Um, Hi.

[Love&Light]

Hi,

I'm not sure what to say. I'm 34, mother of an 18 y.o. daughter, in a supportive marriage. I don't remember if there was a life before abuse or what it may have been like. As far as I can gather, my abuse history went from age 0 to 29.

My biggest issues lately have been fallout from violations of trust. I don't trust anyone or anything. I can't even force myself to write a journal: I had one used against me. If someone tells me the sky is blue, I check. I know that if I do actually find a good therapist, her records can be laid open publicly with a simple subpeona, then fed to voracious spin-doctors.

Any ideas? The world has always been a very scary place for me.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Love&light,
Trust is difficult. However, if you find a good therapist you can learn to trust them slowly. They will understand that survivors have serious trust issues.

Welcome to the forum
Regards
Lucy x

 

[cherryblossom]

Hello Love&light :wave:

Welcome to the forum

I think trust issues are a very big difficulty for survivors. But I also believe that it can get better, it's just a very slow proccess - lots of baby steps ;)

 

[Nyx]

Welcome!

I can't even force myself to write a journal: I had one used against me.

I understand that so well. It was really hard for me to start a journal again, as my journal has twice brought me trouble. Once it was used by a boyfriend who was crazy jealous and the second time by my father, who raped me. But I did start one here eventually, and it has been helpful. I used it for comfort and for discovering patterns.

My T tells me to keep a journal of important stuff separately and it helps during our sessions. There are different things you can use it for.

Just take your time, get comfortable here and see where that leads you.

Take care.

 

[leanne1321]

Hello Love&light,

Welcome to the forum. Trust is definately an issue, but having a good T and supportive people around you will help.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Hi Love&Light,

First of all, welcome to the forum! I hope that you learn to find this a safe place to share. We have all been through similar experiences and can definitely empathize.

I also understand the trust issues. I definitely have difficulty trusting people, whether I have known them for a short or long time. There is always a guard that I have up.

As far as finding a therapist, if you look for one, try to find a trauma therapist. Trauma therapists through their training understand what trauma does to people, especially sexual abuse. It might take a few tries to find a therapist with whom you click. You are allowed to check out therapists. Trust will take significantly longer to build up and may not happen for a long time. That is ok and the therapist will not be upset. Even while you are still learning to trust, therapy can help you work through some of the issues with which you are struggling.

Best of luck!

 

[Jay]

Welcome and hello. I'm new to the forum too and wanted to let you know that you're not alone in your trust issues. Checking out your therapist is good. It's a good to know how well they perform and it will make some of your anxiety at seeing one less. I myself have deep seated trust issues, so much so that I am always suspicious, so I have an idea of what you feel.