Childhood Does anyone ever feel embarrassed about being neglected and mistreated as a child?

[Fallfox984]

Whenever I talk to my therapist about things that happened when I was little, I feel embarrassed and ashamed later. One of the biggest times was when I talked about being slapped really hard when I was a toddler. It does feel exposing, but it doesn't seem like it's just because it feels too vulnerable. I think I'm really embarrassed to talk about being hurt (physically yes but mostly emotionally) and not being cared for when I was a child. It feels like I'm sharing all of these examples of reasons why I'm less valuable than other people. It makes me feel like I'm dirty/damaged goods. I think part of me also worries that by telling my therapist (or anyone) these things, that I'll convince them that I'm not worthy of their care either. It's a really deep and heavy thing and I feel a lot of shame whenever I talk about it, even as I'm writing this. Can anyone relate?

 

[Survivor3]

Hi @Fallfox984, I only felt embarrassed and ashamed of my dads abuse and family neglect when I was young, not as an adult. When I've spoken to therapists about it as an adult, then I've been very open and direct about it. I can relate to what your saying though.

 

[arfie]

i don't embarrass easily, but i do feel the whirling cesspool of emotions attached when i speak of my childhood. the emotional whirling escalates when i recall the sessions and whelms me when i allow the recollection to escalate to rumination.

 

[osiris]

I think I felt more embarrassed that I didn’t recognize the concept of neglect in my past. When we came back to my family and childhood after a while of other work T kind of had to say to me ‘I thought we’d named and understood it was neglect’.

I get the feeling of shame though and I panic on a regular basis that T won’t want to keep working with me. Once I actually managed to say that to them and they reassured me that’s not the case.

Telling your therapist about what you’re finding tough in therapy can really help shape the work I think, even though that often feels impossible to do.

Keep writing here too. You will hopefully feel less alone.

 

[deno]

I hear what you're saying—about the deep shame that comes up when you talk about being hurt as a child. But for me, it wasn’t shame over the memories themselves. It was shock that I didn’t see the bigger pattern sooner. I went through years of therapy thinking I knew who the problem was in my family. I had one person pegged. And I was wrong. Not about them—but about who else was involved. It took me a long time to realize that the ones I thought were neutral or even supportive were actually players in the damage.

And when that truth hit me—after everything I’d already processed—I wasn’t embarrassed. I was stunned. Concerned that I missed something so big. But I also gave myself grace. Because the lies were strategic. The narrative was controlled. And people like us often live in systems designed to keep us confused.

So no—you're not damaged goods. You're not less valuable. You're someone trying to untangle the invisible wires that others wrapped around your worth. Keep speaking. You’re not alone. And you don’t have to get it all right at once. My therapist stated once - truth comes in waves and every wave brings you closer to shore.

 

[Freemartin]

I relate 1000%. Thanks for sharing!

 

[Susan Jane]

Whenever I talk to my therapist about things that happened when I was little, I feel embarrassed and ashamed later. One of the biggest times was when I talked about being slapped really hard when I was a toddler. It does feel exposing, but it doesn't seem like it's just because it feels too vulnerable. I think I'm really embarrassed to talk about being hurt (physically yes but mostly emotionally) and not being cared for when I was a child. It feels like I'm sharing all of these examples of reasons why I'm less valuable than other people. It makes me feel like I'm dirty/damaged goods. I think part of me also worries that by telling my therapist (or anyone) these things, that I'll convince them that I'm not worthy of their care either. It's a really deep and heavy thing and I feel a lot of shame whenever I talk about it, even as I'm writing this. Can anyone relate?

Yes. I used to feel that way all the time. I still get it, when I speak about it but more often I just feel compassion for myself. I must have been so scared, and lost. In fact I know I was because the fear still takes over when I am not doing well handling stress, ill or tired. The shame was always hard for me to understand. I think I understand it now. My parents never acknowledged their neglect. My mom tried to make me responsible for her, and my father and his 2nd wife acted like abandoning me was not their fault. So yes I felt shame and the neglect made me feel unlovable and damaged. I am still healing… The worse thing for me was how badly I treated myself, and how many damaged people I let damage me more. That is my second wave of shame. I tell myself everyday, I was doing my best as a abandon and neglected child, meaning I carried those unworthy feelings. Hope that helps, you aren’t alone…

 

[deno]

My therapist gave me a tool to use.

Name: The Worth Card
Use: To interrupt the shame-loop that says, “This means I’m less valuable."​

Instructions: Write this on a card, a sticky note, your phone lock screen—wherever you can see it when shame creeps in after therapy or reflection:

My worth was never on trial.
I am not dirty.
I am not damaged.
I am someone who was wounded—and is healing.
The shame I carry was never mine to begin with.
Every time I speak, I reclaim a piece of myself.
My story doesn’t make me less.
It proves I’m still here.

I use this for myself when I felt like telling my story was somehow proving I wasn’t worthy. It's called it ‘The Worth Card.’ Maybe it’ll help you too

 

[PamelaS]

Whenever I talk to my therapist about things that happened when I was little, I feel embarrassed and ashamed later. One of the biggest times was when I talked about being slapped really hard when I was a toddler. It does feel exposing, but it doesn't seem like it's just because it feels too vulnerable. I think I'm really embarrassed to talk about being hurt (physically yes but mostly emotionally) and not being cared for when I was a child. It feels like I'm sharing all of these examples of reasons why I'm less valuable than other people. It makes me feel like I'm dirty/damaged goods. I think part of me also worries that by telling my therapist (or anyone) these things, that I'll convince them that I'm not worthy of their care either. It's a really deep and heavy thing and I feel a lot of shame whenever I talk about it, even as I'm writing this. Can anyone relate?

Fallfox i’m so sorry that you’re struggling with this. Every struggle is valid. And every person is valuable. Sometimes I reframe the thoughts in my mind as lies. I am more than what I’ve been through and I am valuable. The point is you are valuable too! Give it a try. Whenever you sent thoughts of condemning yourself as unworthy, tell them to leave you alone because you are worthy. If you need to yell at them to go away. Whatever it takes to stop those thoughts in your head, do it because it’s not true. When we allow it to rehearse in our minds, we reinforce them and start to believe them. So I encourage you to stop them and reframe them as the truth that you are valuable no matter what you’ve been through. I know how difficult this is and I am still learning how to do it. But my life has become a whole lot better since I started. I wish you all the best moving forward.

 

[oh!theperspicacity]

I relate to this. I had a recent relapse and started with a new therapist and the memories came flooding in. But I was so embarrased and ashamed to talk about them, I lied to the therapist at first and avoided bringing things up. We later explored 2x memories where I felt intense shame about my body because of the mocking and degrading comments from the persecutor. Talking about it brought me back to that place. The embarrassment stayed with me for a while after but I was able to come back the next session with fresh eyes to see the situation for what it was. I was a child. It wasn't my fault. My feelings of embarrassment were normal responses but I don't need to feel that now because I know the narrative I was told about my body was a lie. Helped to keep telling myself I'm not damaged goods. I have a husband and beautiful child and such loving friends. All the evidence points to those early experiences as lies and it wasn't my fault. I can rewrite the story and keep telling myself I'm worth it. Feeling embarrassed about not realising it was emotional abuse also comes. My favourite saying is 'I did the best I could at the time with what resources I had." It's not my fault.

 

[Roland]

I feel like that, I really struggle to talk about or even think about being hit and yelled at as a kid. If I do talk about it, I have a deep shame and disgust with myself like I deserved that treatment and the assumption that the other person will shame me as well. I almost feel like if the person reacts in any way that isn't neutral or validating that I couldn't handle it. (Because children get punished for a reason and usually because of their behavior, so I must have done something to warrant that response).

It's horrible. Somehow I find it easier to discuss sexual abuse and Lord knows that shit ain't easy. But people almost always react in a neutral, validating, or empathetic way to that. It's instantly clear that my dad was wrong and abusive where a lot of people seem to think abuse is parenting and I'm not here to discuss what is healthy parenting and what isn't, I just know the shit I experienced was deeply traumatizing.

 

[Fallfox984]

Thank you all for all of your support. You all are so wonderful and definitely make me feel less alone