General Using Their Safe Place To Get Them Out Of Flashbacks

[amethist]

Last night hubby had a really bad time. It started as what he calls a wobble, not feeling too good in his mind, probably caused by the last minute change of plans earlier in the day, and then his friend telling him about how he has been over the last few weeks, (Not PTSD).

He went to bed to rest hoping it would pass, unfortunately it got worse. He had a flashback/nightmare, a really bad one he could not get out of. He was scared, he was very grey looking and was spiraling down hill fast.

I asked him if he needed the crisis team, (Bit stupid to ask that, from past experience with them, but ?). He said no You can help, but its bad.

So I took over, sat in front of him held his hands and suggested he got into his safe place, as he does after EMDR sessions with his therapist. I sat stroking his hand while he went through the same routine he has done with his therapist. It took around 10 minutes, and was very informative for me, but between us we got him back to the here and now.

He then told me he was so scared of being alone, of not being able to get out of this type of flashback. He wanted me to talk to him, about anything, help him to distract him from it all. Anything to keep him grounded, as he was struggling still and finding it hard to talk properly, and was worried he was not making sense. I dropped everything and spent about 2 hours just talking to him and keeping him on the same level.

After a rough night for both of us he was exhausted this morning, but better than last night. i suggested he go back to bed this morning, he was still unsteady on his feet, which is another thing that concerns him when he gets a bad one.

He was better still when he got up again, so I cut his hair and ran him a bath with Cyprus and Neroli essential oils mixed into some fragrance free bath gel.

By tomorrow he should be about right again, is determined to go do the last bit of food shopping with me. Only have to pick up some pork pies, after I have had my hair cut in the morning.

So now we have decided if this happens again, we will use his therapists technique to bring him back out of his really bad flashbacks/nightmares. Using his safe place as well as me either stroking or tapping his hands.

Amethist

Amethist

 

[Darkness Shines]

My husband uses a form of guided visual meditation to bring me out of flashbacks. Probably similar to what you're talking about. He gets me to focus on his voice and describes a safe, peaceful place in great detail. Usually a deserted beach. It works if the flashback comes on slow enough that we have a window of time where I'm actually capable of focusing. That's not always the case. Sometimes I have to go through and come out the other side before I can comprehend what he's saying good enough to let him put me into the meditation. I think he can hypnotize me just with his voice. It even happens when he's just telling me a story sometimes.

Touching is our first line of defense, actually. I feel really safe when he's holding me and that alone is all it takes to put the brakes on sometimes.

Of course I've been on the other side too. You know, as the carer. With my brother and with James, my husband, too. Yeah, actually we all three have PTSD. James is just milder than me and my brother. Its such a feeling of helplessness, though, being on the other side. I know how to lead the meditations, i know how to ground others, which doesn't seem to translate into doing it for myself.

You're such a brave lady to go through all this, Amethist. And still have the energy to come on here and try to help others too. That's amazing. Your posts sound so focused and optimistic. I wish I was that brave.

The grounding safe place technique you use with your husband, is it anything special or do you just describe the safe place?

 

[amethist]

This is the first time we have done it this way Darkness Shines, this is the first time he has been able to work it this way too.

Normally I sit in front of him, holding his hands and just talking to him. The sound of my voice used to be the only thing that could get him back.

In Therapy his Therapist has done EMDR, he takes him into the memories and brings him back into his safe place before he finishes. It is a place that he decided for him self a place where car transporter that was the cause of his accident could not get to him, there were a few before this but the transporter got through. It has never got into this one, ever.

I did not tell him about his safe place he did it himself. I just sat holding and stroking his hands while he described it from the beginning. This way he could feel the sensations of being there as well as describing it.

I also use a safe place for my own mind when it races from all the stresses of PTSD. A bit like guided
meditation really, you have a beginning and an end. I do ground my self first, I have a good way of doing that, not taught my husband how to do that yet, as he is not ready for it, but one day I will. I sometimes use a CD of Native American Indian music playing very softly in the background, it help me to focus.

Yes you can do all this yourself, but it does take practice. If you can teach others you should be able to do this yourself.

Amethist

 

[KP the nut]

Amethist you sound amazing. I cannot say your husband is lucky to have you because you are lucky to have each other. I feel that with my husband.
I have to ground myself using three elements, earth - feeling how i am sitting, the chair beneath me; wind - concentrating on breathing; water - thinking of a delicious food. Then I go to my safe place.
God bless you and your husband
KP

 

[shadowchaser]

The drums in native music have been shown to help regulate the heart beat. This is why so many people instinctively turn to music. There is a certain caidance to the songs that most of us listen to when we are in a state and trying to get out of it. I've noticed this about myself and the songs I listen to most.

For example my music runs the gamete. I have a little bit of everything on my ipod. But the one I turn to when I need to calm is Keb Mo. Here is one of my favorites from him. Stand up

 

[intothelight]

Shadowchaser,

I love Keb Mo! Makes me want to go Memphis.

Deb

 

[AdamAnt]

Hey! really liked that shadowchaser! I LIKE the blues banjo too!

 

[Christopherhg]

I have found that the scent of lavender really helps them calm down when they are stressed. I am not sure why but it really helps.

 

[amethist]

Lavender is a good calming oil to use Christopher, but a grounding one is best for flashbacks.

All essential oils should be used carefully, as aromatherapy could cause other problems if not used correctly. Taking note of any safety data with each essential oil.

 

[Sunshine71]

Thanks for the info here - I also try to calm my husband down and talk to him.

He said this last night - please talk to me lets talk about something to take my mind off things.

My hubbie also like to have a long soak in the bath although I do get scared as he did self harm while in the bathroom a while back so I do prefer to be in the house while he does this.

Take care all xx

 

[shadowchaser]

On the subject of oils one of my friends is a massage therapist and very skilled with oils. The best that I have found from her to keep me "here" is a lemon and cedar mix. Many of the citrus are good for grounding you during flash backs.

 

[amethist]

Very true shadowchaser.

Lemon grass and Cedar Wood is one of the new blends hubby now has in a bath. He even has his own set of oils to choose from, depending on what he needs at the time.