Is It Just f*cking Me?

[Deleted member 28740]

Never thought of music. Does the dog specific ones really work?

download a sample and try it. It is based on classical music theory. It does calm my dog. Worked well for the horrendous fireworks, and separation anxiety. Calms me too. White noise for dogs...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I will, thank you. I have to put it on the PC as my phone is with me and the blue ray turns itself off. I can put the cable box on classical on one of the music channels if thats all it is.

 

[Tinyflame]

Must go walk my own now. Newspaper- train him to the spot, take him over after supper, praise him. Same as an appartment. Most dogs couldn't last 10 hours- hence why when he does go it's the runs.

It will be ok. :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It will be ok.

I wish, with the remainder of everything, I could believe that.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Forget the papering my whole floor idea as my dad apparently stopped the paper and the huge pile he normally keeps is gone. No newspaper in this house. Ugh! Well i guess i keep to keep mopping and scrubbing. Will try the classical idea.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

I can put the cable box on classical on one of the music channels if thats all it is.

It is not just classical music. Very special science went into developing the particular notes, how they are played, that make this work. Check out the site it is all explained. Not a big investment and has a guarantee. Good company and highly recommend the product.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thanks @Changeling will do.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

This Link Removed I think encompasses this entire thread. The first was too much, 2nd way too much, 3rd almost broke me being it all at the same time, and now its all just staws on camels now. Its all too much now...everything that seems small now can push me over that edge as I have been tip toeing on it for weeks now. I am so f*cking tired. Just so f*cking tired.

ETA: On the dog front, gave him "anti runs" pill. Ive done it before and he takes it well.

 

[desiderata310]

*deep breath*
Been through all of this kind of ... stuff recently.


My therapist called it complicated grief which if googled he can't actually call it because I haven't been going through it long enough but it describes it well enough.

Step back for a moment and ask yourself, truly what you give a f*ck about right now. I mean, outside of the dog having the runs all over your apartment.

Do you ACTUALLY give a flying f*ck what the family thinks?
Do you want to be around your mom?
Do you want to be around your dad?

At this point it NEEDS to be about taking care of you.
Triage time.

What do you need to do to survive? THAT part comes first. (including sanity) So make sure that the dog's needs are taken care of: crate and/or hire a dog walker if you must but make that a priority. HIRE someone to come in and clean the damn rugs so you aren't doing it.
Get out of the f*cking house for the evening and away from the stress of the mess

What else MUST you do to take care of YOU?
Now, what's left?
What of that do you WANT to do?
What of that CAN you do?
What of that do you not have any interest in doing?

Make a list. stick to it. If you wind up with extra energy, money etc use it as you see fit.
The rest be damned. You're a f*cking adult. they can all go f*ck themselves. You are living and will live for a long time yet. Take care of YOU first.

 

[Pakadlangitok]

I mean, seriously, just say look get a grip and i will, or at least try, but good god! Like...

(((((((((LOST!!!!!))))))))))) Your posts are always so full of power. Today you hit that same rage I often feel. I KNOW how you feel and I hate it too. Oh yes that poop all over. Things piling up. Disability ,, abuse, car accident, medical stuff I can't do, more cat shit, anaphylxis......memories, ..........

Do you have an immediate pressure release? Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. Why is it so easy to say those words when I am right there with you about feeling that way? Your posts mean a lot to me!! They are so strong!! Tap into that like you are writing to you!!

Maybe we can get through this day together? Surround yourself with people who are kind! People who support you!

Oh I know that rage. What can I say? When I feel it I just go out tears and all. I walk around the mall crying if I have to. That one soul who comes up and gives a kind word has saved my life.

You are in a hard place right now. I wish we were all there to support you in person!!!!!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Do you want to be around your dad?

No but he guilt trips me into not kicking him out. Reality is Ive lived in a 2 income socitey with 1 income my entire life and have been fine. His rent is helping not just pay the bills but to save as well (hense how I am able to give so much here though id give away my whole savings if im not careful) but if he wasnt here id just pick up as much overtime as I could. I had never had a dog until now and when I lived alone with him before I could work OT because i was able to come home for lunch. I cant do that now. Though its only 8.5 miles away, I think the drive home and back with traffic would be all of my lunch, nevermind taking him out and actually eating. So overtime is staying at work longer. And then this:

crate and/or hire a dog walker if you must but make that a priority. HIRE someone to come in and clean the damn rugs so you aren't doing it.

Id feel bad crating him that long. It is the biggest crate they sell and he can stand up and turn around but id still feel bad; it feels mean to me. Unsure why as he is crate trained. Last night i gave him 2 'anti runs meds' and it didnt work, woke up to it. Going to give him another before work. If it persists much longer he will be going to the vet. Why do I feel putting him in a crate for 10 hrs is cruel? People do it but i cant get myself to leave him in there beyond a few hrs. Maybe its a trauma thing with being locked up? I dont know.

I dont know anyone to hire to walk him so I thought of calling that company that is on tv (cant think of the one) but rover.com has some but just the thought of someone in my house all day, in my space, i dont know, oh also its a bit embarrasing due to my pain and no one else lifting a hand, my apartment needs to be cleaned, badly and its embarrasing but then theres also doggie daycare. I'll have to call a few places today at work, leave him today and clean it tonight and then i have 2 days off where i can try to find someone or a place.

Do you ACTUALLY give a flying f*ck what the family thinks?

I kinda do. Not like i used to and im rather numb to all the drama and shit but my dad, i do care what he thinks...badly care and dont know why i care so much. It will be a therapy topic this week.

What of that do you WANT to do?
What of that CAN you do?
What of that do you not have any interest in doing?

I dont know. Id love to be able to start my art back up but cant seem to. My brain wont slow to get anything good to come out.

I dont know. My therapist asks the same thing and i honestly have no clue.

Your posts mean a lot to me!! They are so strong!! Tap into that like you are writing to you!!

Thank you! I just write how I feel. I guess the feelings are strong and intense and so is the writing. I dont know. Writing to me. Well i started to write to my inner child, starting a diaglog with "her" but stopped writing to "her" and let "her" write about my mom. A few things I posted was written by "her", namely the poem I dont remember writing and then the last one "we" was my adult me and my inner child me i think.

Poems and the last one really read with a beat like a rap song, change a few words, add a few and it could be; but they just come when they do. I never think but just write but when they dont come no words seem to. I just stare at a blank white screen.

Do you have an immediate pressure release?

Not really, short of taking a baseball bat to my house. I just push down and go but damn there is no more room, there really isnt.

I wish I could cry...

You are in a hard place right now. I wish we were all there to support you in person!!!!!

Thank you! :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Yay! I found the week newpaper in front of the back door today. Its thin so only enough for one paper to go half way to the front door but it papers a lot of it. Watch him move the paper and go on the moved area. He is the pickyest dog about where he shits i have ever met. I cant exactly paper train him unless i leave him alone longer and i dont know if there are more papers coming.

I also have a treat ball that i filled. It will likely only keep him busy 5 mins, he'll likely crunch all the gravy bones into crumbs and leave it.

Im leaving the tv on for the voices. He's used to the tv on all day. Didnt have time to look for the dog music.