Relationship Pushes Me Away, Experiences

[idkhelen]

Hi! Just wanted to know what are your experiences when your SO with PTSD gets in that "I don't want you" kind of state.
I've been seeing a former marine who has told me about his PTSD for a month now. He's fairly moved fast when it comes emotionally, he's told me that he loves me. And as painfully cheesy as it sounds, I'm starting to love him if I don't already do.
He's told me a few times that hes planning to go back in the military, and that he wants to die, that he's planning to die when he goes back. After that, he tells me that there's no point in loving him and that I'm wasting my time with him since he's expecting to die in 14 years. I told him I didn't care, even if all that were true, I still wanted to be with him, and that I didn't wanna miss out on something amazing just because I was scared.
He stops, looks at me, and tells me, "I don't wanna be with you, I don't wanna spend my life with you, and I don't love you " he's told me when he is himself, that he wants all of that and more, he's talked about marrying me and everything. After all this talk, before he drove home, he tells me, "Hey, I love you ok?"
Guess what I'm asking is, how do you guys feel, how do you cope, when they tell you hurtful things to push you away? And they know it hurts you. Earlier today I couldn't help but find it amusing, I asked if he slept ok. He tells me that he did after I left, implying that cause I was there he didn't sleep well. Thought it was kinda funny.

 

[Newtoptsd]

Hey there,

Has he been diagnosed with PTSD and is he seeking therapy?

I have had a few experiences with these mixed signals from my sufferer but not maybe to the extent you have as I haven't said I love you and he has to me but not in a serious serious way ... probably because I'm quite guarded in that sense.

What he has done however is professed his desire for marriage and kids and how he can't wait for it and then next he's turning around saying he will never have a relationship I should find someone else who's not mentally ill, he's not sure he's capable of love etc. I tend to not ignore him when he says the negative things but I don't pander to it too much. I usually say that I'm not going anywhere, I don't want anyone else when he does the whole 'you should be with someone who's not mentally ill'. When he does the I never want to be in a relationship I usually say 'not right now love, but you will and you can so don't limit yourself' it doesn't go down too well because he's symptomatic so I have to tend to keep quiet and.not really say anything so it doesn't escalate.

What you're describing above is very common, it's the push and pull that comes with PTSD. When he does say things which are hurtful just remove yourself from the situation and give them time to calm down. However do not excuse bad behaviour and verbal abuse, there is no excuse for being cruel and so you can set some boundaries.

What worries me the most about your post is that he says he wants to die, this is VERY VERY worrying! I am concerned that he's not seeking any help therapy or medication and this can lead to suicide!!! He really really needs help.

Sending hugs!

 

[Sweetpea76]

It's important to note the difference between making peace with death, suicidal ideation, and actually being suicidal.

A lot of sufferers talk about wishing they were dead, wanting to die, or not expecting to live for 5 more years, etc. That's not the same as being actively suicidal where there is an actual plan in place to carry it out.

A lot of combat vets have made peace with death in a way that freaks out everybody else. My vet says he fully expected to die, and should have died several times, so he's almost "let down" he didn't die. He didn't expect to have a future past combat, now he has to learn to look foreward to things again.

Unfortunately, as a supporter, you're going to hear a whole lot of death talk and suicidal ideation. Sometimes you may even have actual suicide threats. It sucks. I'd rather be called every name in the book than deal with that.