help you...like a cheat sheet you can keep in your pocket? At any new work place I've had to keep lots of notes to remember how to do all the little different tasks like writing purchase orders or other office-type tasks and deadlines.

Hang in there! Don't be afraid to ask questions! But if it increases your panic, find the safest people to ask and have a pencil and little notepad ready or something.

 

[jphillips90]

Thank you! What should I say about my actions after PTSD/panic took over? Like inability to sit still, pacing, memory trouble and confusion becoming severe, witnessing my dissociation/lost multiple times (once with a line of customers waiting i looking like i was ignoring them by choice) communicating with them becoming so poor at certain times i struggled to spit out more than just panicked bits and pieces and apologies.
voice and tone becoming child-like and asking reassurance questions (if you didnt know anything about ptsd, panic, reassurance/checking you would be freaked out by your employee asking you If everything is ok several times for no external reason to them) How in the hell do I do the best damage control? Should I offer and explanation for these behaviors or only if she asks for one first?

 

[desiderata310]

@jphillips90 do you have an HR manager with whom you could speak? Maybe they can help come up with a plan to help you.
When you speak with an HR manager they are required to treat issues like this as confidential material. Maybe they can help by finding someone you feel comfortable with to buddy up with until you feel you have everything down.

 

[anthony]

Tips and tricks are very difficult for discussing employment issues and mental health. Whilst by law, in most countries, you don't have to tell an employer about a mental health issue / any health issue, the problem is that if you cannot perform your employed duties, then they have reasonable grounds to dismiss you. If they dismissed you just because you disclosed having PTSD, that would obviously be discrimination and unlawful, BUT, by your own admission you aren't performing the tasks required of you for which you were employed, disclosing you have mental health issues may only hasten a decision to terminate you for failure to perform your employed duties, and you wouldn't know which is which then.

Employers have rights too, and that is the problem, especially when you're stating you aren't performing the employed duties.

Employers are so diverse in how they handle mental health issues nowadays. Some take it well and try to accommodate you, providing you can do the job. Some will use it to then find any excuse to get you out the door.

The only tip, if that is what you want to call it, I could give you is: if you tell an employer about suffering PTSD, then expect a decision either way to occur. They could help you, they could fire you a week later when failing to perform duties employed, guised to get you out their door and away from their business.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It sounds like you're already giving your employer reasons to fire you (ie ignoring customers) so you may be at a point where you have no choice but to disclose your PTSD and hope that they will be accommodating. Yes, in the US there are laws for such things, but that doesn't mean that in the near future they won't fire you for some "unrelated" reason. And even though businesses are required to make reasonable accommodations, if you can't perform the basic functions of the job, they can still let you go.

 

[jphillips90]

I agree. the unwanted intrusive memories that cause me to "space out" and be unaware of the present moment causing the issue of appearing to ignore customers by choice is a problem serious enough by itself to require attention. It happens when the store isn't busy. I am the only cashier on shift so there isn't anyone around to talk to/distract myself and the store will be quiet. When a customer comes up to check out and doesn't make noise (like setting items down) or talking ( says hey to me) I can't snap out of it until the memory plays entirely through otherwise. I feel like I can do my job if I some accommodations... I didn't want to ask for them though. I hope the 50/50 chance of them being understanding and helpful or not falls in my favor.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Do you think it's possible you are just having anxiety about having a new job and maybe you should give yourself some time to adjust your new job? Your boss will probably already be expecting that.

I agree maybe it's time to start writing things down. That's the best for memorizing.

 

[anthony]

It happens when the store isn't busy.

Then you need to start coming up with solutions so that you are busy when the store isn't, to avoid this. I've seen this at the basic level in grocery stores, where a cashier will literally stack the same pile of goods near their register, over and over again, just to keep busy and make it look as though they're doing something for customers sake, whilst awaiting to serve.

There is an electric shock band released next year: http://pavlok.com

You can buy something like what I wear for fitness, a Jawbone UP band, which has a setting to vibrate every x minutes of standing still. It gets annoying vibrating on your wrist.

There are options based on what you're describing your specific problem to be. Fitbit may also have a similar feature, and are cheaper.