• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Sufferer Where are my people? Recently diagnosed & losing more of myself each day

Suzie_Q

New Here
My diagnosis of C-PTSD came a few months ago & it seemed like everything in life finally made sense. That was, until it began making less sense because of the cruelties I faced among "friends". My mom controlled me for a little over 18 years & while I don't remember her physically abusing me, she played psychological warfare with my mind, because she herself, was abused by her caregivers & could not escape her C-PTSD. And then there were the men in her life. She had a good few who managed to come & go, unable to tolerate her fits of rage & domestic violence for long, otherwise, she'd probably have killed them, but there were also a few pervs among them.

I was molested by family members from about 2 years old through 9, sexually assaulted 3 times when I was 14, and for the following year was coerced or threatened into sex with men who were in their mid 20's and older who would get my mom high and or get me high, then force their way into my room.

One of my brothers physically abused me beginning when I was 5-14, until I finally hit him back. Even worse though, was how nice he could be then utterly cruel. He said so many vile things he learned from the adults in our lives to me that created so much self-doubt, it's amazing I have been so accomplished. As he grew older, he became a good brother but a few years ago, walked out of my life when I went to visit him in an unfamiliar city which prompted a flashback and hypervigilant behaviors that concerned him. I miss him terribly.

I was doing well and now I am not. I'm 42 and have a Doctorate, own a business, have been married over 20 years and have 3 kids (2 of them grown & gone, thank goodness). Life after escaping my mom has seemed like a piece of cake compared to my early years because of the diverse adult experiences I had while being a child. I don't know why this is happening now. Things spiraled over months until last week, I checked myself into a residential mental health facility for what was supposed to be 30 days. Unfortunately, there were too many inconsistencies in the care they described and what they delivered and I left last night after 5 days. My husband broke me free & I am home but don't know what the morning will hold. I need help but my experience with that facility was detrimental to my mental & physical health. My hope is they will write off the bill so I can put those funds into another facility, if I can find one.

My hubby is so great! He has fire service related PTSD that he just received treatment for & is very supportive. I feel like such a burden to him, I don't want him to see me like this. He deserves easy & I am far from that right now. I keep trying to push him away, even though I just want to stay pressed against his chest, safe in his arms.
 
My diagnosis of C-PTSD came a few months ago & it seemed like everything in life finally made sense. That was, until it began making less sense because of the cruelties I faced among "friends". My mom controlled me for a little over 18 years & while I don't remember her physically abusing me, she played psychological warfare with my mind, because she herself, was abused by her caregivers & could not escape her C-PTSD. And then there were the men in her life. She had a good few who managed to come & go, unable to tolerate her fits of rage & domestic violence for long, otherwise, she'd probably have killed them, but there were also a few pervs among them.

I was molested by family members from about 2 years old through 9, sexually assaulted 3 times when I was 14, and for the following year was coerced or threatened into sex with men who were in their mid 20's and older who would get my mom high and or get me high, then force their way into my room.

One of my brothers physically abused me beginning when I was 5-14, until I finally hit him back. Even worse though, was how nice he could be then utterly cruel. He said so many vile things he learned from the adults in our lives to me that created so much self-doubt, it's amazing I have been so accomplished. As he grew older, he became a good brother but a few years ago, walked out of my life when I went to visit him in an unfamiliar city which prompted a flashback and hypervigilant behaviors that concerned him. I miss him terribly.

I was doing well and now I am not. I'm 42 and have a Doctorate, own a business, have been married over 20 years and have 3 kids (2 of them grown & gone, thank goodness). Life after escaping my mom has seemed like a piece of cake compared to my early years because of the diverse adult experiences I had while being a child. I don't know why this is happening now. Things spiraled over months until last week, I checked myself into a residential mental health facility for what was supposed to be 30 days. Unfortunately, there were too many inconsistencies in the care they described and what they delivered and I left last night after 5 days. My husband broke me free & I am home but don't know what the morning will hold. I need help but my experience with that facility was detrimental to my mental & physical health. My hope is they will write off the bill so I can put those funds into another facility, if I can find one.

My hubby is so great! He has fire service related PTSD that he just received treatment for & is very supportive. I feel like such a burden to him, I don't want him to see me like this. He deserves easy & I am far from that right now. I keep trying to push him away, even though I just want to stay pressed against his chest, safe in his arms.
Dear friend,

I'm so sorry to hear about the challenges you've faced throughout your life. It takes tremendous strength to not only survive but also to share your experiences. Please know that you are not alone in this journey. There are many others on this forum who can relate to what you're going through and provide support and understanding.

Being diagnosed with C-PTSD can be overwhelming, especially when it brings up memories and emotions that we may have suppressed for a long time. I can imagine how confusing and painful it must be to have those memories resurface. It's important to remember that healing is not a linear process, and sometimes we experience setbacks. However, by reaching out for help and connecting with others who have similar experiences, you're taking a huge step towards healing.

I'm glad to hear that you have a supportive husband who understands what it's like to struggle with PTSD. It's common to feel like a burden to our loved ones, but remember that a strong emotional connection is built on mutual support and care. Allow him to be there for you and lean on him when you need to. You both can create a safe space where you can share your pain and find comfort together.

While peer support is invaluable, I also encourage you to seek professional help from a trauma therapist who specializes in C-PTSD. They can provide the guidance and tools necessary to navigate through the challenges you're facing. Remember, therapy is a collaborative process, and finding the right therapist can make all the difference.

If you're looking for additional support, I recommend exploring the different forums available on myptsd.com. They have specific sections dedicated to various topics related to PTSD and C-PTSD, such as coping strategies, relationships, healing, and personal stories. Connecting with others who understand and sharing your own experiences can be incredibly validating and empowering.

Please remember to take care of yourself during this difficult time. Self-care activities like practicing mindfulness, engaging in hobbies, getting enough rest, and nourishing your body with healthy food can be helpful in managing symptoms and promoting overall well-being.

You are deserving of love, support, and healing. Your journey may be challenging, but with the right support and tools, you can navigate through it and find peace. You are not alone, and we're here for you every step of the way.

With warmth and compassion,
Riley Jones
 
Welcome and thank you for sharing. It takes guts and determination to heal and you don't seem to be lacking in either. It is awesome that you have taken that first step, shared, and reached out. I predict you will do well and we are here to help when we can.
 
I bet some days your husband feels like a burden. He is there because he wants to be and as a married couple there are times you have to be the support he needs to get through things. Just as you need him to get through things now. That's what marriage is all about. Being there for each other. Your selflessness I can tell your husband says the very same things about you and how wonderful you are.
 
Back
Top