Screening A New Therapist

[sun seeker]

I was surprised yesterday to get a phone message from the last therapist who turned me down because I don't live in her area. It was around a month ago and just now she is calling to tell me she can see me after all. It's been four months since I started trying to find anyone who can see me; this therapist's credentials are not ideal but she is the only one available that I can afford and at that, it took a lot of advocating for myself to be allowed to see her. So obviously I am anxious to make it work, but at the same time not optimistic because I have already tried so many things that didn't help me, including several therapists in the past.

What I am wondering is, what would you recommend asking a potential therapist to determine whether there is a good fit? Being in a desperate frame of mind and having trouble making decisions, I can see myself latching on to anything offered, but I also don't want to waste her time or mine.

This is mainly an art therapist, a modality I have given a good shot at (a year and a half with one therapist years ago, then seven months with another more recently, although art wasn't the main focus the second time) and determined doesn't help me. I've already told her this by phone, and told her the reason I am interested in her specifically is that she does have some training in somatic experiencing, though that isn't her specialty. I've also told her that I have tried a lot of modalities over the years so she knows I am not new to this.

I guess what I am afraid of is getting into the situation I've gotten into before where the therapist thinks we're making progress because I show up and talk about my problems every week, while I know that just talking isn't going to get me anywhere. And that if I actually let her see how bad my problems are, she'll give up on me. Every time that happens it gets that much worse. Do I lay it all out on the table from the start, tell her just how bad it is as graphically as possible and ask if she can handle it? I have a tendency to try to be nice, to not impose on people, and I know it can come across completely differently from what I am actually experiencing. The last therapist I worked with, I realized, was on a completely different page from me, imagining there was some therapeutic process going on when to me, we hadn't even begun. I just don't know how well I can find the words to describe what I need. I know everyone is different, but what would you recommend saying to a new therapist?

 

[Recovery4Me]

I am tearfully overjoyed that she contacted you. Seriously, when someone offered to guide me out of my hades, I often thanked them for the opportunity and their willingness to be part of my journey. I offered my boundaries and asked theirs: I told them, trust would take time. Normally that took up at least half of the session if they were interactive.:clown:

I am happy for you!!! Congrats.:hug:'s if you accept them.

 

[Seasounds]

this therapist's credentials are not ideal but she is the only one available that I can afford

So that you don't feel so limited, I would encourage you to believe there IS a therapist, other than this one, whom you can afford (through negotiating a price you can afford, or that you may learn of, through word of mouth, that isn't even listed.) I have found someone, unexpectedly, when I had no hope.

I often thanked them for the opportunity and their willingness to be part of my journey. I offered my boundaries and asked theirs: I told them, trust would take time.

I think this is a great plan to kindly state your desire: to do somatic experiencing. If she doesn't agree or if she doesn't demonstrate following your request, in subsequent sessions, you can know that you may need to find someone else.

I like this plan, in quotes above, because it creates a session of creating agreements, that can better support the next few sessions, where I'd recommend that you share your intense stuff. I've experienced therapists getting overwhelmed in the first session, if I share too much at once. Therapist are people, too, and, as they may be interested to help, at some point, as we all do, they may need take intense material in doses.

Re: Other Choices: If it is cheaper, I've found somatic experiencing skills in people who have advanced Craniosacral Therapy training. People with a license to touch-massage therapists, physical therapists, MDs, NDs, and Acupuncturists can all practice this.

Re: Leaving therapists: A month ago, I started seeing a therapist, with the agreement to work on dreams. After three sessions, the therapist wouldn't let me get to dreams. Today, gratefully, I ended therapy.

 

[sun seeker]

Therapist are people, too, and, as they may be interested to help, at some point, as we all do, they may need take intense material in doses.

That's a good point, thank you. It can be easy to forget that they are human too.

creates a session of creating agreements

A session of creating agreements, I like that as a start. I've usually focused on presenting all my problems more than on saying what I need and finding out what they can offer. I think it comes from being used to trying to get my family to take my problems seriously and having them ignored (I could tell her that I suppose). I could try focusing more on agreeing on how to work together.

Re: Other Choices: If it is cheaper, I've found somatic experiencing skills in people who have advanced Craniosacral Therapy training. People with a license to touch-massage therapists, physical therapists, MDs, NDs, and Acupuncturists can all practice this.

See, saying this one was the only one I could afford was a bit of a euphemism. She's free, which truly is all I can afford. There are lots of people with the credentials you mention above in the area, but they have to make a living. This is why it was such a struggle to get accepted: the mental health system around here is seriously understaffed and people are falling through the cracks.

 

[Suzetig]

I think a session of creating agreements is a great idea. I alo really tracked how connected I felt to her, whether I thought I would feel comfortable with her and whether she "got" me and my stuff (I was in crisis when I started therapy, spent he first session in floods of tears so no chance of not saying what was going on).

 

[Seasounds]

@sun seeker, as you responded, I understand your thorough approach.

The interesting thing, going into working with this therapist, is that she may be interested to increase her skills in somatic work, through working with you. I'm glad she called back, and I'm happy for you! Good luck!

 

[digger]

Glad she got back to you :) hope it goes well.

the therapist thinks we're making progress because I show up and talk about my problems every week, while I know that just talking isn't going to get me anywhere. And that if I actually let her see how bad my problems are, she'll give up on me. Every time that happens it gets that much worse. Do I lay it all out on the table from the start, tell her just how bad it is as graphically as possible and ask if she can handle it? I have a tendency to try to be nice, to not impose on people,

I would say that it's important you share this insight about the patterns you've got into with previous therapists at least so she is aware from the start that it is, or could be, an issue and something to be aware of and to check in with you about regularly.

 

[sun seeker]

I would say that it's important you share this insight about the patterns you've got into with previous therapists at least so she is aware from the start that it is, or could be, an issue and something to be aware of and to check in with you about regularly.

Thanks, I'll do that.

Maybe I should make a list. There's a lot to remember!