What Is Your Value?

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm concerned you're not feeling supported on the forums, and I hope this changes for you

I've never felt supported. I am very well aware of what people think about me and how much I'm hated. I think at last count I have over 30 people on my block list b/c they can't stand me. I come here because at least people understand the shit I'm dealing with unlike the people in my life. I come here because people give it to me straight and that is what I need to move forward.

 

[J_trustno1]

Omg! this person isn't really a good friend to be honest. Glad that you are getting out of this friendship. I've had people like this who claimed to be my friend but would put me down further when I was down until I started realising that they weren't real friends. These people will always harm you emotionally other than help you and it's best to drop them. I hope you feel better soon and you are a valuable person and you do contribute to this forum and I'm sure you do same in your personal life. :hug:s and please don't ever think twice on the crap he was throwing at you.

 

[shimmerz]

I've never felt supported.

Felt is a word to challenge. How do you incorporate challenging feelings?

I am very well aware of what people think about me and how much I'm hated.

How do you know this? They may not like what you say at times, but that doesn't mean you are hated. Nor does it mean whatever you are feeling about this is actually about you at all.

I think at last count I have over 30 people on my block list b/c they can't stand me.

Again, how do you know this?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Because they've told me. How else would I know? Lol.

 

[shimmerz]

Because they've told me. How else would I know? Lol.

So all 30 people told you this?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Well, at least 10 of them were in chat one day and yes, ALL of them made it VERY clear how much they hated me. So that's a third of the list. Others were here and there. Do I need to go find the posts?

 

[shimmerz]

Do I need to go find the posts?

No. I am just concerned that you are not working with facts. I thank you for answering though. That has to feel lonely. And confusing. You have some really good ways about you. I know that is not what you are focusing on right now but you do. I can't help but wonder if there is a voice in you that feels like you actually ARE supposed to be hated and wish that you would challenge it. I feel like you might not be seeing that you are reacting to someone THEN and it is badly (at times) affecting your NOW. That matters to me. You may not understand that, but it does.

 

[Ronin]

@itsKismet - I'll put the question differently:

If so many people, very different from each other, hate you - doesn't it mean you've got some rather remarkable skills that are worth hating?

What are these strengths you're just not seeing as strengths now, and how can you put them to better use?

(For the record, I don't believe that people here hate you, et cetera. But I see you see it that way and can't be dissuaded of it, so looking for different lens to look at this.)

 

[Eleanor]

A small aside,

‘The heart of love, however, is neither affective nor cognitive. It is volitional. That a person cares about or that he loves something has less to do with how things make him feel, or with his opinions about them, than with the more or less stable motivational structures that shape his preferences and that guide and limit his conduct.’ Frankfurt, 1999, 129.

 

[scout86]

@Eleanor?

That a person cares about or that he loves something has less to do with how things make him feel, or with his opinions about them,

That sounds cool, but is it for real, do you think? I guess the second thing I thought when I read it was "But wait, don't people love stuff because it makes them feel good?" Most people anyway? In the world as it actually exists?