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What Made You Angry Today?

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I'm angry that my physical health knocked me on my butt yesterday so I spent the majority of my day asleep. A half a day and evening wasted. No one needs to sleep 18.5 hours straight. Unless you're sick and recovering. Yes I realize it was my illness. It doesn't count. Don't ask me why, just doesn't. Just frustrates me.
 
I'm angry over at how the family dynamics in my family caused me to have so much fear of my sister. I'm realizing all those instances where I would be in her company, only, to be in fear of her.

Alot of it was because of my mother and my sister being her favorite, but I kept going back to visit and being a part of that very unhealthy triangle.

It's time for me to let go of all those situations where I gave up me to think that I could have a relationship with her.

I haven't yet heard from the cousin that I recently wrote a letter to see if she attended my mother's funeral that my sister didn't inform me about. It was at least a start to deal with all that frozen fear that has been there since my sister was born.
 
Cockroaches - a way of life in Australia. So either I spray the house with so much toxic chemicals and who knows the long term effects or we get infested with cockroaches.

Apparantly bombing the house with pesticide is no good, the bastards are in the control panel of the dishwasher, and they stay there and breed and live off the food in the dishwasher, so no amount of spraying will kill them once they are in there and then they wreak havoc with the electrics and controls and guess what? - The dishwasher stops working, so there are now dirty plates all over the surface, more friggin cockroaches.

And I had a $162 ($92 call out fee plus 20 minutes labour) bill just to diagnose the problem, plus a whole load of sensors need to be replaced at God knows what cost and in a few months the control panel will also probably be gone. So a 4 year old dishwasher costing $1000 (because you thought it was a good model and would last a long time so it is best to pay more for quality) is now toast.

Lesson, spray every single surface before you buy the dishwasher, and continue every day because if just one bastard cockroach survives and gets in the control panel it will breed to thousands and wreck the dishwasher. So spray as much toxins in the house in the eating area and food preparation area. What is the point of me buying organic food? We just have to have the pesticide in the house anyway and are breathing it all the time. I guess there is still less pestitude going into our rivers then and the chance of mutant pesticide resistant cockroaches evolving.

Or do I just say no dishwasher and just live with cockroaches? Obviously not. But can I afford the repairs or a new dishwasher no not really! 3 kids, who eat continuously, I am cooking continuously and, without a dishwasher washing up continuously plus the huge amount of water it takes to wash by hand and the fact I am already exhausted and cannot keep up.

Why don't they build dishwashers with automatic electrocution devices for cockroaches inside them! Or maybe they should use GM dishwashers with pesticide in their genes, so as soon as the cockroach gets in it dies?

Perhaps that is the problem I do buy organic food so there is no pesticide in it and the cockroaches they just love my house because obviously the food is not going to kill them and I have not sprayed enough and I am obviously not very hygenic as the dishwasher repair man pointed out the hard dried food residue on the side of the dishwasher door is such a great food source for those thousands of cockroaches living in my dishwasher control panel.

Ugh. failure on every aspect. Forced to put my daughter on anti anxiety meds, no job, crap housekeeper, crap mother, crap everything.
 
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