Trauma and its effects on emotional responses

[chihayafuru]

Recently I got stressed by a comment that was said to me, as a response to what I said to them, about how cause the person they were talking about was a doctor they might have just been checking to see if something was physically wrong. They said so you think it’s ok just cause they’re a “doctor”?
tried to think why it was making me feel so anxious
i felt attacked
wondered if if was trauma related
abuser never spoke to me in any agressive way
realised he was physically agressive
then was just sitting in front of laptop kept zoning out
felt suddenly very tired

confused why the comment caused this reaction?

(suddenly tired, zoning out)

Peoples thoughts might be helpful

 

[Nevermore]

@chihayafuru i think I understand your feelings. Did you feel like you were being accused of defending an offender?
I’ve been in that position and found it very confusing and depressing.
A lot of people are very black and white about stuff like this and that in itself can be upsetting for me - no room for understanding or human error or simple mistakes. … and I feel I myself have made my fair share of mistakes and yes, hurt other people. No abuse involved or malicious intent, that’s a different issue - but I tend to be generous towards the intentions of others because I know how easy it is to get it wrong whilst trying very hard to get it right!
I mean, I grew up in the 70s when everything was a bit more shades of grey than the black and white cancel culture of today. The 70s were also a horrible time for victims of abuse, ieverythibg was swayed towards favouring the abuser.
But somewhere between the messy greys and the firm black and white feels more like the truth than either to me.
Sounds like you were just offering another point of view but maybe the OP didn’t want to hear it or heard it as invalidating - maybe the wound is still too raw.
Just my two cents….hope you’re ok

 

[Friday]

They said so you think it’s ok just cause they’re a “doctor”?

ANYTIME someone takes something I say, and inserts a ‘just because’ onto it? It makes me want to bang my head against a brick wall.

As it’s singling out a single facet, & ignoring the rest.

Because context matters.

Just because (profession)… COMPLICATES matters. It means that there is an expectation or duty of care. As well as informed consent issues. Trust issues. Intent issues. Education & ability issues. Performance issues. Relational Status issues. Et Cetera. Et Cetera. Et Cetera. Whether one is talking about a doctor, teacher, lawyer, cop, whatever? Their profession being part of the equation means we’re not just talking about 2 people. But we’re talking about 2 people in this context.

When I’m talking about something already complicated (like abuse, assault, etc.), in the context of another complicated thing (like a profession), and someone decides to oversimplify & TWIST? I have to be in a very particular mindset to have the energy to unf*ck that mess, even if I have the willingness to… and I also don’t always have that. Especially if someone is deliberately misunderstanding me.

If they’re Attempting to clarify? To ascertain where I’m coming from to understand better; rather than obsfucate and twist? That’s a totally different thing, but if my “No, of course not. I’m saying it -at least potentially- complicates things, and those complications are worth exploring/getting right.” isn’t taken at face value, then we’re right back at “I don’t have the f*cking energy to explain why water is wet.”

 

[chihayafuru]

@Nevermore @Friday
I hadn't said it was fine just cause they were a doctor and I'm not sure why they put doctor in quote marks, as if he wasn't even though they just said he was.
I wasn't particularly annoyed i just said if it was abuse then it's not fine and if he was just checking then it was fine. They didn't respond to me after that.
But I did feel attacked, like they seemed angry at me for something I didn't say and then the suddenly tired and zoning out happened which is what I'm confused about.
It just seemed like a weird thing to cause my reaction.

 

[Nevermore]

Oh sorry I think I didn’t read that well.
I know being misunderstood or invalidated are big triggers for me and why the whole ptsd thing has been so lonely…do you think it was that maybe?
Or maybe that person was somehow triggered by what you said and had a strong reaction not much to do with you, but all to do with being triggered..
And then you yourself got triggered?
It’s a bit of a minefield sometimes with ptsd. Connection is so so healing but hard to find sometimes.