Hi everyone.... :shy:
I'm not sure if anyone remembers me or not. Or if they are still speaking to me since I did a sudden duck without any warning! I'm really sorry. The constant war in my head about whether I belonged here or not and if I was making it up became too strong. I could feel myself slipping away and then couldn't stop it anymore. Closed off and that was that.
It wasn't a happy time. Confusing. Isolated. Cut off from all support. Back in strong denial. Then something triggered me and yet I couldn't come back as that part of me was still adamant that PTSD wasn't the problem. I ended up on a depression support site ironically obsessively talking about ptsd (and every time experiencing internal backlash).
Things are now a lot better in general. My trauma symptoms are way down from where they were. The most important being the internal fighting. I now legitimately feel I don't belong here. And yet its the one place I feel the most understood. Being on depression or other mental health support forums always leaves me feeling like an oddity and ab alien. Except for the odd person with PTSD. It's all a little crazy making and I'm starting to believe I will never totally make sense of it all.
Still very resistant to dealing with and speaking about past "trauma" and unable to go back to therapy. Still disbelieving that it was traumatic. Still ashamed that things that mild potentially harmed me (nothing I remember is on the severe end of the spectrum). But I do think I have processed an enormous amount considering where I started - total denial and intense self hated. My dissociation symptoms are way down as a result of masses of hard work and a calmer me. I really am doing well in many ways. In some ways my symptoms are gone and again means I probably shouldn't be here.
I feel like a part of me died around the time I left. The nicest part. Not sure what that is about. Still not able to make sense of a lot.
Glad to be back. Hoping I can get myself to stay. Still wondering if it's where I should be. At least I have managed to let you know I am OK I guess. Better late than never? Hello all! :)
I'm not sure if anyone remembers me or not. Or if they are still speaking to me since I did a sudden duck without any warning! I'm really sorry. The constant war in my head about whether I belonged here or not and if I was making it up became too strong. I could feel myself slipping away and then couldn't stop it anymore. Closed off and that was that.
It wasn't a happy time. Confusing. Isolated. Cut off from all support. Back in strong denial. Then something triggered me and yet I couldn't come back as that part of me was still adamant that PTSD wasn't the problem. I ended up on a depression support site ironically obsessively talking about ptsd (and every time experiencing internal backlash).
Things are now a lot better in general. My trauma symptoms are way down from where they were. The most important being the internal fighting. I now legitimately feel I don't belong here. And yet its the one place I feel the most understood. Being on depression or other mental health support forums always leaves me feeling like an oddity and ab alien. Except for the odd person with PTSD. It's all a little crazy making and I'm starting to believe I will never totally make sense of it all.
Still very resistant to dealing with and speaking about past "trauma" and unable to go back to therapy. Still disbelieving that it was traumatic. Still ashamed that things that mild potentially harmed me (nothing I remember is on the severe end of the spectrum). But I do think I have processed an enormous amount considering where I started - total denial and intense self hated. My dissociation symptoms are way down as a result of masses of hard work and a calmer me. I really am doing well in many ways. In some ways my symptoms are gone and again means I probably shouldn't be here.
I feel like a part of me died around the time I left. The nicest part. Not sure what that is about. Still not able to make sense of a lot.
Glad to be back. Hoping I can get myself to stay. Still wondering if it's where I should be. At least I have managed to let you know I am OK I guess. Better late than never? Hello all! :)
