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You Know You Have PTSD When...

When you don't notice you lose weight unless someone's starving you.
And then you don't notice it either because you're too busy plotting how to get out and/or not deal with that son of a bitch.
When you notice how many very-normal pieces of your life are so off only after talking with people with different sort of off's.
 
When you wish your head finally followed the plan for what you won't remember when. ;)
When you visit war memorials only to tell someone you respect them dearly, but for God's sake please hold me alive. Because your friends won't answer your phones and dealing with rejection's apparently harder than death.
When you have a Job worthy rant at God listing all the grievances of the past half a year and realize only then wow, you feel something about them.
When you continue that rant line at beloved commander, only to realize hours later crap, talking to him live won't be doable, he's been dead for a decade and some. (Nevermind! Those who are dead, are not dead, they're just living in my head. -Coldplay).
 
When you're happy for people pointing out some suicidality isn't what you mistake it, but again misplaced training.
When it takes you half an hour to write a simple line because the experiences behind it are too long & you're busy trying to do damage control about sharing.
When keeping simple logs on how you are is goddamn difficult, but since people won't accept your 'I'm always fine', -fine-!
 

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