My diagnosis of C-PTSD came a few months ago & it seemed like everything in life finally made sense. That was, until it began making less sense because of the cruelties I faced among "friends". My mom controlled me for a little over 18 years & while I don't remember her physically abusing me, she played psychological warfare with my mind, because she herself, was abused by her caregivers & could not escape her C-PTSD. And then there were the men in her life. She had a good few who managed to come & go, unable to tolerate her fits of rage & domestic violence for long, otherwise, she'd probably have killed them, but there were also a few pervs among them.
I was molested by family members from about 2 years old through 9, sexually assaulted 3 times when I was 14, and for the following year was coerced or threatened into sex with men who were in their mid 20's and older who would get my mom high and or get me high, then force their way into my room.
One of my brothers physically abused me beginning when I was 5-14, until I finally hit him back. Even worse though, was how nice he could be then utterly cruel. He said so many vile things he learned from the adults in our lives to me that created so much self-doubt, it's amazing I have been so accomplished. As he grew older, he became a good brother but a few years ago, walked out of my life when I went to visit him in an unfamiliar city which prompted a flashback and hypervigilant behaviors that concerned him. I miss him terribly.
I was doing well and now I am not. I'm 42 and have a Doctorate, own a business, have been married over 20 years and have 3 kids (2 of them grown & gone, thank goodness). Life after escaping my mom has seemed like a piece of cake compared to my early years because of the diverse adult experiences I had while being a child. I don't know why this is happening now. Things spiraled over months until last week, I checked myself into a residential mental health facility for what was supposed to be 30 days. Unfortunately, there were too many inconsistencies in the care they described and what they delivered and I left last night after 5 days. My husband broke me free & I am home but don't know what the morning will hold. I need help but my experience with that facility was detrimental to my mental & physical health. My hope is they will write off the bill so I can put those funds into another facility, if I can find one.
My hubby is so great! He has fire service related PTSD that he just received treatment for & is very supportive. I feel like such a burden to him, I don't want him to see me like this. He deserves easy & I am far from that right now. I keep trying to push him away, even though I just want to stay pressed against his chest, safe in his arms.
I was molested by family members from about 2 years old through 9, sexually assaulted 3 times when I was 14, and for the following year was coerced or threatened into sex with men who were in their mid 20's and older who would get my mom high and or get me high, then force their way into my room.
One of my brothers physically abused me beginning when I was 5-14, until I finally hit him back. Even worse though, was how nice he could be then utterly cruel. He said so many vile things he learned from the adults in our lives to me that created so much self-doubt, it's amazing I have been so accomplished. As he grew older, he became a good brother but a few years ago, walked out of my life when I went to visit him in an unfamiliar city which prompted a flashback and hypervigilant behaviors that concerned him. I miss him terribly.
I was doing well and now I am not. I'm 42 and have a Doctorate, own a business, have been married over 20 years and have 3 kids (2 of them grown & gone, thank goodness). Life after escaping my mom has seemed like a piece of cake compared to my early years because of the diverse adult experiences I had while being a child. I don't know why this is happening now. Things spiraled over months until last week, I checked myself into a residential mental health facility for what was supposed to be 30 days. Unfortunately, there were too many inconsistencies in the care they described and what they delivered and I left last night after 5 days. My husband broke me free & I am home but don't know what the morning will hold. I need help but my experience with that facility was detrimental to my mental & physical health. My hope is they will write off the bill so I can put those funds into another facility, if I can find one.
My hubby is so great! He has fire service related PTSD that he just received treatment for & is very supportive. I feel like such a burden to him, I don't want him to see me like this. He deserves easy & I am far from that right now. I keep trying to push him away, even though I just want to stay pressed against his chest, safe in his arms.
