When You Love Someone Who Has PTSD

[Icare]

Hello, I am new here so please forgive my social awkwardness. :)

Someone I love and have loved for close to a decade was brutally assaulted about a month ago, and she is having all the visible signs of PTSD. As often happens in such cases, she has put up a wall and has almost shut me out of her feelings and emotions (totally understandable of course but painful just the same).

Complicating the situation, the very same exact thing happened to me many years earlier. I had discussed it with her previously so she is aware. I would like to be able to be of more support and encouragement to help her - to help us - get through this trauma, but it is a real minefield. She is my soul mate and my confidante and we have always trusted each other with everything.

I would love to talk to anyone in this or any similar situation, or anyone who has practical, realistic advice.
Thanks and cheers.
[name withheld]

 

[amethist]

Hi Icare

Welcome to the forum.

As this only happened a month ago, it is too soon to suggest and confirm PTSD. Try and get her to see a specialist as soon a possible, who will be able to help her now, before her issues get any worse. She could well be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress, which thankfully is curable, PTSD is not. She really does not want this diagnosis, early intervention could prevent this.

Read as much as you can on the "Home Page", where you will find a lot of useful information to read while you help her to find some therapy quickly. Stopping this developing is the best thing to do right now.

Take care and good luck.

Amethist

 

[Jawn]

I agree with Amethist, you should try to get her to get professional help ASAP.

Jawn

 

[AdamAnt]

Echo the above good advice Icare. I'd like to think that maybe she will be able to confide in you eventually because of the similar trauma you experienced, but for now read all you can, give her plenty of space and above all don't take her distance personally.

 

[Icare]

Everyone,

Thank you for your prompt and kind replies. I should have clarified that it is really PTS and not PTSD and that she is in fact seeing a therapist already. That being said, the sudden abrupt loss of closeness, taken together with knowing the pain she feels, is itself traumatizing.

 

[amethist]

Hi Icare

Your best way to go with this is to give her time and if she needs it, the space to heal. It will take time,but hopefully as she is seeing a therapist, it should not escalate into full blow PTSD.

The loss of closeness should come back in time, the all important element to healing is time itself. It may sound like one of those "Give it time" statements, but it is an important one.

Time, caring, understanding and therapy could be all she needs. We all hope it works out this way for both of you. Don't forget to take care of yourself too, an important factor in your healing.

Amethist

 

[Jawn]

As usual, Amethist says it better than I could. I will just give a short comment here. Give her time and space to work through this. Be there for her if she needs to reach out to you, but do not push her. She will work through this in her own time. And as Amethist said, take care of yourself too because it's easy to lose track of YOU when you are trying to help/be there for your loved one.

Jawn

 

[Icare]

All, thank you for your support and your encouragement. This will be a rough and rugged road for us, but one that I have already committed myself to. I am in this for the long haul.

Thank you.

 

[Jawn]

Icare,

You may want to read stuff in the Career section once you gain access to it. There is a lot of information in there for stories "similar" to yours and you will find many other careers on here who can relate in many ways.......I am one of those people.

Reading articles from the main page may help you too.

Hang in there.

Jawn

 

[Icare]

Thank you, Jawn. I have read a number of stories similar to ours in the short space that I have been on today, and I have been reading the articles on the main page. The best advice in this case (and sometimes the most painful) is the time and space bit. The commitment is the easiest, as I have committed to her years ago, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.

Peace,
I Care

 

[amethist]

Hi Icare

From reading your last post, am I right in understanding you were together for a long time before all this happened.

If I am correct, look for the tiny specs of who she was before all this hit. In time these specs will grow bigger and you will see more and more. It possibly may not all return, so build on what is left for your future, not was in the past. It will be a different future from what you imagined but you can still have one.

This is what I have had to do with my husband, it has been so worth it, still building and still strong together. It has taken over 3 years to get to where we are now, a million miles form where we were before PTSD, but still riding this crazy Roller Coaster together.

Both of us looking forward to a future we never thought we would have.

Amethist

 

[Icare]

Amethist,

You are spot on. We have been together about 9 years, through thick and thin, which makes this sudden void so hard to face. You could say I am mourning the loss of the 'way we used to be' part.

When she told me that she had just been raped, it opened up my long standing PTSD of my childhood rape; she then told me I was never to discuss it ever. Since this is now a forbidden subject for us, I have instead chosen to reminisce with her about happier times, with the occasional hint that I still love her and will always be there for her no matter what, then let it go at that point. Other times I simply comment that the most beautiful words next to 'I love you' are 'let me help' and then not press the matter. Again, this will take time, as you said.

In the meantime, thank you for your guidance and support, and your compassion. I look forward to reading the threads.
I Care.