WildGinger
New Here
I'm a 29 yr. old female who's been in recovery from PTSD for nearly a decade. I attend therapy weekly and take medication to deal with anxiety and depression. I'm now professionally employed and able to function quite well, with the exception of relationship issues.
About a year and half ago, I met a nice man who is 43 yrs. old. Whenever we would run into each, which was somewhat often since we live in a small town, we'd stop to chat with one another. We'd help each other out with little things as well as we became aware of them. He told me early on that he has PTSD as well and has been in therapy now for more than a year. Slowly, the time we spent together became more frequent and involved, which had a lot to do with me moving (serendipitously) across the street from a good friend of his. We became very good friends and started feeling each other out for more.
At this point, we have not had sex, but have kissed and fooled around a little and slept in the same bed on a number of occasions. We go grocery shopping together, cook for each other, go out to eat, out dancing, sit by the fire and drink wine and have long conversations. He sometimes joins me for yoga. We took a trip recently a few hours away to the city where he grew up. We booked a room with separate beds. We've expressed that we love each other and want the best for the other as an individual.
From the outset, however, he has been hesitant to be more than friends with me. He told me that he has a tendency to disappear and that he's afraid he will hurt me.
A few nights ago we were talking about getting physical--having sex--in the near future and expressed our care for one another. However, he is still hesitant to "commit" to being in a relationship with me. I don't want to pressure him, but expressed that I wasn't sure that I could have sex with him outside that commitment (even though I was the one months ago that wanted to hop in sack and he wanted to wait). I clarified that I want a longterm relationship, not something casual. We didn't make any decisions that night.
The next night he came over for a beer (had 3 sips, so, no, it wasn't the alcohol) and out of nowhere he started an argument. I calmly noted the fact that he was yelling at me and he stopped. We changed the subject, but then he left in a hurry, not finishing his beer. A few minutes later, he called to cancel a date we had made for him to help me with a project I was working on and cancel a counseling appoint I had made (and he agreed to) earlier in the day. He explained that he needed to focus on himself right now and that he wishes me the very best. Unfortunately, him pulling away like this is not the first time. When he does, I give him space. He's come back in the past, but I'm not sure if he will this time. I could use some help figuring out what is going on with him.
Also, I'm not sure if I want him to come back. The ambiguity of our relationship is very difficult for me. I think I've gotten to a place where I'm ready, willing, and able to have a loving, mutually respectful relationship and want to embark on a journey with a partner who is at the same jumping off point. I'm fearful of committing to someone who doesn't want commitment. I could also use some help figuring out what is going on with me. He has become a very special person in my life and I would take his friendship any day over a bad romantic relationship between the two of us.
Any insight into how to move forward from here would be GREATLY appreciated.
About a year and half ago, I met a nice man who is 43 yrs. old. Whenever we would run into each, which was somewhat often since we live in a small town, we'd stop to chat with one another. We'd help each other out with little things as well as we became aware of them. He told me early on that he has PTSD as well and has been in therapy now for more than a year. Slowly, the time we spent together became more frequent and involved, which had a lot to do with me moving (serendipitously) across the street from a good friend of his. We became very good friends and started feeling each other out for more.
At this point, we have not had sex, but have kissed and fooled around a little and slept in the same bed on a number of occasions. We go grocery shopping together, cook for each other, go out to eat, out dancing, sit by the fire and drink wine and have long conversations. He sometimes joins me for yoga. We took a trip recently a few hours away to the city where he grew up. We booked a room with separate beds. We've expressed that we love each other and want the best for the other as an individual.
From the outset, however, he has been hesitant to be more than friends with me. He told me that he has a tendency to disappear and that he's afraid he will hurt me.
A few nights ago we were talking about getting physical--having sex--in the near future and expressed our care for one another. However, he is still hesitant to "commit" to being in a relationship with me. I don't want to pressure him, but expressed that I wasn't sure that I could have sex with him outside that commitment (even though I was the one months ago that wanted to hop in sack and he wanted to wait). I clarified that I want a longterm relationship, not something casual. We didn't make any decisions that night.
The next night he came over for a beer (had 3 sips, so, no, it wasn't the alcohol) and out of nowhere he started an argument. I calmly noted the fact that he was yelling at me and he stopped. We changed the subject, but then he left in a hurry, not finishing his beer. A few minutes later, he called to cancel a date we had made for him to help me with a project I was working on and cancel a counseling appoint I had made (and he agreed to) earlier in the day. He explained that he needed to focus on himself right now and that he wishes me the very best. Unfortunately, him pulling away like this is not the first time. When he does, I give him space. He's come back in the past, but I'm not sure if he will this time. I could use some help figuring out what is going on with him.
Also, I'm not sure if I want him to come back. The ambiguity of our relationship is very difficult for me. I think I've gotten to a place where I'm ready, willing, and able to have a loving, mutually respectful relationship and want to embark on a journey with a partner who is at the same jumping off point. I'm fearful of committing to someone who doesn't want commitment. I could also use some help figuring out what is going on with me. He has become a very special person in my life and I would take his friendship any day over a bad romantic relationship between the two of us.
Any insight into how to move forward from here would be GREATLY appreciated.
