Trauma Therapy - Advice Appreciated

[StellaBlue]

I am currently on therapy "vacation" with an appointment scheduled in March to reassess what I want to do. I am still in a DBT skills group but will finish that up fairly soon. I had a "crisis" last October after being triggered in therapy (different therapist from the one I'm taking a vacation from). While I'm not "cured", I am relatively symptom free right now. I feel solid - more solid than I have ever in my life. I am able to recognize my emotions, recognize when I've been triggered and I have a bunch of skills on board to deal with any distress. My interpersonal skills are fairly solid, I have a well paying job, I'm dealing with the kids and my life without resorting to maladaptive coping mechanisms.

The next step is processing the trauma. Quite frankly, I don't want to. I like where I am and I don't want to get sucked back into all of that mess.

I think I understand what the consequences of not processing the trauma are - I probably won't be able to be in an intimate relationship (makes me sad, but I can live with that), I will definitely be triggered at times (but I think I have the tools to deal with that), I will never be (as Maslow describes it) "self-actualized" (again, makes me sad, but hey, how many folks are?).

What are folks thoughts on this? Has anyone intentionally decided to leave their trauma in a box - recognizing it's there, but just sort of dealing with it as it comes up? Or am I deluding myself?

 

[scout86]

It seems to me that it's a choice and it's YOUR choice. You can always chose to go further at another time. But, keeping the Mar appointment and reassessing your goals sounds like a good idea. That's not the same as committing yourself to another round of therapy. It's committing yourself to consider the pluses and minuses.

 

[Chava]

The next step is processing the trauma. Quite frankly, I don't want to. I like where I am and I don't want to get sucked back into all of that mess.

I'd say consider just enjoying where you are at for now and keeping your options open...maybe journaling or finding ways to keep tab on how you're doing. I know I slip back into old habits and negative coping without always recognizing but gotten better for me.

My situation isn't quite the same but my new insurance company won't pay for my private practice therapist who does Somatic Experiencing and other body-focused trauma work. Within my network, there isn't really anything similar but I really don't want to feel like I'm starting this over anyway. It's so painful to even come out of my shell and talk about anything. I haven't processed all my stuff either. But I want to know how many sessions I have left because I either have to beef up my feeling of being okay with where I'm at and working a little more on resources, or I have to try to process everything somehow NOW. I don't like either option.

Close relationships don't seem like much of a reality for me either. It's really hard to know exactly what I should accept and what I should change. I'm very good at other kinds of less-close friendships and connections, so maybe I focus on those more so I don't isolate. I don't know. I've thought a lot about this stuff too. The longterm stuff like this does feel like something I need to know if I accept, find more resources for, or find other ways to work on in very small ways that can change gradually over time. Nothing can happen fast because I lose all ground.

Glad to hear you feel good about where you're at...I think that's the main thing. And other ideas for the sadness or possible recovery goals might come later. For now you can also keep lots of questions and notes for the therapist for when you talk about reevaluating. I've had to reevaluate my own goals a few times.

 

[Rumors]

@StellaBlue
I literally just had this exact conversation today. Let me know what you figure out and how you came to the conclusion... I am struggling with the same thing. I could have written your post.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I'm not sure I know what it means to process my trauma. I've done tons of therapy just to be able to tolerate having a trauma history without trembling and passing out.

I want to have EMDR and that means preparing for the work. And I think that's how I will process my trauma. My therapist has assured me that I don't have to target every single memory.

I have taken breaks from therapy. I just fall apart. This time I'm using a multi dimension strategy-therapy, yoga and Reiki because the way I see it, I have a brain that needs to be altered. Unfortunately, when its up to me I have always altered it by destructive means, getting nowhere.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Decide what is best for you *in this moment*. Don't worry about tomorrow, next week, next year.... You can ALWAYS go back to therapy at any time.

I may be in a little different place though. I have processed my childhood traumas already. I wasn't getting anything additional from therapy as it was making me worse to be on that therapy roller coaster week after week. I had a therapist telling me that I still needed to talk about it all since I was "symptomatic". (As if the cure to PTSD lies solely in talking about it....grrr.) I've been out of therapy for maybe a year and a half, and I am glad that I made this choice. It has given me the chance to stand on my own two feet for more than a week at a time. My safety net is gone, so I am forced to use coping skills to get through the bad times. There is no support between friends/family (with whom you can only talk about more benign issues) and a crisis line/ER. A HUGE jump, right? Much of the time I'm stuck in that middle place, so I am forced to deal with things on my own rather than depend on a therapist. I do recommend it to anyone who has had constant support from therapy and is doing well. That is, taking a break isn't necessarily taking a break.....it is putting your skills to work in the real world, on your own, without guidance.

I am currently not in contact with my mother, and have been so since November. I am fully aware that the dust needs to settle on this one before I can start to deal with it in therapy, as it would send me into a tailspin right now. So that's where I am.....waiting, seeing just how much calmer I can become on my own outside of her grasp.

I fully plan on going back to therapy at some point. But, right now, I'm still learning to get stronger on my own. And this is where I need to be.

 

[joeylittle]

I agree with many others here - if you are comfortable with your level of symptom-free, and DBT is really a strong tool for you, then I'd say just see what happens. I can tell your DBT is strong from the way you are accepting the things that you think you can never get back. My only caution would be, if there's a point where you feel like your symptoms are gone but your life is stuck and can't move forward, then it might be worth opening the box and clearing it out.

My bias is - I had it well boxed for a super-long time. But eventually it did just push its way forward. It makes me wonder when they will ever really figure out what happens to the brain, and why (for so many people) processing isn't avoidable.

But be in your now, and if your now is working for you, enjoy that! You might be more self-actualized than you are giving yourself credit for.:)

 

[StellaBlue]

I wasn't getting anything additional from therapy as it was making me worse to be on that therapy roller coaster week after week.

This is exactly how I feel right now. I know that therapy is hard and the belief is "you have to get worse before you get better" - but "talk" therapy makes me a lot worse - like suicidal-all-the-time, close to non-functioning worse. And, much to my surprise, the DBT skils group has helped so much (the first DBT therapist not so much).

I think a break is a good idea. But then I start to second guess myself. Big sigh.

 

[Chava]

Talk therapy made me feel very disconnected and disorganized. If my only option within my new insurance network is to start over with a talky therapist, I will actually feel more confident and stable going it alone...but not sure how I don't just numb out or how I keep tabs on not slipping backwards. If you like your DBT group, that's great because there is some kind of accountability. For me, an AA group is helpful and gives me space to keep myself somewhat in check.

 

[StellaBlue]

@Chava - my DBT group makes me cranky, but it is effective. I suspect I may just be a generally cranky sort of person.

I've also been working on a modified "WRAP" (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) so that I can keep an eye on things if they start to slip. I tried to pull one of these together last year, but couldn't get past the first part (What does it look like when I'm feeling well). I'm now in a place where I can do that so I can identify thoughts and behaviors that signal I am not doing well.