Shutdown During Hostile Treatment : Yuck!

[Seasounds]

It is awful, when my mind shuts down and my body starts to spasm, because the way a clerk is speaking to me is reminiscent of how I was treated by an abuser.

What a way to ruin the rest of my day. Instead of doing tasks, I am in freeze mode for a few hours, then for the next 8 hours I am doing steps of self care to bring me through the shock, the pain, and the anger of being treated poorly.

It is embarrassing to freeze up and not be able to get through an interaction. And when the freeze mode takes me over, it is frustrating because I can't be articulate or an advocate for myself.

I am grateful to make progress; to see that I can recover in a day instead of 3 months, or 1, 2 or 20 years.

 

[shimmerz]

It is awful, when my mind shuts down and my body starts to spasm, because the way a clerk is speaking to

Boy oh boy, do I recall those days. I am so happy that you are recovering more quickly @Saetva. :hug:

 

[Sideways]

There is definitely something about people standing behind desks...or counters, or checkouts - any kind of bench or table really. They already look like they have some kind of special authority (which makes me twitchy), so they don't need to say much of the wrong thing or use slightly the wrong tone (even to say something polite and helpful) and BAM!

I stead of going into spasm, I go rigid. Except for my right hand, which reaches out to the side and starts doing it's crazy little tapping thing. Cue weird looks or "Do you play the piano" or awkward edging away from me *sigh*.

Breathe, go outside, get grounded, and get frustrated (yet again).

Glad to head it's improving for you though:)

 

[Seasounds]

@shimmerz , and @Ragdoll Circus,
Thank you so much for your quick, empathetic responses and suggestions. Getting support early on, within a trigger cycle, helped me mitigate its duration; and knowing people understood me, helped me know I wasn't alone.

It so helps to be aware of my early symptoms while in an interaction, as well as listen for cues, from the other person-that they give, which Signal that they are getting overwhelmed. There is also the element, of with the tension visable in the other person and myself, "Is it crucial that I push through this now?" or "Can I come back to this, in a few seconds, or minutes, or days?" When two peoples' fight systems are ignited, it isn't always so always to disengage the battle, in the moment. It's all a continual learning process for me.

Since I last wrote, the trigger as deceased from 9/10 scale to 3/10 scale-it is fading into the background; spasms gone, just some minor depression hanging out, related to feeling out of control, that can occur at any moment, while living with PTSD. Yesterday, day after the event) I had a good session about this with my psychiatrist.

There was a more generic and kind moment that occurred shortly after my trigger, I wanted to share; how random acts of kindness reach deeper than the superficial layer from which they are exchanged. I went into a grocery store. When paying for my groceries, I used my debit card with a chip, for the first time. Within a minute, I make a few mistakes by inserting my card at the wrong time, or in the wrong way. Each time, I said, "I'm sorry." After each of my apologies, the clerk replied, "It is not your fault." After hearing, "It is not your fault," for the third time, I realized how calming it was for my current triggered state, to hear his words. Humorously, I answered his last atoning comment. Looking up at him I said, "You know, I could use you." (As an angel that followsme around, neutralizing my negativity thinking)

Thanks again, MyPTSDForum friends, you really helped me!

 

[shimmerz]

Congratulations on such a quick recovery @Saetva! My heart always warms when I see one of your postings. :hug:

 

[brandonsmom777]

Just wanted to tell u I feel u on that, you're definitely not alone :) mine happens at the worst times and is usually provoked by similar situations as you described. Or, if I'm being yelled at or if I think someone is going to say something mean to me and most DEFINITELY when I feel rejection by men. It's a terrible feeling. It's like my whole body is literally stuck, my thoughts are stuck, I'm not thinking or feeling anything but inside I feel like screaming HRLP ME!!!!! someone, anyone. Forcing myself to move helps and reminding myself it's just my body protecting me helps and dancing :)