Trusting Your T

[SergeantTh]

I have been in therapy for a few months now with my new therapist and I have been doing my best to trust him but I just can't fully open up to him. This is a huge problem and would like advice on how to trust him so we can start fully working on my issues.

 

[cynicalangel]

Honestly I think it just takes time. Trust has to be earned. Maybe it would help you open up if he opened up to you about himself?

 

[Poofycat]

Talk about it with your T. It's something I still struggle with after 1.5 years. It comes and goes, and when I find myself losing trust I bring it up and we talk about it. It's a tough one, but also a common one that your T should be familiar dealing with.

 

[Suzetig]

A few months is no time at all - it takes time to build a strong therapeutic relationship. It might help if you were able to think about what you want to trust him with, and take baby steps from there. So if you wanted to trust him enough to cry in front of, or to talk about your biggest trauma, or to disagree with him, or to challenge him - all perfectly valid in therapy and all needing different levels of trust depending on what you find difficult. Talking to him about what you want to trust him with and what makes that hard (i.e. I want to talk about x but I think you'll think I'm being really silly) can be a valuable exercise and builds trust in the relationship.

To be honest I had lots of sessions where I left feeling like I hadn't done any of what I wanted to and that the hour was wasted. Looking back now I can see we were building the foundations of a trusting relationship so all that time has stood me in good stead.

 

[MisterCatLady]

It took me 4 months to open up to my T for the first time, another 2 to open up a second, and that was with constant reassurance and validation from her. Like she would tell me every week not to worry about it. It really just does take time. Right now I'm in the best place I've ever been with trusting her but in my last session I had an anxiety attack because I thought she didn't believe me. Again she was very patient and reassuring. So I'm learning that for me, even after it gets better, it still sucks sometimes.

 

[watundah]

When they can prove that they will show up reliably, listen actively, not marginalize your needs, and so on, well, then it still takes time. It is hard to be patient sometimes but it is a slow, gradual process, moreso than with anyone else because there's so much at stake.

 

[qwyoey]

I agree with everyone- bring it up with your T. This is something very common. And give yourself a break and don't expect it is something active. It comes with time.

 

[Rumors]

I have been with mine almost a couple years and there are lots of things I can't say out loud! I think for me it is the fact that I am afraid that my t will realize that I am deplorable and kick me to the curb.... Not sure if that is a trust issue or not...

 

[Sighmon]

I was the one who posted the original post. A big thing for me right now is he had asked me a question and that made me felt like he didn't want me to go to therapy anymore but I know he was just wanting to see how therapy was going for me. Paranoid much? Haha. I just want to finally be able to fully trust someone.

 

[Panda Bear]

Talking about it openly with your T, a lot! And time....lots and lots of time. Took me 2yrs to fully trust T. Some stuff didn't even come out until year 3(5yr relationship)

T thought that I trusted him long before I did and once I brought it to his attention, that I indeed did NOT, things got better. He assumed that since he was doing all the right things, that I was capable of following along with him. That trust had been formed over a period of time and with him being available, safe, validating, etc. He really didn't know how incapable I was of trusting him until I brought it to his attention. It was amazingly helpful because he was able to change how he was working with me, and this benefited us both!

 

[Sergeant TH]

Talking about it openly with your T, a lot! And time....lots and lots of time. Took me 2yrs to fully...

In what way can I tell him I need more from him so I can trust my T? I know there are only so many questions I can ask about him to get to know who he is. I just feel like if I actually knew him a bit more then I would be able to trust him more.

 

[Panda Bear]

Talk openly with your T about how you don't quit trust him yet. That he may be in a place where you aren't capable of meeting him just yet. This brought about a lot of reassurance from my T about who he was, how he would show me he was trustworthy, what I could look for and call him out on should he fail me. What he would do if he was wrong, failed me, or hurt me. He was very specific in how he would handle situations that involved trust so that I could really start to see how he was going to care for me and my fears.

I guess I'm not talking about asking specific, personal questions, here. Though as time went on, T did open himself to certain areas of his own life, in order to bring about some common ground. Especially when I was struggling in certain areas that he happened to have commonality.

You just need to talk about it! Tell him your struggling with trust...he may ask you what trust looks like or feels like? He may ask if you have any trustworthy people in your life? He may ask you to imagine what qualities a person with trust has? There are so many places to go.....just bring it up :)