Very Public Panic

[Suzetig]

I have some long standing issues at work relating to bullying by my line manager, I was placed with a temporary manager for a year while they sorted out mediation and they finally returned me to bullying manager at the end of January. At that time I asked for specific supports to be put in place for me, to help me cope with the stress of returning to her line management after what was by then 18 months of working away from her with no improvement in our relationship during that time period. They agreed to the supports I requested but after 2 months none have been put in place, despite reminders.

Today I had a massive panic attack during our monthly management meeting, I had to leave the room, tried to ground myself and return but ended up in another panic attack. I tried three times to return to the meeting and in the end had to drive home. The manager hasn't done anything huge that's the cause of this, but she's made it clear she won't offer emotional support that would be the norm in my area of work and there have been a number of stressful issues around over the last few months including significant illness in a staff member I manage and the unexpected death of a colleague. On one level it makes sense that I'm struggling, but on another I feel a complete failure, like I can't cope with the stress of my job. Until this bullying complaint, I was considered one of the strongest, most competent in my role. Now I can't actually imagine being able to go back to work.

I'm usually able to see a way through but am struggling just now, has anyone successfully negotiated a return to work under these circumstances?

 

[KwanYingirl]

A colleague of mine was pregnant and our manager told her she had to do portable x-Rays and work in the OR. In the Radiography field, it is a professional courtesy to help protect pregnant Radiographers from radiation. The staff supported her but our supervisor was unbending. My friend took her to the grievance commuter and I went with her to support her.
The committee supported my colleague, but the boss started harassing me because I stood in solidarity with my coworker. This went on getting worse and worse and even worse after I filed a complaint. I was stripped of my status as lead Mammographer and was told I wasn't wanted there.
I quit. Human services begged me to stay and work toward a resolution but I knew it would continue to be a hostile environment. The supervisor was fired. By then I had a better job but was discriminated by a a Radiologist who was buddies with the Radiologist at the other hospital. He treated me like shit for years. Our supervisor at hospital #2 was illegally dumping darkroom chemicals without our knowledge. We were all sick with bizarre respiratory diseases. We complained to the safety committee many times to no avail. I reported it to OSHA and they found the contamination and nailed the hospital for it. After this my supervisor told me he wished he had killed me. Obviously, it was hopeless. I was so sick and developed Multiple Chemical Sensitivity and had to give up my profession. I am disabled, all my so called friends abandoned me. My doctor told me my supervisor was fired. My advice? Get out while you still have the ability to work. In America I was able to file a lawsuit under the Americans with Disabilities Act. By not accommodating my disability, I got overexposed and lost my freedom to work in my profession. Can you do that? All the suit did was force the hospital to clean up the contamination. I got nothing but a pittance. There will never be a supervisor that will change their ways, especially after being called on the carpet. Their egos won't allow it. Sorry to sound doom and gloom but I don't want you to end up unable to work. It's making you sick. That's really a serious condition. Being disabled sucks.

 

[Born to Run]

I have been in a similar situation with a bullying line manager. I know how it can change you into a nervous wreck. I would explore the options of reporting to another line manager, as you can not cope with this one, or start looking for another job. Those people who bully are per definition sickos with ego problems, and will never change. It is not your fault, and you are not a failure. I could not switch line manager, messed up as I could not cope, and was fired. That is not what you want. It seems your workplace does not cooperate with supporting you either. It does not sound like a very nice place to work to me.