Sufferer Tired Of Ptsd

[Maddy.]

I've been suffering from PTSD since I was 17.

I was raped a few months before my hsc and I thought I coped well, until a couple of months later when I started getting constant nightmares. I was never hungry, and in general I thought I was going nuts. A councilor diagnosed me with ptsd, and my gp confirmed it. She put me on 50ml of pristiq, which solved nothing. So she continued to put the dosage up until I was on 150mls, and felt like a zombie.

I'm 19 now, and I was sick of feeling empty all of the time so I went to see a proper psychiatrist. It turns out I have been taking depression tablets for 2 years when I don't even have depression. Even though I saw this doctor numerous times, and she just said I needed a higher dose. And as an added bonus, taking depression tablets when I don't actually have depression has given me it as well, and the chances of me ever getting over the ptsd now are slim even tho I'm on effective meds now.

My initial DASS score showed that I had no depression or stress, but my anxiety couldn't be any higher. I took the test again with psychiatric and nothing has changed except for the depression, which has gone up.

I've had an amazing boyfriend for nearly a year now, and he does anything for me, but I can't explain some of the things I do and I hate it so much. I'm just sick of the constant day to day difficulties caused by this horrible disorder. I just want it to stop. I flinch at my own boyfriend and I can see how much it hurts him. I over react to everything, some nights I'm strung up all night, and when I do sleep I shake and cry and grind my teeth.

I'm just at a loss to try and explain something that I really don't understand myself. I know why it's caused and what's happened to my brain, but I'm just so over it. The trauma happened so long ago and a part of me doesn't even care anymore, but my brain just won't let it go. Has anybody been able to cure themselves completely? :/ and how do I explain these horrible, constant feelings when I can't even put the feelings into words.

 

[Leah123]

Hi! Welcome to the forum. I'm not sure how much I have to say that will be super-helpful, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm having trouble day-to-day also, it's SO frustrating, not just to have my symptoms, but to affect my family with them. That's the worst, definitely.

I hope you don't mind my saying it, but you say "the trauma happened so long ago" but two years isn't long to me personally, and I really believe that you can feel much better in the future, that things will get better, WAY better over time if you find what helps you best. I recommend therapy if possible, but there might be lots of other things that help too, some that help me are stress-management techniques, listening to music, getting some fresh air, venting, journals, working hard to stay grounded. But in the sense of you having to suffer, well then two years is WAY too long, because it's unfair to you, and it's unfair to all of us that have dealt with people doing evil to us to have to suffer even one day.

I can let you know that I have been married for 15 years now. When I met my husband, oh, it was very hard. I did flinch when he touched me sometimes, and felt so very sick about intimacy sometimes. It took patience and gentleness from both of us, but it has been SO worth it. I can really enjoy our relationship now- it's amazing and so wonderful.

I hope you'll be patient with yourself. I have a hard time doing that, but I think we deserve it, and I try to have faith things will keep getting better the more I work on them.

I wonder if there's any tiny little thing you can find to do for yourself to help you feel better at nights? Talk to someone, write it out, have some warm tea, listen to a lullaby, um, whatever you like best? I wonder if you could tell your boyfriend something about your symptoms if it would help? I know it's very scary to talk to my husband about it though.

 

[safenow]

Hi Maddy,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. You are in the right place. I think most of us can understand how you feel. Leah is right. Two years is not a long time as far as having symptoms. However, while we are in this stage of it, it seems like a lifetime for sure.

Are you still talking to the real therapist? If yes, let them know you needs some ways to cope with what is happening. They can give you some good breathing skills to use that can lessen the anxiety. I also agree, talking to your boy friend will help a lot. Let them know how you are feeling. It can really only help both of you.

There are a lot of really wonderful people here and some great information to help you in this battle. I'm glad you came.

See you around the forum.
Safenow.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi and welcome.

Unfortunately there is no "cure" for PTSD. Yes, you can find a new normal but it won't be the same as before the trauma as trauma changes us for good. It stinks that trauma affects us for so long, but if you work at healing, there is hope for improvement. I know 2 years seems like forever to deal with trauma, but I'd wager to guess that a majority of the people here have been dealing with it for longer. We all take a different amount of time to heal, so try not to compare yourself to anyone else. It's a unique journey in that regard.

 

[JustBe]

Welcome to the Forum. I am 53 and have been dealing with PTSD for decades. It is something you learn to deal with and keep under control. This forum will give you information and support.

 

[rightkindofme]

My trauma started in infancy and carried on until my twenties. I have been rape-free for six years. I'm not even close to "over it".

Patience with yourself. :) I know it is hard but you deserve patience.

 

[edgar]

Why, we don't deserve this. I really hope things get better for you. Been with it for about two years as well.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

 

[nimkekaa]

hsc

I'm not good with abbreviations. Can you tell me what hsc means?

I'm 19 now

chances of me ever getting over the ptsd now are slim even tho I'm on effective meds now.

Maddy, you are still so young. In a way you are so lucky to be starting your healing journey so young. Your trauma was not really that long ago in the grand scheme of things and that may make it easier to process. Some of us on here had repressed our trauma for years and then are trying to heal with part memories. Maybe with a good therapist you will be able to get your symptoms under control rather quickly.

What I am trying to say is, look at all that you have going for you. You figured out that you need support and reached out for it in less then 2 years. You, are motivated to heal and you have support from your boyfriend. Although it's hard to see right now you have a lot of positives in your corner on your healing journey.

Give yourself some love and take care you yourself. Your doing all the things you need to do to heal.

It does get easier with time, therapy and giving yourself a break. You have been through a traumatic experience and you deserve to take care of yourself.

There is lots of information and support on this forum. Welcome!

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)