Trusting Your T

[Suzetig]

That's really good advice, I found trust grew with my T by her being consistent, caring, openly valuing of me and her being utterly honest - even when I found it hard to hear what she was saying. It wasn't about her telling me who she was, it was her showing me who she was.

I wonder if focussing on what makes you feel safe in relationships (and maybe learning that for the first time?) rather than what you need to know about your T might help you get there.

That's what I meant by sessions where I felt I hadn't done any work but could see later we had been building a relationship. She wasn't telling me about her personal life etc, she was offering me a relationship with her based on who she is by proving herself trustworthy in her consistent, caring response to me even if I sat and waffled for an hour, repeated the same stuff a dozen times etc.

Not sure if that makes sense?

 

[LadyZane]

I think this week is the first time i ever realized i have never let myself trust a therapist -- kind of the way i just don't tend to trust anyone with my real feelings. I made myself talk about something this week that had been affecting me strongly for about 6 months and which I hadn't told anyone about yet, but I never thought to just come out and say "i have a hard time trusting you because i have a hard time trusting people." I'm going to try it now though.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@SergeantTh Been there and done that, my who life I never let anyone in, had a lot treatment, a lot of hospitals, but never really was able to allow myself to even take the risk to trust some, today that's no different, but what is different is I finally decided to take the risk, and not hold back with my therapist. While I am scared, feel vulnerable, and bunch of other things, I am for the first time getting the help I have always needed.

Sometimes to get better we have to set our distrust of people and the world aside if we are to get better. I know its not easy to do, it took me a life time and I am 58 to get to where I could take the risk of blind trust with a therapist (blind because I could never trust). As my therapist said the other day when we talked about how vulnerable I feel not keeping the walls of distrust up going into abuse therapy, and with her, she said that I was not ready before, and now I am. I agree with her, but the reality of it all scare the crap out of me.

I don't know where you are with your therapy, but you may want to look at the pro's and con's of being distrustful when it comes to a therapist, compared to take the risk of letting a therapist earn your trust by starting of with blind trust like I did.

for me the con that came with maintaining my walls of distrust with my therapist was I was perpetually unhappy, and it is a lot of work being guarded all the time. Unhappy such that if I was to continue that way I would prefer to be dead. So I made the decision to let my walls down going into therapy. And I made the right decision, I am going thru hell now but its because I am for the first time getting the help I always need but would never allow any close enough to help me.

 

[MisterCatLady]

And I made the right decision, I am going thru hell now but its because I am for the first time getting the help I always need but would never allow any close enough to help me.

That's how I feel. Like I'm going through hell but it's better than wanting to die all the time. I'm actually feeling things, horrible things, but I'm not as dead inside.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

It seems a lot of us share a lot in common.

I know for me, I have never stopped wishing I were dead, but that can't happen, as I always get hospitalized when I even think about making it happen, so I am left with getting better. I don't know if it will make enough difference, but I have to try.