You Know You Have PTSD When...

[Tornadic Thoughts]

When your best method of self-care within a day is actually cancelling the self-care you had pre-planned because all the feelings rushing in at the time are way too intense to be able to follow through with anything involving another person. Maybe tomorrow. Meanwhile, be kind to self, healthily nurture the things that hurt, and weed that wildly wayward mind.

 

[Anrish]

When you feel like crying but you cannot cry.

When you need someone to push you out of bed because your depressions paralyze you.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

When starting to explore with T the possibility of maybe talking about That One Thing, That One Time leads to a crisis of self-harm.

Ffs, how am I ever going to do PE with those memories?

 

[ladee]

When you look back over your life and think.... Damn that was hard... but so worth it.

 

[Friday]

Ffs, how am I ever going to do PE with those memories?

From a greater distance & for far less time than kicked this crisis off. <nods>

There are things I give the barest flicker of thought to, and finis. A flicker here. A moment there. Maybe 5 whole seconds in a month -or 6 months- of a hundred flickers. Around the very furthest edges of the thing. Because anything longer or closer is fire to flash paper. Until it's isn't. And then I might take a whole tenth of a second. Then a moment. A half second. A second. A half formed word. A word. A sentence. A paragraph. Hours spent talking details over coffee with far less reaction than any one those first 1,000 flickers.

Think of it like art restoration? Flickers of a single haired brush over a tiny area are more effective than sloshing the canvass with acids. Takes longer. But restores the beauty beneath, beneath the layers of paint, pollution, smoke, & grime... without damaging the work :)

 

[Heather]

When you find out something upsetting and anxiety sky rockets and panic over takes you.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

From a greater distance & for far less time than kicked this crisis off. <nods>

There are things I giv...

I love your words and imagery. Truth. Thanks for the support.

 

[iPaul]

When you're always worried about absolutely nothing.

 

[Friday]

When you realize part of your "I get weird when I start to care for people" (one of the early hard pull-back phases) is coming to terms in advance with their dying.

When "the early hard pull-back phases" both a) exist & b) are well known enough to be parsed and separately categorized.

 

[Anrish]

When creative art is a trigger and when you stand in an art supply shop and ...just want to run away.

 

[Friday]

When you have super important meetings, about deeply crucial things, that need to have been handled yesterday... Days & weeks into the future... Because that's when you'll have meds & the ability to exercise enough to blow off & manage the stress of them :banghead:

When experience teaches that scheduling those same meetings days and weeks after when they should really have happened? (Or continuing to postpone at the last minute, because no one in their right mind would agree to scheduling crucial thing! with you anything less than ASAP) Not only guarantees better outcomes of the meetings themselves, but also saves you a few months of circling the drain. :wtf:

So, on balance, waiting is a good thing.

Even if your reputation & self image takes a nutshot because of it. Sigh. f*cking f*ck f*ck f*ckity f*ck f*ck f*ck. :blackeye:

 

[Anrish]

When you feel being pushed in a corner when people want to spend time with you. And when you feel left out and alone when people do not spend time with you....