Will Normal Service Ever Be Resumed?

[Sandstone]

Almost every day, usually several times a day, the thoughts "I should be dead" and "You have no right to be alive" pass by. They have become the commonplace, everyday commentary to my life. Most of the time, I observe them and let them go. They are completely different from the very much rarer and more pressing urges to harm or kill myself.

Yet, those background thoughts are not normal, are they? They weren't around before PTSD. Should I actually be more shocked by them? Should I tell anyone they are there? On the two occasions I have mentioned them the therapist and doctor seemed more concerned about them than I am. Are there steps I could take to prevent those thoughts being habitual? Will they decrease if I ever get through the trauma processing? Is my usual lack of interest and concern actually the best way to handle them? Or is that minimising and unhealthy detachment?

 

[Snowflake]

Hi-sounds like me!! Several times a day I wonder why am I alive, I need to be dead blah blah blah. I have shared with my therapist many times and her response is this is where my mind goes to escape feeling feelings. It's easier and safer (for me)to think that I need to die instead of dealing with painful triggers, memories and feelings.

 

[Sandstone]

That makes sense. What does she say you should do? Ignore it, or look at the underlying feelings?

 

[Snowflake]

That makes sense. What does she say you should do? Ignore it, or look at the underlying feelings?[/QU...

Write about what I'm feeling-if triggers... ask the inner child what she's feeling-

Not easy-I still struggle

 

[illusionist]

Maybe you can slowly change it around.... putting " I think " before it sort of makes it less factual....making it a thought, rather than fact?

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Sandstone Pretty much part and parcel with PTSD. I don't think there has been a day in decades that I haven't wished, prayed for or felt I'd be better off dead. Even now, with most of my PTSD symptoms gone, dealt with whatever. I still have those thoughts. They aren't as fierce or as forceful as they once were, but they are still there.

I think it only becomes an issue, when you start acting on the thoughts. Making plans to end it and such....

 

[Tinyflame]

I relate to @She Cat . And the others would be better off part/ entitlement to living mentioned . But now I actually have moments where I think, too, 'I should be dead (technically / my past..).. but I'm NOT". {Hmm . What does this mean.. ?. :confused: ) :)

Hugs to you. :hug: