General Unsure How To Proceed...

[WhyAnon]

Been seeing a sufferer of PTSD for the past month. I've known him for a few years now, we dated over a year ago and he wound up going through an isolation episode where he pushed everyone out of his life in order to get a handle on the situation.

He came back into my life after over a year and apologized with his entire heart, how he knew how badly he messed up and it could have, should have been handled differently, and understood if I hated him. Of course, I don't hate him. I never did, and we've been talking ever since. He has sought treatment, and I think generally has a grasp on the symptoms.

We've seen each other a number of times, each time him opening up a little bit more, talking about how he was put on sleep medication, how sometimes he has terrible anxiety and paces around and can't sleep, how sometimes he feels like he's not good enough.

Last week he told me how much he liked me. That I'm the only one who's ever understood him. How we could really be great together, that he would make it work. The entire night he had me smiling so much my face hurt, we talked, danced, laughed... saw him the next day as well. Cuddled, kissed... and now here I am.

I knew the day after that, things were a little off. I am very in tune with subtlety and realized he wasn't in touch as much. Wasn't calling me. Was just "off." I gave him him space, didn't initiate unless he did, when he did I acted the same, no judgment no anger, just picked up right where we left off. He said that he was stressed a bit, feeling like he wasn't doing as well as other people in life, and that he was OK... but trying to pull himself together.

Of course, typical me, I had to go screw things up. I couldn't keep it inside me anymore, and last night I asked him if I could ask a question, and asked why things felt weird. He admitted it was him, and that he wasn't trying to be weird with me. I responded saying I had a lot going through my mind and wasn't sure if it was appropriate at this time to bring it up or not...

Ignored.

Typical idiot me--- I didn't even connect the dots that it was potentially PTSD related until I sent that damn message. Things were going so well, with consistency and him opening up and trusting me that me knowing he even had PTSD was pushed so far into the back of my head that it wasn't even a thing I thought to think. Now I'm at that "a-ha" moment, a little too late.

It's been all day. And now I'm pretty sure I effectively pushed him into a place where he's not even going to reach out at all. The past week he's been minimal, but at least reaching out. Now...I think I made it where he's irrationally fearing some sort of reaction from me, and WON'T.

Did I royally screw up here? He's obviously in "push her away" mode and I'm not sure what my next move should be, if any. I alternate between wanting to say something supportive, to just deleting the message and putting my phone down.

Thanks for any help or guidance here. I really like the guy. :(

 

[EveHarrington]

I think you're jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst. I'd normally urge sufferers who do the same to check out CBT skills----maybe that would help you?

I say reach out in a day or so and be casual, no pressure.

PTSD is very much up and down. Over time the waves decrease but the truth is that these cycles may never completely end.

I urge you to read up on PTSD as much as you can.

If you think that you can handle periods of less contact and isolation then perhaps things will work out. If these aren't things you wish to deal with, then it may be best to move on as your own needs matter too.

 

[Mytime]

My experience as a supporter, when I ask a question it may take a little more time to get the answer do to processing the answer. Just give him some time. He told you how he feels,
believe in that. Because it can help get you through the hard times.

 

[WhyAnon]

Well... doesn't really matter anymore. Finally got it out of him today that he can't do "us." He thought he could. He can't. He gets panic attacks when people get close to him. He doesn't want me out of his life. We have fun together. He cares about me. Wants to still talk to me. I'm alternating between wanting to hate him, wanting to keep some sort of relationship, and just, helplessness.

 

[leelee]

If you want to be with him, take it SSSLLLOOOWWWW. Its the battle in his mind not with you, if you can understand. Let him reach out,be his Best friend. If he needs time to himself, let him have it and dont think negative about it.Sometimes we have to be a reclouse just to get rested and contuniue on with everyday life. But its not implying that we dont wont to be around the very few people we want around us.I am blessed to have someone in my life who understands and gives me the time I need. Do your research and than decide, it takes alot to have a relationship with someone with cptsd/ptsd. Good luck, and I hope this was useful.