Has Anyone Felt Deep Psychic Pain When Severely Depressed?

[jesse]

When I have severe depressive episodes usually associated with suicidal ideation or past attempts I can actually feel deep what I would describe as psychic pain. It is not a headache but I find myself holding my head and rocking back and forth. My T (who is extremely experienced) asked me what this was when he saw me do this in a session. I told him pain and am always asked if it is a headache but it is not. He was perplexed and I don't remember now what he said because I think I dissociated at that point. I remember a past hospitalization about ten years ago doing the same and the nurses had similar questions. My current psych NP has considered an MRI but told me it did make sense to him. I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience?

 

[anonymous]

I have had emotional pain so bad all I could do was hold myself and cry out and rock. It's the worst. It is beyond words. Holding your head could be a defensive response, or a regressive one. I have had both happen to me in a similar state.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I dont know if you'd call it "psycotic pain" but I do have different phsyical pain when in a severe depression. My chest hurts and I have pain that radiates down an arm. It mocks what one would feel in a heart attack.

I started rocking when i got the news that one of my main abusers, my mom, was dying and was told by someone on here at the time that if its slow rocking that it helps you calm down by producing alpha brain waves.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/what-else-can-happen.62788/page-2#post-1027475

I didnt research it oddly but it is something that's continued onto now that she has passed. Its just something i cant stop. It makes sense though as you're body will naturally try to soothe itself.

Try some DBT self soothing: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/self-sooth.html

ETA: I have other pain too but thats the main one. My chronic pain gets way worse and stomach pain and abdominal pain and headaches just to name a few.

 

[jesse]

I have had emotional pain so bad all I could do was hold myself and cry out and rock. It's the worst....

Anonymous yes this is what I feel too. Thank you for responding.

 

[jesse]

I dont know if you'd call it "psycotic pain" but I do have different phsyical pain when in a...

It is not this kind of pain but I have experienced chest pain with anxiety and radiating arm pain from a herniated disk. It is much deeper it feels from within my brain. It is hard to describe.
I am sorry about your Mom and the complex grief. Hugs.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I am sorry about your Mom and the complex grief. Hugs.

Thank you! :hug:

It is much deeper it feels from within my brain. It is hard to describe.

Hmm, thats intresting! But its not a headache?

Let me do some research as you now have me intrigued!

 

[sedna]

When I have severe depressive episodes usually associated with suicidal ideation or past attempts I can ac...

Yes I've had that same thing very intensely most of my life. It would just show up once in a while, I didnt always have a specific reason but remember feeling lost and depressed for periods of time first.

I was in a boot camp as a teenager and I remember seeing a kid do that when he couldnt handle it there. He'd rock back and forth with his head covered just repeating " I want to go home" over and over.

I never had a home I wanted to go back to, but I could feel the same emotions that I had just radiating off of him and didnt understand why.
Its like I was born homesick for an undisclosed location.

Its been a long time since I felt that, maybe close to 8 years. In a different post I had to think about when I switched to anger responses to everything, I think this went away when I did that. But I dont suggest you try to do that on purpose to escape this though.

Your post took me to a place I havent felt in a long time, just reading your words and remembering brought the feelings back.

Its like being swallowed into an abyss, with an aching desperation to connect to something unknown that will pull you out of it.

The head covering and rocking for me was my way of just saying " No more "......just no more input of any kind from the world outside.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@jesse, the way this site Link Removed reads, our bodies pain receptors are all interupted and any sort of pain or physical symptom can occur. Actually, how it reads, it sounds more nervous system and doesn't suprise me a bit that it feels "psychic" or in the brain or deep in the head.

 

[jesse]

@jesse, the way this site Link Removed

Link Removed
Thank you for the research and yes I do have chronic pain but this really is different. I had two herniated disks fused eleven years ago and am recently diagnosed with another which oddly enough doesn't hurt because my pain threshold is so high. I was havimg problems with my arm so they did MRI on my neck. Another interesting fact I am claustrophobic so they gave conscious sedation but I forgot to tell them about PTSD at hospital. So everytime the MRI went on which are very loud My hypervigilance would kick in. They said I need general anesthesia next time. The nurse and docs were nice about it but said it was unusual for people to still react that much with max fentanyl and valium dosage.

 

[mamachick]

I had not thought of it that way but will pay better attention. I already have high pain and threshold, but there is a pain thru my body that I can't really describe. (I spend more effort attempting to ignore stuff) It is more heartache I do think. I feel like a broken heart too! (not the in love broken heart, but general from loss of trust )

 

[sun seeker]

You mean not everyone has that?? :confused:

Mine isn't localized to any particular part of my body... but yes, when in extreme despair what I am feeling can best be described as pain. Immense, indescribable, unbearable pain. I've had people look at me uncomprehending when I say this. It's begun to dawn on me that it isn't normal to feel this way.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

it was unusual for people to still react that much with max fentanyl and valium dosage.

Really? Then you and I share that though i was on a large dose of fentyal so i think that plays a part on what was given to me. Its replaced by a pain pump now.

I also ended up learning to disassociate in an MRI. Ive had, all total, about 50 of them...give or take.

But i know what you mean by a high pain threshold.

I dont know what you are describing with your head but just knowing what depression does somaticlly, it doesnt suprise me at all.