General Worried about his depression

[caligirl03]

A few days ago my bf told me he's been feeling really depressed lately. I let him know I'm here for him whatever he needs, whether it's to talk about it or just go for a bike ride or play video games or something to help get his mind off it.

But now he just called me again saying something is super off with him and that he feels super heavy. When I asked him whether physically or emotionally, he said both, and that he just wants to go to bed and not have to see anybody, even though that's not an option right now since he's super busy with school. I let him know again I'm here for him and would be happy to go with him to the doctor if he likes to see what his options are so he feels like he can at least function.

He does see a counselor once a week but isn't taking any medication other than something for sleep, which he doesn't like to take often because it doesn't always work and also makes him super spaced the next day. Either way, I'm worried and panic a little when I don't hear from him for a while. What are some ways I can help him without overwhelming him?

 

[Justmehere]

It's great he's got a therapist and a doc (at least to prescribe sleep meds). I'd suggest not trying to cure or control the depression, but rather ask if he wants to talk more about it or distract from it - just like you are doing. You could also offer to help with a basic task.

One of the best things someone did for me when I was struggling with depression was drop off a homemade meal. They didn't stick around, told me they had to go, they were busy, and yet took the time to do something that helped me feel really thought about and cared about, but yet didn't require a lot of contact I couldn't do right then. It was like dropping off chicken soup for someone with a cold. In his case, with all that is on his plate, something like that wouldn't be enabling him not doing things for himself, but perhaps showing support in a way that might provide a moment of his stress cup levels lowering.

 

[MrMoonlight]

Maybe little things to show you care...I really like justmehere's suggestion.

Write on a piece of paper all the good things you see in him...leave it somewhere he will find it.

 

[Justmehere]

I totally second the encouraging notes! I like to send random funny cards or notes of encouragement, postal mail, which no one does any more to friends who struggle... but in the pile of bills, they get something that hopefully is a moment of another feeling. I tend to put something that says "no response needed, just wanted to send you a smile." I don't know if that's needed, but someone once told me it's helpful. I even do it when I'm down because it picks me up to do. It's a tiny bit harder to drown in worry about someone when picking out a silly card to send.

 

[AJR2674]

caligirl03, I agree with the others. Little things that show you care speak volumes! Make him a breakfast burrito and drop it off with a note; leave a flower on his car windshield, etc. You have already let him know that you are willing to listen, so you've done a beautiful thing for him already. I will pray for the both of you.