Trauma Group Is Too Traumatizing

[Pilgrim]

@stenni it is a group that focuses on grounding, discovering your triggers and how to stay and feel safe, and not do self-harmful things. We don't have to, and are discouraged from, sharing any details of our traumas. That didn't stop some people from saying a little too much, though. What we are expected to talk about is what we do thats not in our best interest, in how we handle triggers, and what skills we're going to work on to avoid self destructive behaviors... Even this is too much for me, my first time out, in the group. I apologize for not making that more clear- it is NOT a group where you have to share details of what happened. I think I would have just got up and walked out of it, if that had been the case. No way am I talking about that, in a group of strangers. The support groups I used to go to that was the purpose, to talk about the effects of what happened. But it was totally voluntary.

 

[Born to Run]

Ok, no sorries. It is clear now, and still a good decision :)

 

[Chava]

I don't know your therapy situation but just on reading this it seems it would be more helpful to work with the trauma with one-on-one support. I would definitely claw my way out of a group setting. It's hard enough in therapy. It's excellent to find support and also work on the trauma, but the answers are different for all of us. Do you have another avenue for working on the trauma (therapist)? And are there other things you can do for group or social support that aren't so triggering? Like the abuse support (I do AA and appreciate having a group that understands all of my stuff but I don't have to go into trauma stuff in a group setting). This might just not be your thing. I just quit a form of physical therapy that felt like a very horrible fit for me. Instead of beating myself up (like usual) for being weak, I took it as a sign of listening to myself better...and I didn't give up but have started considering other options. In hindsight, I was very shutdown through this treatment while trying to be "open-minded"....I tried, but had simply crossed a limit and gotten into something that was going to cause me more instability than benefit.

I know in some group situations the focus can be too much on story-telling (how horrible our life has been) and not enough on sharing how we got through, or tools and resources. I've found this in AA. I stick with groups that feel hopeful. So it might be the dynamics of the group, or just the format (group therapy vs purely individual work for trauma).

It's important to know when to push yourself a bit but also knowing your limits...listening to yourself and finding a safer alternative is never a bad option. It doesn't sound like you are running away from working on the trauma but that this is an unhelpful format. Typically I might say try another week, but if you have extremely bad vibes right away maybe you'd feel more empowering searching for other options for support. ???

 

[rightkindofme]

I don't do well in trauma groups. It is okay to opt out of them if they don't work for you. :)

 

[Floridahank]

I think too many people afraid to try to find peace and relaxation by looking the religious answers that God has given to us for over 4,000 years through the Holy Bible. Answers from a counselor/therapist can be confusing and inconsistent because psychology/psychiatry are created by the therapist worldview which makes up their opinions and suggestions. Don't be afraid to look to deep, serious prayer and if you search the many religious sites available you will find thousands of topics you can choose from to find calming messages and sermons. I know they help because I listen to them every night when I go to sleep. and the best thing you can do it anytime you need it, and it's free. God's Bible has helped people with serious problems, but you have to try it yourself.

 

[Pilgrim]

Hi @Chava Yes, I do have a therapist. But getting to see her in any sort of predictable way is hard. Often its a month between sessions, and I can't feel comfortable to work on trauma issues w the constant interruptions in timing between appointments. My state has serious problems in the area of mental health care - payments to clinicians are pitiful, so many don't stay at clinics, or they go into private practice which I can't afford. All of the therapists and psychiatrists are under heavy strain with the load of of too many people needing treatment, vs the amount of available places to go. Medicaid payments to them in my state are among the lowest in the us.. It's not a good situation, at all. That said, I LIKE my T, and I am lucky or blessed to have a good friend who used to be a therapist, who spends hours talking with me, usually every week or 2. But this situation is also why I went looking online for more support..

 

[Pilgrim]

@Chava .. groups don't seem to be something I can handle. Not support type groups or therapy ones, anyway. I used to go to ACA group, and that was good, and fairly nonthreatening, to me. There are also Celebrate Recovery groups in my area. I used to go to one. They have one group for abuse issues, one for codependency, and also one for general issues in addition to the standard chemical dependence one to choose from. I would probably go to that one before anything else, really. At this point. For the abuse issues.

 

[Pilgrim]

@rightkindofme thanks. It does help to have validation on these things. :) I am so glad I found this place! Very grateful for all of your kindness and support. Thanks.

 

[Chava]

Yes, good to look for more support in ways that work for you. But I know it's hard to actually work on the trauma stuff with gaps like that. I've had some of that with my therapist being gone for medical stuff. And since I travel I don't usually see her weekly anyway. None of my very few friends know what I'm working with. They only know about my chronic pain some, and little at that because they are healthy and don't understand it so I don't talk about it. I know it's hard to feel isolated (I sort of do it to myself in general ways but I do know not many people understand our stuff). I hope the forum feels like helpful support for you.

 

[Pilgrim]

Yeah I do isolate myself a lot, too. But some people have attacked me, in my everyday life, for saying some of the things I have shared. It took me a long time to see that my vulnerability in those moments was really uncomfortable for them, but rather than admitting or dealing w their own discomfort, they attacked me, to try to make me shut up so their discomfort would go away.. Sometimes it's wise not to share too much, if you have a sense that people won't understand, or even want to try to understand.

 

[NarcSis]

I once went to a support group. It was stressed to us that it wasn't therapy, it was support group but then they wanted us to divulge our traumas the first time out and even through I got through it with a lot of snot, tears and hitching sobs, there was no help de-escalating and I spent the rest of the week much like you were, elevated, partially dissociated and afraid to go back.

I never did go back. I decided for me that it was not the right support group for me. I needed something that was going to be overseen by a professional in the field of trauma rather than a grassroots person. Deciding to attend support groups has a lot to do with what you need from them and whether they can provide what you need. Just like therapy, it has to be the right fit for you. If you're not ready, you're not ready.