Vent - Having A Bad Day!!

[Robbed]

I would like to escape this world today. My head is full of flashbacks and I have found that I have lost segments of today. Dissociation in my eyes is unforgivable. I understand it for others but I should be better at having a handle on it by now. I am so sick of it. I wonder what happend to 2hours this morning and have lost 1 hour this afternoon. I have racing thoughts today and I can't seem to catch up with them. I jot down notes to remind myself to have a drink, go to the toilet and even to eat something. I am so sick of by brain being so ratty. I dread the idea of trying to sleep tonight. I will have to hide my keys as I don't seem to be able to find them when I am dissociated. The amount of things that I have to put in place to manage from day to day makes working for a living very difficult. My work place is very understanding and can usually tell when I am having a bad day. Luckily I seem to want to overachieve at my work when I am like this and they constantly tell me to slow down. Maybe that is better than not being able to function at all. Sorry about the rambling but I had to get it off my chest.I think this is what I would like to do to my head today:crazy:Thanks for listening

 

[Deleted member 541]

I understand that this is a vent thread and that you are extremely upset with yourself, but please give yourself some slack here. You are excepting of others that have dissociation, but you should have a better handle on it??? What makes you any different and why shouldn't you be accepting of yourself???

If you overachieve at work are you a workaholic and using work to avoid looking at or dealing with your trauma????

 

[Robbed]

Yes She cat I think that I do overachieve at work to avoid my trauma, but what else can I do when I have to work full time to survive. I think I have adopted this as my may of coping when my brain is busy. What else can I do when I am at work. There never seems enough time in the day to allow myself enough time to deal with this. If I allow myself time at night then my flashbacks over ride any amount of sleep that I may get. I wish I could jump off this treadmill, I seem to go round and round . I have asked my therapist if I took 6 months off work and constantly worked on my PTSD as an inpatient ( as he said I would need to be to remain safe) did he think it would be helpful and would I resolve all my issues, He said that he thought keeping me in touch with people and not isolating me in hospital would be better as he felt I would not be able to manage 6 months of constant therapy. He keeps telling me to allow the time it needs to surface and then reslove but I fear my life will be over and I will not have enjoyed any of it. I am 48 now how long do I have? I couldn't reply to your post before this as I have been punishing myself and would not allow myself to open this site as I felt I did not deserve to let anyone know how I felt. Thanks for the advice but I am so sick of my life !!

 

[Deleted member 541]

Why would you want to punish yourself for feeling the way that you do??? You have PTSD, are going through hell, are trying to work and maintain some kind of normalcy, and yet you feel the need to punish yourself??? Being kind to yourself is a better way to go. Trying to understand what you are going through and finding healthy coping skills is more effective than punishment.. You didn't ask for PTSD...Don't punish yourself for having it.

I don't know what trauma that you have had, but working on yourself is a priority... You very well may need(at some point) to stop working and focus on yourself. I'm not sure that a person needs to do this in a hospital setting. Many people also continue to work and work on their healing. It really depends on the person and trauma.

Running or trying to escape from our triggers, anxiety, flashbacks doesn't work. It actually makes things worse. Facing your symptoms, and working through them is the way to go. Talking/writing about your trauma and pulling it apart is best.

Please read as much as you can on the forum, start a trauma diary and start asking questions....