I disagree! This isn’t “obsession” it is an “intrusive thought” meaning it is a thought in my head trying to come up! In my experience these types of intrusive thoughts are memories trying to emerge. I will give you an example. 1 year ago I kept saying “I know my Gm was involved! I know it!” This went on for 6-8 weeks again and again and again - I THINK that it was the memory trying to “surface” BUT before that could happen it (Aka my mind) had to introduce the idea into my head first! Sort of like “changing my reality very very slowly”...When I could finally cope with this painful memory - since I utterly adored my Gm! To me she was the only good member of my family!! I saw that she was involved! I had 6-8 weeks of pain to introduce the idea into my life so that when I finally Remeber it wasn’t as painful.My T tries to help me with uncertainty. There is a particular gap in my memory about a particular thing and I was certain that if only I could remember this particular thing, then I would be able to heal.
But I haven't been able to remember that particular thing. So T has been trying to work with me about what else will help and make me shift from this mindset.
That might help you too? There are so many drugs, you'll just be second guessing.
The drug I used to take, which was known as a date rape drug at the time, was called GHB. Or 'liquid E'. This was in the UK, so it might have been called different things in another country. It was sold over the counter in sex shops at the time as it was meant to make people hallucinate and enhance sex. You would pour it in your drink. I could always taste it and thought it tasted foul, so I found it hard to know how people didn't taste it when their drink was spiked. It totally made me loose all sense of reality. It was seen as a dangerous drug becuase it made people have loss of consciousness and people died from it. It was easy to overdose on it. It would make my heart race like mad and then I would be hallucinating as much as I did on acid. It was like a combination of acid and ecstasy, is how I described it. A club I went to, that was known for drug taking (mear fact the club opened at 4am and went on to 2pm explains that....), Always had signs up that you would be chucked out if you took that drug becuase of what it did.
That is just one example of many drugs that change reality, put people out, make people loose control of their body etc etc etc.
I really think your answer lies elsewhere to make peace with this. Living with the not knowing what drug it was.
^I think you need to exercise caution with your search for answers in terms of this one aspect of your trauma. There's no way you can now determine what caused you to be in the state you believe you were in unless someone knows and tells you. Nor, unless you saw them, who may have been present whilst you were unconscious.
Having a deep suspicion about something isn't proof or certainty.
I had a flash my gf is kneeling near the bottom bunk bed and covering the persons face with a rag which made me believe it was turpentine. I appreciate your concern thank you! Thank u all!!