General Up and Down! Hubby Struggling With PTSD Course

[anthony]

Nope... he hasn't yet. I couldn't, and I knew I couldn't. The constant helicopters flying on roof tops, overhead, fighters, vehicles, rifle fire, etc etc etc... not a chance in hell.

All the guys I know that are still in Townsville with PTSD, are all still a total mess and still using alcohol to drown their memories. I knew I had to get out in order to give myself some sanity, and it was confirmed by doing so.

 

[Jen]

But he will sit and watch things on TV relating to the Military if there was something on Somalia he will sit and watch it.
I was talking to Martha again ( she keeps in touch with emails) she said there is a lot that he is not talking about yet. In the clinic he sits up in the corner behind everyone I asked him about this he said he likes to be able to see everyone? She thinks maybe he is not comfortable with a female counsellor she is going to talk to him about this.
Jen

 

[jods]

Hi Jen
I'm sorry your hubby is finding it hard at the course. How about you, how are you coping while this is going on.

 

[Jen]

Hi Jods Im ok I think maybe I was expecting things to be a bit better he seems ok going there now.
But he has only 2 weeks to go wonder if things will change?
Not real confident about it:dont-know
Jen

 

[anthony]

Yer... it can be an issue. Veterans are funny creatures, in that we idealy like to speak with other veterans, because they know what we know, we don't have to explain the things we see, because they have seen it, felt it and experienced it themselves. I guess there is a difference from being in a car crash, raped, beaten, robbed, held up, etc etc, too being in war, where you get to see and do all these things, and more even.

It took me some time, and it was after the course, that I really opened up and looked inside myself. I have told everything to a counsellor prior to attending that course, didn't reveal everything upon the course directly, but did talk pretty openly when we where outside amongst one another. That is where most of the therapy goes on, truly it is.

He is allowing his fear to win... and that is what he must learn to let go off.

 

[Jen]

Anthony did you carry on with seeing a counsellor after the course? Martha seems to think he should I will be encouraging that he does?
Jen

 

[anthony]

No I didn't, I went it alone, because by that stage, too be honest, I was all counselled out and really they where doing little for me. I had to learn myself, and that is the only way, but saying that, one must also be dedicated to bettering themselves, not sit around on their pity pot telling everyone that they are working on themselves.

 

[tig]

Anthony, I believe cops are in the same type of club as Vets... I'm told they think "they have to keep "it" all inside or someone will think they're crazy." But that's not the case!
I was trying to get my husband to open up more to me (not be so withdrawn & isolated) & his response was "if you knew all the demons inside my head..." Then he grew silent. The thing is, I DO know some of the demons inside there (& they're not pretty ones). Over the past 10 years, they've jumped out & "introduced" themselves to me. I didn't run screaming into the night.
I just want him to lean on me when he needs to-- I don't want to know the stories for shock value, but so that I can help him as I have in the past. In former times, we went thru this together; but now I'm "locked out." :wall: I can't help if I don't know what I'm dealing with. (After 20 yrs of working in ICU/ER, I've got an iron stomach. I was working in the ER that received those victims of the propane explosion...)
Why must he be so withdrawn & unaffectionate? This never happened before. I understand everything you said-- but how can we move forward when his demeanor is as is, & I find myself feeling angry & alone? :dont-know
HELP!

 

[anthony]

Tig, you are correct, and it is another double edge sword event. For the spouse to support and help the sufferer, they must know what they are dealing with, and then for the sufferer to let it out to the spouse, they also risk the spouse with transferance... even though most don't know what it is, when you have that emotional connection, it occurs more frequently.

Terry must talk too you in small doses about how things make him feel in regard to his trauma, which means he doesn't have to tell you all the gory details as such, but a spouse can have the understanding required if they know how one another is feeling about a trauma, a rough outline as such generally paints a picture for a person.

 

[tig]

Anthony, I'm glad you understand. Although transferance is a risk in situations as these, I don't fear it. Just as I know all the details experienced (some via flashbacks), I have no problem distinguishing his experiences from mine. I empathize with him, yet realize fully those demons are not mine.
The HARDEST part is getting him to talk to me at all now about how he feels with regard to his trauma in any respect. I'd love a rough outline-- then I might be better able to help him with/thru the anxiety he's feeling when it gets bad. Any advice?

 

[Jen]

Talking to hubby last night I said I am disappointed that he hasnt been doing PT at the clinic as he does no exercise. He said he will exercise when he wants to not when someone tells him to.
Then he proceeded to tell me that when they were in Somalia they were made to do PT on the rooftop of a building they would get shot at, guys had diarrhea some were sick told to toughen up and get on with it.
STUPID BLOODY ARMY!
If I would have known this earlier I wouldnt have nagged about him not exercising I am not a mind reader:dont-know

 

[Jen]

Hi Tig my last post is an example of them not opening up. I dont want to know all the gory details and he knows that.As long as he knows that you are there to support him down the track he may open up a bit.
Jen