Does PTSD Make A Person (Seem To Be) Uncaring?

[patrick]

Tbam, that is such an eye opener for me. Thanks so much for posting it. Really adds some perspective to my difficulties at maintaining relationships over the years. With a lack of knowledge or understanding that PTSD was an issue, it must have made the resentments that much stronger. It's also easy to see how the defensiveness and retreating on my part could have been seen as a lack of caring. Your perspective as a carer is incredibly valuable. I hope to see more of it.

Pat

 

[Kunoichi]

Tbam,

thank you for posting this!! It has open my eyes too and I can now maintain a higher level of communication with my hubby :)

Kunoichi

 

[midi]

Aye, Nicolette, it isn't a popularity contest and we all offer different things to others. We are all valid, although sometimes I'd like to be like others!

Seeing it from other people's perspectives, like whether you're a carer or the sufferer or a complete outsider - that's important. It is a reminder of why context is so important in understanding people beyond ourselves.

I don't have a carer - I'm responsible for everything in my life--although I did let the Ex in partly, for a few years. It's the PTSD that stops me from sharing the household/life responsibilities with anyone else--but I do know that my father was frustrated when my mother did nothing but sleep drugged on the couch, so I can understand your frustration, Tbam. The frustration and desperation just snowball.

 

[Tbam]

i like to compare it to when you were a kid in school and the teacher put you together with another kid for a "group" project. You do all the work and yet the kid that did nothing still gets the "A" on the project. It makes you mad. As a carer, this is the single strongest feeling I have, anger.

In my situation I am a male carer married for 13 years to a female sufferer. In our case the PTSD is not combat related but rather stems from the loss of our youngest son six years ago. My situation seems to be a little unique but I would guess that a lot of other carer's have the same feelings.

 

[patrick]

I think I'll wander over and have a look at that Carer's Forum. It hasn't occurred to me to do so until today.

 

[jeapea]

When I have 'seemed selfish' (in the opinions of others), is when I am in 'survival mode' and for a brief period of time, they were unable to 'take' what I did not have to give. In other words, when I hear someone tell me I am being selfish, that finger generally has 3 more pointing right back at it.

 

[sallysellsseashells]

Very good topic. I don't think I should say any more.

 

[2notbedefeated]

Yeap. I have others misunderstand me like this all the time and it is frustrating. I tend to be a quiet and insecure person. In school I had other kids make fun of me and think I didn't want to be a friend. This is far from the truth, but I didn't know how to be social and to make friends.

Maybe part of this comes from having been molested I was afraid if anyone found out they would hurt me, make fun of me, or they would do something terrible to me. It was huge weight I had to carry and try to hide.

Also my Mom was quiet, reserved, and withdrawn. I never heard her on the phone talking with others. No one ever came to the house. My Mom never went out. She was not social. She was emotionally distant with others, as well as with her children.

Now I struggle and feel like I have to constantly go out of my way to explain to people who misunderstand me. People tell me they are intimidated by me. This is confusing and strange to me because I don't have confidence and security in myself at all. I am not all that assertive either.

Frankly, right now, if I made vent alittle here:

I am tired of trying to prove to people that I am not mad at them.

I am tired of people misunderstanding my nonverbals, gestures, and behaviors. I''m exhausted from constantly trying to clear up relationships with around me who get offended. I certainly don't set out to be this way to people. In fact inside me, I feel just the opposite or what others think I am.

People say that they think I'm doing great. That I have it all together and have lots of important business to attend too. I find that strange because that is not at all what's going on. I don't even try to appear this way.

People think I have lots of friends, and stay busy. However, this is not the truth. I think out of my whole life, besides my husband I may have had only 2 people I would even call friends.

I feel lonely, isolated, an so empty. Hmm, I did to consider this more.

Even my therapist misinterprets my gestures. He thinks I'm angry at him sometimes and I'm not at all.

I guess I need to evaluate myself and see if there are certain things I need to change with my gestures, nonverbals, and actions.

 

[FlameTachiku]

I care a lot and I do much to avoid feeling to much because I know that my feelings are messed up when it comes to personal stuff. But at a community level at large I am a force because I can give as an outlet of my depth of careing, use my skills and give of myself, then retreat back into my safe home and small family of support.

I care too much. It makes me ill. At a personal level it overwhelms me and I want to run, hide, disapear, excape. It is not about not careing it is stress that comes with careing at a personal level, bringing new people close where they can hurt me or/and those I love. Or worse than that I can love and they die, again. Incredible pain with careing at a personal level very volneerable. It feels so much safer to disassociate or hide. Trusting others and trusting myself its hard (understatement). How can I trust myself when my emotions are mixed up with a broken PTSD system. Why put others though living with my chaos at a personal level. Careing at a personal level makes me run, or get sick, stress out, shut down, retreat, but I want to do better. Not good at it, at all.

The world is so much easier at a community level.

Can anyone relate?

 

[Tinyflame]

About 95+ % entirely.

 

[Tbam]

here is the original post question:

"Does PTSD make a person (seem) uncaring?"

Focus on the word "seem"

The post is asking how the behavior of the PTSD sufferer is perceived by the outside world. That is, the carers, family, friends, church, school, community, etc. Do those individuals get the feeling that the suffferer is uncaring. What do you think??

 

[FlameTachiku]

Tbam,

When we disappear, retreat, withdrawl I think it is fair to "seem" like we are uncareing. It will take a lot of education or understanding for a carer to feel otherwise, in my opionion. These are traits many of us share?:think:

Flame