Relationship What Is The Nicest Thing Said To You/About You By Your Sufferer?

[cynelena]

Last night, as we lay cuddled in bed and he was stroking my hair, he stopped and kissed me on the top of my head and said...all the things that he usually says when he is well and hasn't been able to say for what seems like an eternity now because he's been really suffering. :kiss:
"You make me want to be a better person" (He's been sober for 1 1/2 weeks and has started going to both individual therapy & group meetings for his alcohol dependency)
"I love you more than you know" (I know how much...his actions and efforts tell me everything)
"You are amazing" (For the 1st time in my life, I actually buy that one and he has a lot to do with that)

Those are the words and moments I hold on to for when he is not well and unable to communicate to me how he feels. CCurry said it best! The PROS outweigh the CONS of his PTSD:Hug_emoticon:

 

[Nicolette]

The PROS outweigh the CONS of his PTSD:Hug_emoticon:

As long as the balance stays that way you have a great chance of having a good relationship.

While I did start this thread, I guess I must emphasise that it is also important that what is said to you is backed up with reality. Anyway can feed someone a line. :rolleyes:

Self analysis....why am I saying this?.....as I see Carers come and go who hang on the nice words and but don't acknowledge the words are hollow as everything else they say shows that their Sufferer is not investing in the relationship.

 

[Pam]

I have a different take on hollow words. I have used the practice of "fake it till you make it" strategy when I need to change something about myself. Practicing doing or saying nice things can lead to being a nicer person (mostly a little bit, sometimes more). Or clean up salty language habits from my previous job. Or works to improve a damaged working relationship with a co-worker (gee that's a lot of "work" words).

I firmly believe that good works (there it is again) precede self-esteem and is its cause and sustaining energy. Maybe our loved one is making an attempt to try out these waters, since it is certainly hard for them to "feel" that way.

My experience and training also leads me to believe that practice saying it makes it possible to then feel warm and fuzzy stuff. As a special educator, it is my charge to develop learning goals to help a child become a nicer, more peaceful person. One of the ways we do that is to practice the language of saying "nice" things. We model it, spontaneously do it, demonstrate it on another nearby child, play games using "saying nice things" language, and when the time is right, help the child try it out. I have no problems with this every now and then attempt, even if at first, or second, or third, it is hollow. The key is to determine whether or not it is gaining (slowly or quickly) in improved internal feelings. If it is beginning to fill the inside of the egg, then by all means, say it even when it still seems hollow and disconnected from reality.

It isn't a cure, believe me (a point brought home to me recently). But it can be better than it was using this strategy.

 

[sunnylove]

He has said a lot of touching things to me regarding what my continued friendship means to him, despite his PTSD.

This in particular was after a rough few days.
"You have a world of good inside you. Something special; everyone is unique in their own way, but you are special. I'm not sure how, where, when, or why, but you have the spirit if illumination around you but it needs tended carefully, this gift. Please don't let it die, because even if you don't see it, I do."

The most meaningful was when he dedicated the song "Forever" by Red to me.

 

[CCurry]

While I did start this thread, I guess I must emphasise that it is also important that what is said to you is backed up with reality. Anyway can feed someone a line. :rolleyes:

Self analysis....why am I saying this?.....as I see Carers come and go who hang on the nice words and but don't acknowledge the words are hollow as everything else they say shows that their Sufferer is not investing in the relationship.

I agree with all of this, words are just words unless the sufferer can back it up. According to by bf's therapist my expectations at the moment have to be at an all time low while he's working on getting stable. I do know that he spent yesterday's session talking about the damage this ptsd is doing to our relationship and how important it is to him to keep it to a minimum. While I'm very happy to see that he is that this relationship is that important to him, I suppose I would have preferred that he'd spent the time working on his trauma. In these times of uncertainty the nicest thing he did yesterday was to show me what I mean to him.

 

[MontanaJem]

Kaddy has always been a gentleman with me and only angry with me when I did something stupid a couple of times. He uses lots of terms of endearment and gives me compliments. He's told me "Thanks for being you." But what has meant the most to me, considering he has PTSD, is telling me that he trusts me. To me, that trumps all else. :-)

 

[malibran]

My BF has told me that he will do whatever it takes to look at the issues that frighten him so deeply in terms of commitment. We just started couples therapy which really blew me away that he easily agreed to do it. I did not pressure him into it. Well I don't pressure him into anything actually because that never works, even with someone who does not have PTSD, right?
The lovliest thing he has said is that I make the work he is doing for himself have a deeper meaning and that he has never felt any relationship to be so valuable to him as ours is. He said I am helping him heal.
I believe LOVE is never lost on anyone even if things do not run smoothly or work out as the parties expect. Love is never wasted.

 

[Shoka]

Yesterday my sufferer told me "I'll miss you today" before he got out of bed to go to work. He really went out of his way the whole day to tell me he loved me and to make me feel really special.

 

[angelsinmyheart]

After reading this thread I thought long and hard about what my boyfriend has said to me. I think the nicest thing he has said is "I feel safe when I'm with you. I can sleep through the night and not worry about anything happening." I've seen that his words are true, too, because the time we spend apart (about a month between visits) he is much more on edge and has nightmares more often. It's nice to know that I have been able to help him make progress, I just hope he can feel safe without me around all the time too.

 

[amethist]

Today my wonderful husband bought me a small packet of chocolates.

It was his way of saying thank you for explaining to him in a way he could understand why I was feeling so bad on Sunday. It was nothing he had done at all, it was just me having a hormonal day. A combination of PMT, Menopause issues and Depression, and nothing he had done to upset me.

When this kicks in, the whole world and his wife are my enemy.

So instead of staying home and causing him to feel worse than he already did, I went shopping for a few hours. It gave him time to process and understand all I had told him.

Bless him he is learning it is not always about him.

Amethist

 

[Grama-Herc]

The nicest thing I can think of is when someone said that I did matter

 

[AmberL]

I understand it's hard for people with PTSD to relax. That's why it's important when he says "You make me feel good."

"My skin needs your touch." and "THAT'S MY GIRL!!" Followed by encouraging me to flex my biceps and pecs infront of all his buddies. (I do a lot of heavy lifting at work).

He's not very good at sweet talk, so that's epic. As someone mentioned, those are the rewarding times.