General Would my vet be able to protect me from an angry crowd?

[Never_falter2]

So my vet struggles with crowds. Sometimes it is better, sometimes it is worse... and i hope that this is not offensive but I wonder if he would be able to protect me in case of emergency.

I wonder if his illness would keep him from protecting me. A while ago he was verbally attacked at the mall and we were also verbally attacked and he did not fight back at all. Other explained to me it is because he would not be able to fight back without getting REALLY angry.

Two days ago I was verbally sexually harassed by a group of youth. It was not really bad, so I did not tell my husband but it was enough to make me feel uncomfortable.

I wonder what he would have done if he had been there or what he would do if we were in a crowd and the crowd would turn hostile or if a crowd would try to grope me. Would he be able to protect me without getting angry?

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't think any of us could answer this question for you because it's highly individualistic.

His personality plays a big role, as does his PTSD. The outcome is not predictable.

I'm concerned that you're hung up on having a husband who will be a macho man knight in shining armor. Yes he's former military but that's just a stereotype.

 

[Casey_03]

I think you might be getting ahead of yourself here, or looking for ways to find fault with him (or avoiding the real issues by looking for more problems?) Because it's a pretty big leap to go from being "verbally sexually harassed by a group of youth" to coming under assault by an angry crowd. Do you have reason to think you will need to defend yourself against an angry crowd? It's just kind of a weird thought to have, unless there is more to your situation than I'm aware of. If there is, forgive me, I'm just commenting based on the details in the post. But I have noticed that you seem to see verbal spats with strangers as coming under "verbal attack," which seems to sort of escalate things when they don't need to be escalated. People are rude, everywhere, and it's not uncommon to get into an argument with people in shopping centers, restaurants, wherever. But that doesn't mean every verbal dispute with a stranger is an "attack" that needs to be defended against. Sometimes the best way to defuse the situation is to walk away. No offense, but it almost seems like you are hoping for drama and confrontation, and it sounds like your vet wants the exact opposite.

 

[Never_falter2]

You can always end up in a place when you need to be protected from a crowd. Just something that happened in a city near where we live. I heard it from the news paper: a driver accidentally hit a child and left his car to aid him. He was then attacked by the child's family clan who thought he did it on purpose, someplace else a tram driver accidentally nearly hit a kid and was attacked by a crowd of bystanders, in another place a cop gave a driver a ticket for parking without paying the fee and was attacked by a crowd of 150 people. Just the news of the last week from what I remember. Maybe it's different in other countries.

In the last years the crime rate in my country has been going up a lot and rapes have become really common. Like a lot of other people I wonder if I am safe.

Also there is the danger of terrorism. I went to a fair in a small town a few weeks ago. I used to be so relaxed in the past, but this year there were policemen everywhere and there were bollards preventing car attacks. It really feels different.

Those youth, who verbally sexually harassed me did nothing really bad. They just cat called, made comments about my breast, shouted they wanted to f*ck me but it was still unpleasant.

 

[Never_falter2]

Re knight in shining armor. Yes, I want a husband who protects me in case of emergency, not one who runs for the mountains. Is that so unusual?

 

[Fadeaway]

Why would it be his responsibility to protect you? Do you feel equal responsibility to protect him?

If you both were in a hostile crowed do you expect him to forsake his own safety to secure yours?

 

[Never_falter2]

I am the mother of his children. Yes, I do think he needs to protect me. He is also much stronger than me. Follow your own feminist agenda but I want to feel protected.

 

[Never_falter2]

I feel responsible to protect my children, I would most willingly die for them if it was necessary.
I do love and care for my husband and I really do a lot of things for him. I do a lot of things to make sure he is happy and healthy, but I don't think it is my job to protect him and I don't think I could do this. I am petite and not really strong.

 

[Casey_03]

@Never_falter I absolutely agree with you that violence can break out in crowds anywhere, and at any time. I agree with that 100%. But you seem to be focusing on it very intensely, to the point where it seems like you are searching for problems in the relationship (maybe it's a sign you aren't very happy with your vet?) You're just obsessing over hypothetical situations that may or may not happen.

I do the same thing when my anxiety spikes -- I start thinking about what would happen if my neighbors left their stove on and started a fire? What if the vacant store beneath me has a gas leak and no one senses it and we all blow up? What if a drunk driver drives into my building from the intersection nearby? All of these things can totally happen, and they do everyday. But if I had a spouse or boyfriend here and started getting on his case for not going to check on the hypothetical gas leak/go knock on the neighbor's door to check about the stove .... well that would be my issue, not his. It would be my anxiety getting out of control, not a flaw in his personality.

That's all I'm saying -- I think there is probably a very good reason for you to be focusing on these things. Maybe you are distracting yourself from other issues ... or you're not happy in the relationship and you want to find reasons to get out ... or maybe you just have bad anxiety right now.

 

[Fadeaway]

Follow your own feminist agenda but I want to feel protected.

Seriously?! I do not see that as feminism, I see it as not living in a fantasy land. It doesn't matter if you are male of female, depending o someone else to protect you unless you are a child is just is frankly, not a smart move.

 

[Casey_03]

Also, to be fair, your vet would never be able to protect you from terrorist attacks, and probably not from a violent mob either. It seems more than just a bit unrealistic to think about all the horrors in the world and want him to protect you from them. It's one thing to want him to stand up to jerks in the mall, but it's another to start obsessing over how he'd defend against violent crowds, criminals and terrorists. Unless he's secretly a superhero.

 

[Never_falter2]

Well, I hope that I will never be a victim of violence, but I want to I am safe if it happens. This was a questions for the vets and I really would love to have an answers instead of people finding fault in the question.

I think I might have a bit of secondary PTSD because my husband fear of crowds has infected me.

A lot of people in my country are concerned about the growing number of rapes and groups of violent youths. I recent poll shows one in three Germans now avoids big crowds. I think the main reason is terrorism.
I am none of those, I want to continue to do the thinks I love and I want my children to be able to enjoy the things I enjoyed growing up. I don't want to let terrorists win.

But I really want to feel protected. My husbands is not always going with me, because sometimes his fear of crowds is to bad... but if he is with me I want to feel protected.