Relationship Yesterday Has Gone

[Fire phill]

Thanks Sangamo for your reply. I take it you are together at the moment?
My wife is convinced that we should separate. I'm hoping that if she can start treatment and stabilise before the house is sold perhaps we can avoid the separation. I love my wife and I too want her to get better. I'm fighting for me and my daughter.

 

[Sangamo]

Yes we are back together. I look back on things and realize that in my situation I think she needed to see how thing were without my love and support to see it. But we don't have children so that made a difference. Hope she can get started with treatment and with your support and love avoid separating.

 

[Fire phill]

Hi Sangamo, hearing your still together gives me hope although at the moment I'm not sure how much. I know that none of this is my doing and my wife is projecting all of her anger onto me. I pray for her and my daughter. Thank you for your support

 

[Fire phill]

Now she's really angry. She informed me that there isn't that much wrong with her. Only the lack of sleep and the nightmares, other than that she's ok. She doesn't have twisted thinking or depression. Apparently this is all my fault I'm a liar and I've pushed her away and she's not ill.

She also has been secretly arranging the divorce even though she said we would separate and see how things went with her treatment. Apparently I've screwed up the marriage and I should sit and think of how I have done this.

I know I have handled things wrong since she was diagnosed but as I've said before I'm new to this and been trying to get my head around it all.

 

[scout86]

She doesn't have twisted thinking or depression.

That kind of made me laugh. Because, pretty much by definition "twisted thinking" doesn't seem all that twisted when you're on the inside looking out. That's the problem.

But, I don't know your wife or the situation either. Here's a couple of thoughts for you. IF, she grew up in a family where people told her what she SHOULD be thinking and feeling and that what she WAS thinking and feeling was wrong, it complicates knowing what to believe about people and situations as an adult. IF that is going on now, she may really be struggling with "who to believe?" Family history and the roles you learn growing up are hard to see through and hard to learn to avoid. PTSD isn't a disease in the sense that measles is, where there are a discrete set of symptoms that are the direct result of the "disease". It's more of an overlay on the existing personality. For example, if you look around on here, there are people who can be pretty combative and people who are afraid to venture out of their house. Same basic problem, but vastly different manifestations. Most likely because they are different people. So, some of what you're seeing is what it is because of who your wife is as a person and what her life experiences have been. Filtered through a lens of hyper-vigilance. Does that make any sense? Could be you would have had problems with her family whether she had PTSD or not, this might be just a heightened version.

Your current situation brought to mind something my T said about a situation I'm having with my brother. (He doesn't have PTSD, he's got a totally different problem). I had forwarded a few emails to my T and he was helping me sort things out and respond. The replies from my brother got progressively more over the top angry. Finally, the reply I got from my T was "You're in WAY over your head. Lawyer up!" (Which I did.) As much as I'm sure you'd like to fix this situation, I think the time has come when all you can do is fasten your seat belt and hang on till stuff quits moving, Sorry!.

 

[Fire phill]

Hi Scout, I get what your saying.

Yes her family does have a big influence over her thinking. Although she thinks she has her own mind. Her family are very good at manipulation especially her mother and son. Until she was diagnosed she did seem to have her own mind but I think they have seen a weakness in her and jumped on it.

I can't do right for doing wrong.

She sees a psychiatrist on 31 July and hopefully start treatment soon after. I'm just hoping that the CBT may help her to sort out things.

But for now I think we are probably done. Thanks for your honesty.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Fire phill ... all relationship issues aside, as somebody who had their rear handed to them in a divorce, it would probably be a good idea to check with a lawyer for yourself if she is starting proceedings behind your back.