Relationship What Is Going On With Him When He Pushes Me Away?

[KyGirl31]

Being new to PTSD, I wonder exactly what is going on inside him when he pushes me away? He seems so happy and fine at times and then boom he doesn't text for a few days. I suppose I wonder what causes him to do that? It makes me feel like I don't matter. I question if he even cares at all. He's an ex marine and has been in therapy and only sees her twice a year now. He seems so well put together, almost like you'd never guess he had a problem. I'm wondering when he seems happy with me and then he goes distant what causes that? He's told me he's opened up to me more than anyone in years and he told me about his therapist for the first time the other day and said he's never shared that with anyone. That made me feel pretty special. I suppose I wonder if he feels safe enough to share that with me, then why does he pull away from me? As a side note, we live 5 hours apart!

 

[celia]

We will never know what they are truly dealing with in their minds and every situation is different. What I do know is that your own mind will play tricks on you trying to figure it out and will also make you feel as though you are to blame , that you are not doing the right things, that your worth to him is non existent. It will hurt your self esteem if you let it. Just know its not you. It has taken me 2 years to realize if they are not healthy, neither will your relationship be. Also, know what you are getting yourself into, it will be years of struggle sometimes with no reward but emptiness and abandonment. No amount of love seems to compete with this illness. We all think we are " the one " to love him out of it to find comfort in... At the end of the day everyone needs a reciprocated relationship . If you are ok with not having that most of the time.. You may be able to stick it out. But if you paddle a canoe by yourself , you will just go in circles.. Round and round and wonder why you're not getting anywhere. It's better when two people are paddling. Peace and luck to you!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I assume this is a new relationship? (You said you're new to PTSD)

Are you accustomed to relationships where you have constant contact with someone? Relationships in general differ, so I can't help but wonder if you're attributing the distance to PTSD when the truth is that some guys just aren't 24/7 attached in a relationship.

 

[Abstract]

Personally, I think not texting for a few days intermittently is quite normal actually. Especially for guys. Not even taking PTSD into into account.

 

[KyGirl31]

I guess I worry. I feel like I don't know whether to think he's pushing me away or just busy. I know that sounds silly but I feel like I'm always having to analyze the situation. It is certainly very different than anything I've experienced with other guys. He doesn't want to say goodbye to me it seems but he keeps me at a distance too. Thanks for the advice ladies!

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

He doesn't want to say goodbye to me it seems but he keeps me at a distance too.

That's so familiar. And, I'm a big worrier, when it comes to those close to me. I'm one of those that always says, "text me when you get home so I know you made it ok". One of my little issues. That won't go away, in my experience. It's now been 4 weeks since this episode of distancing with my sufferer, 1 text in that time. It's hard to step away, but you have to for your own sanity. It was 3 weeks before I even got the one text. I called hospitals and checked obits in his area. I had to take a deep breath and step back.

I wish I understood better what they feel during this, but I don't. I just know it's not "us" and everyone tells me it's not a reflection of how much a sufferer cares. My sufferer once told me when he gets like this it takes everything he has to function. All of his energy goes into eating, sleeping, and getting through work. That he gets overwhelmed and blocks everything else out. That includes me.

Not very comforting, but that is what he told me after his 1st episode. This is the second. Normally, it's just short periods where I can feel distance and it seems like he is going through the motions. It's like less calls or texts or they just seem without his usual humor or full interest. It's kind o hard to explain, I guess. It's like I can feel him heading down, but usually he manages to pull himself back before he gets caught in it.

I don't know if that helps any, but it's all I got. If we stay together I plan to ask him again, to explain it to me more. Without being afraid.

 

[dragonfly1108]

I unfortunately know how much this hurts.

I love a man with my whole heart, and he suffers from PTSD. He will go weeks of just loving me and us loving eachother and being almost inseperable, and then it seems like we are getting closer than ever before and boom! He's gone again. Sometimes it only lasts a day, sometimes it can last a whole week. Its almost like the closeness sets off his brain and tells him to retreat.

It causes me great anxiety, and its often hard to not blame yourself. Just know that it isnt you, that he is dealing with something greater and that he loves you and he will always come back to you. Trust him, give him his space, and keep on supporting him the best you can. I know its hard, but in the end, I believe if you really love him it will be worth it :)

Stay positive girl!