DID Young scared alters

[PTSDbegone]

I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder last year. My biggest struggle at the moment is dissociating, and getting lost. It has put me in some unsafe situations. My therapist believes I have very young alters that don't want to go home. My therapist has a lot of experience with DID, but I puzzle her. I have never felt so hopeless. Does anyone here have experience with this?

Thank you

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I've had some problems with dissociative alters, though I find it very hard to recognize them and similar.

I am pretty sure there is at least one alter of me that is a reaction of completely hiding, nd I don't remember anythign that happens while it's active.

Glad you have an experienced therapist, hopefully it gets better for you!

Sending hugs if you accept :hug:

 

[PTSDbegone]

I've had some problems with dissociative alters, though I find it very hard to recognize them and simila...

Thank you very much. I questioned the DID diagnosis for quite awhile. Mainly because I couldn't understand it when I have no memory of other alters being present. I just miss blocks of time it seems. It is all so confusing.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I know, it took me some time to realize it was alters... Especially as I didn't remember what happened, so I didn't know it was anything extreme, and then bam I find out that I beat up some people.

I am basically not sure how many alters I have, and 2 of them are not communicative much, one would be absolute panic, really crippling reaction, I'd call it the flight response alter, and the other would be manic fighting, which I'd call fight response. With one I go into panic and am unable of anything, I'd just crouch or something somewhere or whatever and endure whatever is happening. Without remembering. I spent a lot fo time like that, and it's one of my main dissociation states. And the other, that doesn't come out as often would be the fight response, which will I guess try to protect me, and then wipe the memory, so I don't remember beating someone up even if it happened a minute ago... It's really wierd.

 

[Ronin]

Redefine home, until everyone is on the vaguely safer same page about it.

Old home doesn't apply, so what is the new home? And in what ways is it safer than the ones left (assuming it IS safer... and they're not alerting you to a very real issue of 'this here isn't safe and we better go, whether you listen or not.')?

Eventually you could try it by (if you can) catching yourself before run/mid run, returning, and sitting it out / doing something else with the jitters. See kiddos? Old scenarios don't apply. Action A doesn't lead to Punishment B. Rinse & repeat until it becomes clear all around.... or at least something that's acknowledged as a very real option, even if the insecurity remains.

Also: portable homes. What is a /sense/ of home thing you can take with you?

 

[Ronin]

so I don't remember beating someone up even if it happened a minute ago... It's really wierd.

Two things: scaling toward the middle with experiences, & ground rules.

Beating people up? Unacceptable, no matter how provoked you are, at any state. It's getting you all in trouble, and it's not protecting you. It's doing the opposite of protecting y'all, and those parts people need to get the meme.

Be smart about the self defense. Pick what does, actually, protect you & yours.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Cashew
Explain that to me :p

 

[Ronin]

@Cashew
Explain that to me :p

If you're easily provokeable, bullies learn from it that you respond to every stupid thing they come up with. Responding, but in ways they don't expect and that don't involve getting on their level / fighting dirty with the same dirt from angles they can see you coming, gives you space.

If alters do something that involves dealing with danger with your deep lack of awareness, they're putting you in trouble, because it's not knowing how your protective system works (only THAT it works) and relying on an unknown - inside your own head no less - you need to know, at least in the basics, how you react, each and everyone of you likely to be involved.

& sadly, for the society or god forbid court of law? My alter made me do it, is not an acceptable excuse, justification, nor explanation. Imprisonment of whichever sort is even less navigatable if you're not an united front /inside/, not blanking each other out.

Basically you need an internal order & you need to know what makes you tick & you need to not respond to things every moron comes up with so fast. So what gets you time, what gets you space, and what makes you solve situations differently? ;)

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Being stable generally makes the bad alters less active...

I am still new to managing alters, I mean, after years... I just suck at it. I guess I just hope they wont come out.

 

[Ronin]

makes the bad alters

Not sure I'd label, personally.

They would probably act differently, knowing it's a choice they can make / is an option to you.

I just suck at it.

It's not like they hand out manuals how to deal with crazy environs & unstable parenting & raising & other factors, right at birth. That you're alive? That you're functioning? Success. Not suckage.

I guess I just hope they wont come out.

Understandable, yet it's the kind of behavior that if it had to pop up multiple times already, is likely to happen again, so preparation & understanding trumps denial.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I spent 4 years consistently dissociating without memories... Lately I've been stable, but then, now I'm unstable. I don'0t know what to do

 

[Ronin]

For starters don't assume a bad period of life means you've worsened drastically, haven't learned a darn thing, and it will be so forever?

(See: Ms. Spock's thread on challenging cognitive distortions.)

Secondly, be aware what gives you a sense of stability? 'Unstable' is a description of feelings about a state, but how one feels about a situation is different from the situation.

Maybe make a thread about what makes you feel unstable & what specifically related to alter/parts?

(Apologies to @PTSDbegone for taking over your thread, trying to get back to topic, now. :) )