Work Is Frustrating

[DiamondBug]

I'm really concerned. I have therapy every Friday and have done for 6 months. I have a job which I enjoy, just for a bit of background I work at a prestigious jewellers and I had a few times around a year ago where I had multiple panic attacks (that bad I couldn't go to work). I had to do something called a back to work interview because I basically had 2 days off in a month due to my panic attacks. I didn't even know this interview was coming and it was with two colleagues (supervisor and assistant manager) that are to be honest quite nasty people. I had to openly talk about my mental illnesses to them, even though they were literally rolling their eyes, pulling faces and saying how they don't understand how I couldn't come to work. It was a horrible experience. Then occupational health got involved and wanted full medical records and had to do an interview with them. After this all happened I thought people at work would understand me, knowing that the two colleagues would of told people. Things got a little better with everyone at work and I can do my job fine now even through flashbacks. I've created a work persona almost, so I can snap back and act as if I've got confidence that I'd never have when I'm not in my suit. It's a bit strange but it helps so much. So today I got into work and saw I had been put in on a Friday, so as soon as my manager I mentioned it and she said "oh well because you asked for Valentine's Day off you have to make up for it", I said "but I have an appointment, I don't know whether I could reschedule it", she said "you can work after", then walked into the shop floor. I really can't work after, I'm a f*cking mess. I don't know what I'm going to do. It's making me panic so much. I can't go before because my appointment is too early. I'm going to have to see if I can reschedule my appointment but it's going to make me uneasy, because I'm going to have to make it on Tuesday which means I'm going to have a bigger gap than normal between therapy. Right now, I don't like the sound of that at all. I feel like I'm breaking. Today was tough. There's been so many times today I really struggled to keep everything professional. I don't know how to solve this because my work won't budge and I'm going to have to put myself through a hard time, because they don't respect therapy is important to my health.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I'm really concerned. I have therapy every Friday and have done for 6 months. I have a job which I e...

I am so sorry for your pain, that is horrible. I have supervisors and managers that have attempted to pull that shit with me too. They like to hack around on issues they suspect are there but if they dare cross the line then they will be in for employee discrimination big time. These suckers attempt to pull out all the stops but thankfully I had the help necessary to see how a health profile can be extremely damaging to an employee, because in my opinion it is just a way of some really nasty people to abuse mentally impaired people, and from what I have learned there are some really sick pigs out there that enjoy doing that to helpless people.

This is the place where I say thank you to someone that understood while I was still way too sick to understand.

 

[gealach]

What are your human rights laws? Your employer is aware that you have a diagnosed medical condition, and that you have an established pattern & plan of treatment for that condition. Suddenly charging your schedule, which interferes with your treatment plan, may be considered discrimination based on disability (I'm not sure how things work where you are). Occupational health was involved, what are they doing now?

In the event that you do have to work a Friday, do you have coping strategies?

 

[hakunamatata]

Hey Darling,

Sorry to hear you are having this trouble. And it's very brave of you to have spoke out about your PTSD at work. Kudo's to you!

They could be just jerks or it could be ignorance. I take the stance that most people, are just ignorant and it's up to them to educate them in a loving and considerate way. After all, if we the ones suffering with PTSD and we don't who else will.

I have had a diverse range of work experiences from being bullied for three years by a manager, to being self employed and to managing up to 20 people. What I learnt during my management experience is that most people at the top are just flying by the seat of their pants, they don't always know the best thing to do, they don't know everything and it's scary and very stressful!

I also learnt that the way we communicate makes a huge difference in how people perceive us. For example, because of a hectic schedule often I used to be late to management meetings. I would get stressed on the way to meetings, I would physically shrink my posture as I crept in the door, and apologise as soon as I sat down. I would get questioned by my boss and other colleagues would give me snarky looks.

I realised that this was hurting my career, however I couldn't change my schedule. In the end I decided not to let it bother me, I would just take my time and stroll right in and say thanks heaps for waiting for me guys! This totally changed the dynamic, I felt less stressed, and people didn't even seem to care or notice. Oddly, if anything they had more respect for me.

If we frame ourselves as having something to apologise for then people will see us in that way. You might consider a different approach:

"Hey...thanks for heaps letting me take Valentines off - I have therapy on Friday and (use the word AND not but) to be honest I'm usually a mess for a good couple of hours afterwards. You know I really love working here and want to do a good job for you. So I feel a better approach would be if we can arrange another shift which is not straight after my therapy. That way you'll get the most out of me and I will be best to serve customers (or whatever you do)".

If they say yes, say something like "Thank you so much that is wonderful!"

If they still say no, express your feelings simply and in real time, say something like "Oh. I feel really sad". Breathe into your belly and wait for their response. Sit with silence, even though it's uncomfortable, they key is to respond not react. It's amazing how people change when you express your feelings in real time and are not reactive.

If they still say no, ask them "What would you do if you were me?" or "What do you think I should do?". This will encourage them to examine things from your perspective and people love being asked their opinion.

Be prepared for the fact that you may have to still work, but you will at least have begun to change the dynamic between you and your colleagues.

Most people or managers at work are usually stressed themselves, and when you show them love and that you care about their wellbeing it's amazing how the dynamic can change. Because of power dynamics, too often stressed employees are worried about doing a good enough job or performing well enough for their boss, but they radically underestimate they way make their boss feel can improve or hinder their situation at work.

You could also try doing a loving kindness meditation before you go into work:

Remember a time when you felt loved. Feel in your body what it felt like to be loved. Now Imagine this love as pink ball of light expanding outward from your heart centre. Now imagine that ball expanding to:

- Someone that you love
- Someone that you don't really know
- Someone that you struggle with (this could be your boss or your colleagues)

Imagine that ball growing bigger and bigger, so that you are a shiny beacon of love, radiating love to all of those around you.

If practising these things doesn't change your work dynamic, maybe it's time to consider another job? Not all bosses and managers are jerks.

Hope it all goes well for you and you can sort something out xx