Thoughts Behind Si

[Pakadlangitok]

I really had a hard time a few days ago. I was very suicidal and was locked in my closet with the means for two hours. That is when I called all those lines and got chewed out but kept persisting etc because I want to be here.

Anyway, someone said to me, "Let nature decide" and it was like a PUNCH to my face. THAT is part of the reason I want to end my life. Nature has decided to give me a disability when I was born. nature led me to a pedofile. Nature balh blah........

For me it is stopping it, taking back my autonomy, letting ME decide.

Yes I am still glad I am here but the suffering I am in today is worse than even two days ago.

Walking aroung all shaky like, Hey you guys. I tried to end my life" and no one knows............

Sorry I am posting so much right now. It is my only consistent connection to people who know how I feel

 

[LittleWeed]

I really had a hard time a few days ago. I was very suicidal and was locked in my closet with the...

Hang on in there. Please don't do anything and don't let nature or those that made you feel that way win. You ARE worth it.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Anyway, someone said to me, "Let nature decide"

That angers me, too. For one thing, how can nature decide suicide. Events can decide what happens after someone actively tries, however, nature cannot decide whether you actually make the attempt or not. That seems like such a stupid thing to say especially when you're reaching out for help during this struggle! Help, not garbage. So sorry you went through that, but so glad that you made it through that horrible episode.

For me it is stopping it, taking back my autonomy, letting ME decide.

Keep repeating this to yourself! This is good! This is what it's all about. You doing what you want and continuing your journey to take your life BACK! I know it's tough, but I am so glad that you are reaching out even when the struggle is hard. Is there anything enjoyable you like to do or place you like to go to that can help you find more peace or comfort right now?

 

[Chimera]

I'm glad you're still here, fighting for yourself.

 

[Pakadlangitok]

That angers me, too. For one thing, how can nature decide suicide. Events can decide wha...

thank you for that! Yes, I keep calling the line if I have to. I found one where they are nice and want me to stay alive. I am trying to get into what made me happy before topic I liked to study. I am going to try so hard today to tap into that for the next 24 hrs.
Thank you guys.........this sucks so bad.

 

[ButterflyBean]

Do you have a therapist you can reach out to? Also, do you mind sharing your religious beliefs? I'm asking because there is a really good international Christian online chat that I used to volunteer for. I have a physical disability myself, so feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat! Take moment by moment, you're doing great, and you are worth it!

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

.this sucks so bad.

It does suck. Keep working through it though. You're doing great- reaching out, trying to work on what will help you stay safe. You're awesome.