Relationship When Does A Place Feel Unsafe? Advice From Sufferers Very Welcome

[Deleted member 1860]

So is there a way you can foretell if a place will feel safe?

Yes, and No.

If its a certain type of place that typically makes me feel unsafe, then I can extrapolate that to other similar places that make me feel unsafe. Sports events and concerts are out for the most part because I'm surrounded by people and can't take a breather. I do go to baseball games, and have for years. However, it wasn't until last summer that I actually remembered the game! Whoa, shocker! Don't get me wrong, I always actively watch the game, but my memory isn't actively recording as I'm too busy being preoccupied with my immediate surroundings. Even my dad said that I am in a "zone" when we go to the stadium. Funny, because I try so hard to hide it.....I never realized that other people could tell!

Crowds in general. I like to do my shopping at non-peak times. Fortunately I live in a more rural area, so this isn't hard. I do almost ALL of my Christmas shopping online.

Loud places. This could be where there are kids (shrieks send me over the edge), lots of noise, etc.

New places feel unsafe initially, but I am able to settle in once I assess my surroundings (for the most part).

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I don't like people behind me. Pretty much ever. If I have to stand in line? I turn sideways.

He does not like people behind him. I should turn him sideways *lol*, maybe he has not discovered that this might help *lol*.
No, really, would that make sense? Should I just try to make him turn a bit. Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it but who knows if it helps.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

@Lemontree, it may help to play detective. My vet tells me some of the things that make him uncomfortable, but a lot of them I have picked up on my own. Observe and take note of any patterns. It doesn't mean that you have to be weird and stare at him all the time :ninja:... just pay attention.

My vet is as inexpressive as they get. I do feel like this:ninja:, staring at him all of the time, just trying to make sense of him.
Just yesterday I learned again that I do a poor job trying to read his mind. He talked about something that happened in the past and how he felt about the event.
:wideeyed:

I never knew that the event was of any importance to him, he never talked about it before and he never showed any feelings and suddenly he tells me that this event was megaimportant to him. Eh?

Eh?

Eh?:wideeyed:

I just cannot stop thinking "Eh?":wideeyed:
:wacky:


While he does have some behaviour, like playing with his cellphone or his hair standing on edge that tell me he is not feeling well I just see 10% of his feelings.
What is your vet's sigh like?

 

[Sweetpea76]

It's not an exasperated sigh, like when a teenager gets fed up. It sounds more like a "sheeew" noise, like in the old stereotype of somebody wiping their forehead with the back of their hand when they are exhausted. He didn't even realize he did it until I pointed it out to him.

 

[ms spock]

I'm not sure I ever feel entirely safe, even in my own home. .

I have this problem. It is a big problem for me, not feeling safe in my own home.

 

[shimmerz]

He does not like people behind him. I should turn him sideways *lol*,

Yes, it does. Whenever I sit somewhere, I notice that I 'turn' automatically based on the layout of the place. Usually so I can see all doors. Doesn't matter how uncomfortable it might be. I generally stand with my back to a wall (corner if I can) so nobody can come up behind or beside me. It is actually a good idea @Lemontree.

I sigh a ton too. I didn't realize it, people pointed it out to me. I believe that (for me), it is my breathing correcting itself. When i have been doing shallow breathing the sigh is a deep breath in to compensate.

 

[moonbeam]

I think its very individual but:

For me its a combination of my baseline emotion: angry? Anxious? Neutral? Contended?

And the location. Is it busy? Can I assess the ongoing threat level of those around me? Am I surrounded on all sides? Can I move freely? Is my back to a wall? Where is the exit(s) and do I have to go through a lot of people to get to one?

The less busy the location than it will likely feel safer to some extent because less potential threats to be watch. But it can't be too empty or else I might feel more on display as less people makes me more noticeable.

And I can't be surrounded on all sides. On buses, transport of any kind, in lines at places, even on airplanes I take the window seat and turn. I hate having people all around me but especially behind me.

Whether or not I know it will be bad beforehand? Well if its somewhere full of people, or that I won't be able to leave whenever I want. I don't go to concerts, gigs, sport events, churches, movie theatres.

I went to Disney World a few days ago. That was so overwhelming. I would have bolted for it if I didn't have 2 people I trust on either side of me and it was still really shitty. I am still amazed I survived it.

 

[ms spock]

I don't feel safe in myself. I am challenged in that way. It takes very little for thought cascades to occur around that for my to go into hypervigilance.

 

[EchoQP7]

It is very annoying. I hate the fact that men are brought up not to discuss things. It makes everythin...

It's not a trait just on men. I have a very difficult time putting words to how I feel. It is one of the things I was taught. And it's hard to break the habit, especially when your safety relied on you showing no weakness.