Childhood Does it count as traumatizing?

[Muttly]

My dad did a lot of bad things but I loved him and still do. That's ok. It's not surprising you don't have a lot of feelings about what's going on. My guess is you are in survival mode and will process emotions more when you get out of the situation.

I agree that telling someone is a good idea. I also understand it's hard and scary. I don't think I would have told at your age either, no matter how many people said I should. I was too worried about destroying my mom and brother at that point. Now, with hindsight, maybe if I had told it could have helped them too? Maybe some secret part of my mom wished that my brother or I told? I will never know.

There's two things I am certain about. To be safe, and heal and be well in your life, you are going to need to get out of the situation you are in. That may be a few years off, but it's going to be important. And you are going to need outside support. Telling your friend was a good start. Posting here was a good start. Talking to a safe adult is going to be another step in that direction.

I wish there was more I could do to help you. The situation you are in is traumatizing, potentially dangerous and very harmful to you. You deserve better.

 

[Friday]

I am 16 and still live at home with him, and I really do love him because he's my dad but I kind of feel like these things might be bad things for a parent to do? I don't really feel many emotions about anything though so I don't really know how I actually feel about it and if its bad and traumatizing or not?
Can anyone help me with this please?

What would you expect to happen if you (or someone/anyone)…

1. Walked into a preschool/elementary/middle school and did those things to the kids/teachers, there?
2. Walked into someone else’s house, and did those things to the mom & kid who lived there?
3. If a friend called you in the middle of the night, because their dad was attacking their mom with a knife?

Honest questions. In each of those situations, is it right/wrong to do those things? What level of response would you expect from the kids/adults, witnesses, police/courts, etc.? Are these things that HAPPEN? Yes. But not because schools host the autumn come beat our kids night, or Winter formal attempted stabbing, spring into action and terrorize our students & staff! Nor, outside of horror movies, and genocides, are there national murder strangers holidays, like banking holidays. Instead? In MOST countries they’re super duper illegal. And most people, if they found out that was happening (witnessing, called by a friend, etc.) would either leap to help stop it, or call for help, themselves… police, badass who lives next door & all their friends, whatever.

It’s a good rule of thumb, when you can’t see the forest for the trees… to take a step back and look at how you would EXPECT the same situations to apply to others.

 

[amicableDog6980]

Thinking it's dumb to ask if this is bad or abuse is a lie often originating from concepts like what happens at home stays at home. That is definitely abuse and bad. I can relate to not knowing if something is bad/abusive or not and being scared to ask. I also felt a crushing fear of not being able to survive without my parents. It's up to you and how much you can handle, but sometimes it may be easier to not rock the boat of family life until you can move out and provide for yourself without fear of homelessness and starving. Then again that type of abuse may fit the criteria to get into a domestic violence shelter. I would highly recommend looking into what resources are available to you.

 

[Dee88]

This might be kind of dumb but I was just wondering if someone could maybe tell me if something has actually been traumatizing or not.
Basically my father has attempted to kill my mother by stabbing her to death with a knife (but missed and eventually stopped so nothing happened) and has planned to kill me to the point he's been outside my bedroom door holding a knife, but didn't come in and do it because my mum told him he wouldn't enjoy going to prison. He also used to lock me out the house for fairly long outs of time for various things (my first memory is at 3 for not finishing food) and would come into my room at night and beat me if he thought I wasn't asleep.
I am 16 and still live at home with him, and I really do love him because he's my dad but I kind of feel like these things might be bad things for a parent to do? I don't really feel many emotions about anything though so I don't really know how I actually feel about it and if its bad and traumatizing or not?
Can anyone help me with this please?

Muffin,
There literally are zero dumb questions when you are looking for truth. Trust in yourself and how you feel. Find a trusted friend, parent of friend, teacher, counselor, coach... somebody who can support your while your family can get resources to support the violence that you do not deserve to have penetrate your system. That is not who you are or what you want to be around, but you need support. Please reach out to a human, there are kind and compassionate people who will understand this situation. Do not forget there are hotlines and community resources in your area. You are not alone.
Dee88