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Cringing And Embarrassment

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outofsync

New Here
I am terribly embarrassed of everything I have ever done.
There is not one part of my life I don't look back on and cringe.
It's really difficult for me, has caused some of the worst self loathing I've had.
I've shut myself in the house away from everyone because I don't want to make an embarrassment anymore.

The main cringes are times where I've felt confident then I've looked back and felt I really shouldn't have been. It's really hard :(
 
Surely you have done some things you've enjoyed? Sometimes the bad overpower the good, in our minds......the smile on passing the old, lonely man, the " thank you" to the overworked salesperson, the " smile" you brought to a relative or friends face. Of course we all have cringe moments...but there's lots we can smile about if we really stop and think.
 
There are good things, lots of them but I ruin them by cringing about them anyways as if me being happy is an embarrassing thing. Its difficult because I don't know if my view is warped or if I am entirely right to be embarrassed
 
I think we all have things we remember and get embarrassed about (I know I do). The best thing we can do is learn from our life events and forgive ourselves. Sometimes we need to apologize to make things better on our end (being forgiven is not necessary as long as we are sincere). Every day is a new chance to make good choices that we can look back on
and smile about in the future :)
 
There are good things, lots of them but I ruin them by cringing about them anyways as if me being happy is an embarrassing thing. Its difficult because I don't know if my view is warped or if I am entirely right to be embarrassed
Being embarrassed of happiness - it sounds like the internal message you give to yourself is that it is wrong to be happy and feel confident. This sounds like a message that is from an abuser(s) - it's the message they wanted you to believe and it's not true.

I think that if you work on the underlying trauma and/or work on some thought challenging, you will begin to disagree with your abuser and find that something else is true. That you have worth and value, just as you are, happy, sad, etc. That you are not an embarrassment.
I've shut myself in the house away from everyone because I don't want to make an embarrassment anymore.
Is the embarrassment yours? It sounds like it really belongs to your abuser, not yours. Give it back to them. As much as possible, give it back to them and try to reclaim your freedom to be who you are, mistakes and all.

Everyone makes mistakes. No mistake is fixed or made better through shame and regret and running away. :hug:
 
I hear you on this one. For me it’s about being seen. I think the cringe factor is worse when I’m happy &/or confident (or doing something I love & just simply enjoying myself), because it’s more authentic to who I really am & I don’t like to expose anything about myself to anyone – period. I have found that the further along in the recovery process I become, the more this effect diminishes. I would say, just keep turning up & doing the work & practice being kind to yourself along the way. ;)

Cheers :)
 
Thank you guys, it's really difficult when it comes to cringing because it can make you shut off and not want to talk to people about it because it's embarrassing. I'm glad I have though, that's why I come here. There's not many particular things I cringe about just myself in general but I think that reflects my low self esteem more than anything else. I think you're 100% right Justmehere it is the voice of my abuser. I am getting a little better all the time and you all help a lot because like I said, at times the cringing is the worst for me.
 
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