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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Well I'm feeling lots better then I did last, at 1, 2 -0' clock in the morning, but I think it's because I'm smoking an exaggerated amount of cigg's today, (this has kinda' numbed me out), and that I've gone absolutely nowhere and have done absolutely nothing today. I got a nap which felt awesome, but strange too that I might actually feel comfortable with my very own permission to just lay there, do nothing, rest, and feel relaxed and safe.

I've isolated all day long, as if the beautiful day outside doesn't even exist; I am accepting of this, but it would drive me crazy if I were to need to, or choose to do this too often.

Was like feeling suddenly stricken psychologically upside the head last night, angry and confused, but now feeling better then that, well because I'm basically not feeling much of anything.
 
My stomach hurts really bad, my head hurts, and I've been feeling nauseous all day. Last night a scene in a movie I watched with my fiance triggered me. I wouldn't have watched it If I had known that one small scene would be in it. Images keep popping up my head and I keep having to run and hide. I feel under attack, keyed up, and very irritable. I feel I need to be alone or I will rip someones head off. So I am isolating myself today. Everything is freaking me out. I have tried a lot of things to try and calm down or to distract myself including posting on here but I can't shake the images, the thoughts.
 
Like a misfit...unworthy...ugly misfit. I don't know who I am or where I belong. Sigh...another hurdle to work my way over....tired.
 
physically one big huge lump of screaming pain, mentally in and out but the need to let people know how important they are to me, I think that's always important for me and them, no matter what they may think. This pain and the screaming in my head is not getting the best of me for now. I'm getting a tattoo enhanced this week to hopefully divert the pain, if I can get out the door. Positive vs Negative. We'll see, that is if I can get there, for now it's looks like once my husband gets up I'll be back to bed for awhile.
 
So far so good. There's been no reports of any tornados touching down where my daughter is presently. One did so not terribly far from her though, but far enough away that I am not worrying myself sick. I was also worried about damaging winds and lightening, but all I can do at this moment is hold some faith that she is alright and safe. Last night's unexpected PRN helped though, it allowed me to get some sleep and release the steel weight and pressure that crossed over the entire top half of my back/shoulders and neck.

Now, I am missing her and hoping so much that not only is she safe, but that she felt reasonably safe and was not terrible frightened by any threats of tornado, and that she has had and is having some kind of a good time in all this crazy weather.

We Miss her, here!

Other then this I am feeling for the moment somewhat spaced and somewhat relaxed. Last night's physical agony has lifted and I can get back on track, perhaps while kicking aside all of yesterdays fears, shame, anxieties and sometimes then catastrophic thinking.
 
I feel I can survive ....... again. Lots of thoughts trying to crowd in to overwhelm me and I trying to deal with one at a time.

I feel OK, just being and getting through one day at a time.
 

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