Trauma verbage in therapy

[EveHarrington]

Yeah the feeling I get is what I describe as “the world falling out from under me”. So probably a...

Ugh.

Just the thought of it being “sex” and not abuse makes me nauseous. I want to throw up.

 

[Friday]

My fav therapist discussed about things being in pieces. “So there’s a torture piece, so there’s a betrayal piece, so there’s a this piece, so about the that piece, so the kids piece, the control piece... etc.”

It was phenomenally useful to me, because it would go both up and down the scale in specific and broad instances. Huge pieces made up of tiny pieces. It could span my timelines in a way that made them linear & connected at the same time, instead of this horrid jumble of eye crossing brain melting FFS NVM DONE. :confused::wtf::banghead::mad::mad::mad:

My issue with words being emotionally charged doesn’t follow clear lines (yes it does), so being able to break things into smaller or larger pieces to work on those? Worked really well.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

We also do the “pieces” that Friday mentioned. I couldn’t say “rape” out loud for a long time during my “pre-therapy” with my best friend. For whatever reason, I can say the word now. My first T didn’t say the word, from what I remember.

Trauma words with current T: abandonment, rape, betrayal, unresolved issues (the easy answer for stuff she doesn’t have time to fix), self harm, shame, inappropriate touch.

 

[hymnless]

Ugh.

Just the thought of it being “sex” and not abuse makes me nauseous. I want to throw up...

Yeah at first I had a really hard time calling it sexual abuse or rape (for a lot of reasons) but mostly I just don’t call it anything. However that’s what she called it. Shortly after we started to talk about my responsibility in the entire thing (still tryinging to come to terms with not really having any responsibility...) she switched to the words I’d been using. I think partially so that I’d feel a little less uncomfortable talking to her or feeling like she’s correcting me, but also hearing her say it makes me realize how absurd it is that I thought it was sex......

@Friday I like the pieces. I have a very black and white, linear thought process so that’s a good way to make the puzzle fit together a bit better.

@TexCat good for you for being able to say your trauma :) I also like that you made a list of your trauma words! I might puke if I do that right now, but I’ll get back to you if I ever can ;)

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Yeah at first I had a really hard time calling it sexual abuse or rape (for a lot of reasons) but mos...

My T once told me that I communicate very well. This was after an email I sent her telling her that I can’t stay grounded, I feel like I failed at the last appointment and wish I hadn’t brought stuff up. I guess I can use words. Just too much, and then I regret it. Lol

 

[hymnless]

My T once told me that I communicate very well. This was after an email I sent her telling her that I c...

Oh I can send a fantastic email, the problem is then talking about what I said in the email. My three favorite feelings, as are as follows:
Overwhelmed
I don’t know
f*ck you

I’m really nailing this whole therapy thing. Really.

 

[Abstract]

I don't really know if that's a step I can take quite yet. It's only been pretty recently that I've e...

I totally relate to that and remember too that you get to set your pace with this stuff. You and her need to keep an eye on your general levels of stability. I find the intensity varies too. Sometimes it knocks me out of the field and other times not as much now.

I actually started off describing one experience by name in therapy to a non trauma t as if I was speaking about the weather - before diagnoses and all this was shot out the water - but really was very dissociated at that point and in my mind it hadn't happened to me. I Would be hit by random intense backlash after t which I didn't at all understand. Then the dissociation started improving, my first real joining up of the dots started and things changed very quickly after that!

I'm afraid I'm not the one to look to when it comes to being able to speak about it in person! Sadly. Plenty of people on here who are. That bout of therapy was decidedly slow and painful as speaking at all was something I could barely do. 45 out 50 mins was silence. I'm very good at theorising and understanding the concepts and am shocking at doing anything when there is another human being sitting across from me. Saying that though I am way way further along the line than I was. She used sand tray therapy and I could write. draw too.

Someone on here once advised me that our brains will dictate how fast they will allow us to go and the best thing is to work with and listen to that. That was very helpful to me. Its a 1 little step at a time thing! Try to be patient with yourself and just keep going.

If there is anything you don't want her to say at present are you able to email her and tell her? For example the sex thing.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Is it weird to anyone else to realize that these are actually crimes?

I am just now beginning to admit it and realize it as I still call my parents abusive! I started therapy in 1985 and I still cannot face the word incest. I can acknowledge and say the word rape but not the other.

It really helped me to see your words in black and white and for me a light turned on and I felt such anger at the realization so I have found this a very useful thread. What a club to belong to hey?

The first time I was in a incest group I heard a girl talking about her experience with oral sex with a family member, I had just started therapy I never cry....I broke down in loud wailing sobs and cried for a long time.

I really appreciate everything said here that everyone has said. Thank you.

 

[Freida]

Is it weird to anyone else to realize that these are actually crimes?

so yea -- i worked at 911. I made a living understand the words that go with crimes, how to try to make people comfortable talking, what questions to ask to up the chances of the suspect going to jail, etc, etc. One day I even found myself described to a T in a police training manual on how to deal with people who........... people like me that...... people that went thru things like.......(shit. I can't even type it out here!!!!!!) So yea, it always surprises me that I can't connect what happened to me as a crime.

Ts have both told me that when I can use the correct words to describe what happened then i will know I'm nearing the end of therapy. Right now I estimate that will be about 2075. heavy sigh

 

[jade53]

Unfortunately after my idiot GP got it in his head that I was suffering from bipolar delusions of grandeur and before retiring threatened to commit if he heard another word about my traumas since it meant I wasn't taking my medications, for me it's still hard distinguishing whether the therapy itself didn't always end up only being another traumatic event.
Trust me, it and I only got better from that.

 

[NightSky]

In email I’ve been able to use real words. Not “abuse”- for some reason I can’t. But I can write actual actions like oral sex or rape. In person i say “whatever happened. If anything actually happened.” Last session my T asked about flashbacks that go with body sensations/body memories and I totally shut down. I was able to say “it’s jaw pain. You can guess which flashback that goes with.” And then i spend the rest of the session not looking at her. There’s no way I could say the words. I wanted to disappear.
She says things like “with many of my clients who have been sexually abused..” etc to normalize things I do. But that’s as specific as she ever gets. She doesn’t even refer to my traumas specifically. She will just say “with trauma. Or with ptsd. Or with sexual abuse” and then tell me something that is common. I still feel like it happened to someone else so i think she just keeps trying to remind me that my symptoms are normal based on “whatever happened. If anything happened.”

 

[deeplyloved]

It’s astounding how difficult it is to just say the words. I notice my therapist taking a breath and seeming to choose carefully how to refer to any trauma. She wants me to stay in the room with her. That’s our number one priority. If I disassociate, then the wave crashes on me hours later and I have a tough time coping. She once asked me to consider telling all health care providers that I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse so they can give me better trauma-informed care. I felt a strong negative reaction to her suggestion and asked why in the world would I ever in a million years say THAT to anyone?!?!