Tired Of Faking "Normal" For The Benefit Of Everyone Else

[stillbroken]

Hello all,

I was in a major car accident about 1.5 weeks ago. I was at minimal speed (beginning turn from full stop), and was hit head-on by an SUV going 55+ mph. My 4 & 6 year old girls were in the car with me.

Physically, "it could have been worse". I have a tibial plateau fracture, but no cast or brace because the orthopedist wants me to keep moving it. I'm not to bear weight for 6-8 weeks. This is in addition to the major contusions, airbag burns, etc. I've also had all the typical symptoms of trauma - daze/ shock initially, sensitivity, hyper-vigilance, etc, since the wreck.

Everyone around me seems to think I should be "over" it. I mean, it's been more than a week, right? Why can't I clean my house, run errands, get groceries, and just generally be more positive and upbeat? Why am I being so bitchy, whiny, and tired all the time?

Frankly, I'm at my wit's end. I am lucky to already be on meds for general anxiety, and I have a therapist. Unfortunately, it's just not enough. I find myself feeling very detached, to the point of almost being suicidal. I know that's no solution, and I know to seek help if the thoughts become intrusive. But I feel like I need to get that out there, to be honest. I haven't managed to admit that to anyone yet.

 

[MizzASG]

Firstly, welcome to the community.

I wanna say your title grabbed my attention off the bat. That describes me to a "t". Then I read you got into a car accident, and everyone thinks you should be over it after only 1.5 weeks? wow. story of my life right there...lol.
I am 2 years post being rear ended and IM STILL struggling, "faking" for everyone, because apparently, there is nothing wrong with me. But yet, I have chronic pain, everyday, NON STOP. But everyone tells me "You're young, get over it". I HATE driving, but I FORCE myself to (but try my best to give every excuse in the book not to) because "I should be over it" but am paranoid of being crashed into again (I have only had my full license for 6 years and been in 2 accidents that were not my fault, both me waiting at a red).
I wish it was that easy....

Take all the time you need. Everyone is different. Don't let people push you. I am glad to hear you have a therapist. I wish I had/have one. Just don't give up on your recovery. Hopefully you can recovery fully =) Don't let people who THINK they know what it should be like, tell you what its like. Everyone has a different pace. Just keep working yours.

Goodluck, and I hope you can find this place helpful!

Peace

MizzASG

 

[stillbroken]

Thank you, MizzASG. It wasn't until I talked to someone today that was 10-years post-wreck that I felt like someone understood. I used to love driving. Sure, I had issues with being on bridges, but that wasn't the greatest problem. In Atlanta, they're either short or avoidable for the most part.

So now, I've gone from go-getter single mom to feeling quite helpless. When I was begging my ex to take the girls for a while so that I could recover, his response was "well, you chose to be a single mother". If I could have reached through the phone at that moment...

From my brief internet research, ASD & PTSD from car wrecks is pretty common. And yet, we're supposed to brush it off? Aargh! Total crap, is what that is.

I'm feeling quite scattered, as it's 2 am, and my brain is just now turning on for a brief while. Hopefully, it will switch off soon so that I can rest. I must say, though, that it did allow me to do a bit of cleaning and run the first load of dishes since the wreck. Huzzah!

 

[cherryblossom]

Firstly welcome to the forum.

You say that your car accident was 1.5 weeks ago. Look at the diagnostics for PTSD [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/content/314-Posttraumatic-Stress-Disorder-Diagnostic-Criteria[/DLMURL]

You have to have had symptoms for over 1 month to be diagnosed with PTSD. Please bear with me, because this is good news! You may have Post Traumatic Stress, but you CAN work through this before it develops into PTSD. I'm not saying you should be over it, or that you should just brush it off - just that the sooner you start working on this with your T, the less likely it is, to develop into PTSD. Trust me, you don't want PTSD. I hope you find this forum helpful to move on. Please talk to your therapist, so that this trauma does not have the oportunity to develop further.

 

[Fragile]

I read somewhere recently with combat veterans (some have PTSD and some don't) and that the difference in the two groups (those in combat who form PTSD and those who don't) is a childhood history of trauma and abuse. I don't know if it is accurate or not, but I found it very interesting.

 

[stillbroken]

Cherryblossom,

I didn't mention (and probably should have) in my original post that I already have a dx of PTSD. I grow up in a very abusive household, and have had several traumatic life events such as rape, witnessing the aftermath of a murder, etc. For the most part, my symptoms were kept under control w/ meds and therapy. Of course, "under control" doesn't mean I've been well; far from it, actually. But before the wreck, I could function. Now, I cannot. The panic, flashbacks, irritability are all the time, rather than sporadic. At the current junction, I probably don't go an hour without a major freakout. It's exhausting!

Here's to healing!
Daniele

 

[eightyduece]

I spent one (1) tour in afghanastan and two, well actually 1 and 3/4 tours in Iraq, I have seen things that would make a trauna surgen loose his lunch, I know how you are feeling. we were on patrol one day and were hit with an IED (Improvised Explosive Device) killing three of my soldiers, one being very close to me, we knew each other for years and were best friends, I had taken part of the blast to my lower right foot, which after 18 months and hundreds, and i am not lying 167 surgeries to save my right foot/leg. After i was released from the hospital and started seeing a shrink and the drugs. Yes suicide, tried it and am glad I was found before i expired. But I blame myself for those guys dying, we had alternate routes but I ordered them to flank to the right and that was it. Every single day I live with that burden everyday, cant sleep at night, my marriage is going down the tubes and when you try and be honest w/people and open up, firstly they think your lying or crazy, then comes the pitty and feeling sorry for you. if you choose to open up to family or friends be careful and pick and choose what you tell them. trust me people who are close to you know somethings wrong no matter how much you try to fake it. keep going to treatment, becarefull on the meds you take (xanax, vallium) not good stick w/the antidepressents. good luck and sorry i got off subject a couple of times.

 

[stillbroken]

Eightydeuce -

I don't think you got OT at all. And even if you did, I can certainly understand scattered thoughts. Thanks for sharing your story. You are certainly right about being careful with whom you share. Even my closest friends and family seem to be tired of hearing about it. I mean, good lord, it's not even been 2 weeks (since this event).

Honestly, I don't think we as a society are equipped to deal with others' pain. It's hard to sit and listen. It's hard to have no way to fix the person that is hurting. I feel like I need a button or something that says something like "listening is the best thing you can do to help". Well, that and the dishes. :/