General Why Aren't I Upset? Brother Tried Killing Himself

[Jen]

Hi just received some disturbing news about my baby brother 36 years old. He is an alcoholic, drugs since he was about 15 years old. I only found out a couple of months ago he was sexually abused as a child by older boy who lived across the road. This came as a big shock to my sisters and myself and we are there to support him he knows we love him he has a beautiful partner and 2 beautiful boys. We are a close loving family we dont want our parents to know as it would upset them to much.
Anyway my brother has been going to a clinic for the last 2 weeks to try and get over his alcohol problem they sent him home every night with valium tablets? He went on a downer the other night and took the bottle of about 30 tablets with alcohol got rushed to hospital he is out of hopital now tomorrow he is going to another clinic which hopefully might have more success.
When my sister told me that he took all these tablets apparently to either seek attention or to kill himself all I could feel was crankiness towards him I am not upset or cant shed a tear I am CRANKY why would you do this when you have family to support and family who love you I am starting to understand that he has a chemical imbalance probably from all the toxins in his body but surely he would want to help himself??
Now I have two men in my life to worry about in a way it is not a bad thing that my brother lives about 2000ks away but he will be in my thoughts. Sorry about the length of this but I needed to get it out.
Thanks Jen!

 

[Deleted member 3]

Oh Jen,

Don't be sorry for posting. It doesn't always have to be about PTSD. I am very close to my family as well and I would be devastated if anything happened to my brothers. I'd be angry at him too!! Sure in the light of day and if you could remove the emotion from the situation you can see that his story is potentially also one of PTSD. Perhaps alcohol is his band aid and it all just got too much.

As for him not wanting to help himself? You know the answers to that, you are living with another example of what PTSD can do. Maybe he does want to help himself but doesn't even know where to begin. I suggest that while alcohol is a problem for him, it is not his only or primary problem its the abuse that is the problem.

Its hard for you to see because you aren't emotionally removed from the situation Jen but I can see it clearly. First things first of course, the fact that he attempted to suicide needs to be addressed. Fixing the alcohol will help but it won't fix the problem, sleeping tablets will do nothing for him, its the sexual abuse that needs to be addressed.........the rest will fall into place. Where do they live? Perhaps you need to speak to his partner and shed some light on it for her. Neither of them have probably have heard of PTSD and probably wouldn't know the first thing about getting help. The best help you can give him so far away is point them in the right direction. If you need help locating someone, get back to us, there will be someone who can help him.

Sorry if I have been a bit blunt. I do feel for you Jen, you don't need this added worry. Please let me know how you go. Big hugs.

 

[harleychk4]

Hi Jen,

I understand how you feel. Attempted suicide is a kick in the teeth to folks who are working so hard to help someone cope with a bad situation. I was just there a few nights ago, and while I was pretty shook up, I was also angry. I wonder why he isn't happy now with things that would make many people just feel fortunate. You just can't tell what he's feeling.

I have to admit that I've been on both sides of the suicide thing, and unless you've felt that desperate, it's hard to imagine it. Sometimes it just gets so painful.

I don't really know how to help except just to say that there are folks here who understand how you feel. This place has already helped me a lot. I hope coming here helps you too.

Hugs,
Linda

 

[Jen]

Thanks for your replies Kerri Anne and Linda it means a lot.
Your right Kerri Anne when I was talking to him on the phone the other night I mentioned that hubby was starting a PTSD clinic he said whats PTSD? Apparently the abuse started when he was about 8 or 9 years old and went on for a year or so he admired this boy and I can remember when we were kids he was always over there.
Its weird how you dont notice things are happening but we were all kids at the time.
He lives down in Newcastle my sister who lives down there is a nurse he has her support they are going to see a Pysch today.
Thanks Jen

 

[Deleted member 3]

That's a good start Jen. If your sister is a nurse then she will definately know a little about PTSD and may even have the correct contacts to help your brother. Its good that he is going to see a psych but like Anthony keeps saying, it needs to be one with an understanding of PTSD otherwise they tend to give you the run around.

Anyhow, I hope it all goes well for him. Its a start.

 

[anthony]

Shit Jen... that is not good now. Why did he do it? Because it became too much for him. 95% of people with alcohol or drug addictions do so because something in their life is plagueing them, generally abuse or neglect of some kind, usually as a child. It is pretty much a known.

 

[Jen]

Hi Anthony we had a family reunion up in Innisfail a couple of months ago and he told my sisters and myself about this boy who lived across the road from us when we were kids molesting him. We were pretty shocked as we are a close family we dont want our parents to know.
Apparently it was over a couple of years that this was happening my brother fell of the rails at a young age starting to think now this was probably the reason he was such a bugger in his teens but we still love him. He went to the GP yesterday and they gave him some medication ( my sister said it was for bipolar)and he is booked in to a clinic thats starts Thursday.

Hubby starts clinic tomorrow been pretty quiet about the whole thing will see how it goes. I have arranged that I will drop him of for the first day as long as I can drag him out of bed.
Ta Jen

 

[Boo-Damphir]

Jen, I'd like to suggest a book for the sister who is helping your brother on a daily basis:
"PTSD / Borderlines in Therapy: Finding the Balance" by Jerome Kroll.
Here's a quick exerpt-
This book critically examines the relationship between childhood sexual abuse and adult borderline personality disorder, with a particular focus on symptoms of PTSD. Taking into account the many ambiguities in the current understanding of the complex relationship between childhood abuse experiences, formation of self-destructive personality styles, and subsequent psychotherpay for these problems, the author presents a working model that is useful...

This isn't a book for the patient, but rather for health care professionals.
Dr. Kroll is with the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Minnesota Medical School. The book should be available through your library (ISBN # 0-393-70157-3) It was published in 1993, I don't know if it's still in print to purchase but your sister may check Borders or ebay.

Best of luck in ALL these wicked areas of your life~
Boo

 

[Jen]

Thanks Boo for that information I will look in to it!
I take it back that I couldnt shed a tear went to golf this morning spoke to a couple of friends a just started bawling lucky some of the girls were up for a hug made me feel a bit better.
Jen