What If Your Spouse Is PTSD Also?

[suzie q]

My spouse has noticed my extra long computer sessions of late and wondered what I was doing. I explained that I had found a new place to process new info on my PTSD. He asked why I didn't ask him for help. I explained what I had learned, on the forum so far, (which has been bunches). I knew from previous therapies that toxic relationships often happen when both are messed up. He was recently diagnosed after a lengthy test at the Psychiatrist's office. MMI or MMPI I think it was called. I asked what he knew about the diagnosis and he proceeded to give me a general reply. I knew he had less info that I did on the disorder. I encouraged him to look at this venue for education and information on how to handle the symptoms. His reply was that this forum was like taking war vets and throwing them into the same room...it just doesn't work. I shut my mouth and allowed him his opinion.

My question really is, how do we both get help without getting into each others symptoms? How do we not "bounce" off each other? We both have been through some therapy in our time and have grown together in that. Is it possible to help each other with all the feelings that go with this trauma or must we go our seperate ways?

 

[AthenaErdmann]

My spouse... He was recently diagnosed after a lengthy test at the Psychiatrist's office. MMI or MMPI I think it was called.

Could it have been some version of the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI)? And do you mean he was diagnosed with PSTD? (just trying to understand clearly, so that I don't jump to conclusions)

Athena

 

[AthenaErdmann]

I encouraged him to look at this venue for education and information on how to handle the symptoms. His reply was that this forum was like taking war vets and throwing them into the same room...it just doesn't work. I shut my mouth and allowed him his opinion.

My warning bells started to ring - not full blast but still - when I read this. I may well be overreacting and over-projecting, because I am in a situation that may resemble yours, and this sounds familiar.

I know you wrote that some time ago, and I am curious - did you two ever continue to talk about this forum? 'Cause I think the assumption that "taking war vets and throwing them into the same room...it just doesn't work" deserves to be questioned, with empathy and respect, but honestly questioned from several points of view. To be blunt: I think he was wrong.

I think there is a vast difference between semi-randomly gathering together a group of people (or worse, commanding them into a group) and people turning up voluntarily, because they seek a place like this. If someone had told us that we have to come here, I think this forum would be a very, very different place. But we all are here because we want to, and can take a break or leave anytime we like, and don't even have to show our real identities if we prefer to use pseudonyms (I hope nobody thought my real name is Athena? :smile: ). So I really cannot see how this "bunch" could be inherently, per se, doomed to being dysfunctional. There are always risks when wounded people form groups, but when it is all voluntary, and many of us are in therapy and/or on medication and not relying on this forum alone, IMO we have a tolerably low risk of developing a sick culture here.

The other point where he made a mistake is that this is not a forum for war vets only. PTSD can be caused by so many circumstances, and what I have seen in just a few weeks, we have people with the most varying traumas here. Which I see as a strength - understanding that my sleeping problems and obsessive thoughts are akin to someone else's, even though their trauma was e.g. accidentally shooting a civilian or almost loosing their life to Katrina and not being abused as a child, actually helps in getting perspective and taking some distance from my self-centeredness.

So, as I do not find his statement well argued or based on fact, I start to suspect that it was an excuse not to look into this forum. Which to me suggests unwillingness to look into himself (and this is where I may be over-projecting - my sincere apologies if I do). And that's where the warning bells came from.

How far off the mark am I?

Take care & all the best

Athena